Delighted to hear that The Orphanage is going to 1 PM today. Another positive development for original Ticket weekend programming, which has made great strides the last year. Hope this is a permanent change.
If so, Ticket/Cumulus management deserves thanks.
If not, then thanks for today.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Compare and Contrast: The Hardline in New York -- The Musers in San Francisco
Celebrity Confessor AP from The (incomparable) UnTicket has requested that I comment on the visits of the respective drive-time programs to New York and San Francisco. (See his comment no. 6 to my prior post on my Ron Washington theories.) It is AP's feeling that as the Ticket's "baseball show of record," perhaps The Hardline should have been sent to San Francisco instead of The Musers.
I guess the first thing we have to consider in this particular case is that this was probably not a radio station decision -- I'm guessing it was a sponsor decision because the sponsor (StubHub) actually footed the bill for the trip and provided the tickets, if I understood the hosts of both shows correctly. They chatted with the nice lady who runs StubHub a couple of times on each showgram. StubHub might well have thought that it would get more bang for the buck by spreading the stubs around a little.
Let's put that aside and examine these road trips from the listeners' perspective.
A couple of thoughts:
(1) These are radio talk shows. They're not The Amazing Race where one's physical surroundings are a significant part of the actual broadcast. So the value of a road trip can only be discerned in the difference between what we hear every day on the air and what we hear when they broadcast from the road.
I was struck by this during Cowboys training camp this year. I always think that it's going to be cool to hear them broadcast from training camp, and then . . . I can't recall a single Cowboy insight from any of the showgrams this year (in fairness, I seldom heard Norm or BaD) that resulted from their presence at the training camp. Now there were some bits -- Corby's hit-and-run interviews of Cowboys after practice and various hangers-on, the Musers' encounters on the street at night. Both of those can be very entertaining. Were they worth it to The Ticket sending the broadcast teams and technical crews down to San Antonio for however long it was? Don't know. Doubt that Cumulus gets more ad revenue from road trips. Or maybe it's a promotional thing, they do it so they can say they did it. A goodwill thing, point of pride. Did it result in significantly enhanced (1) radio broadcasting or (2) Cowboys insight? Maybe a little bit. Little tiny bit.
Point is -- road trips don't do much for me one way or the other.
In fact, now that I think about it -- this year I don't evem remember the drive shows doing any sit-down player interviews with the hosts. I may be misremembering this, but in years past I seem to recall that they had players and coaches lined up to do a bunch of interviews but it's not coming to mind this time around. (Not that I miss player/coach interviews -- they seldom have much of interest to say, and when they do say something interesting, there's always the risk they'll get in some trouble. So who cares about player/coach interviews and, for that matter press conferences?) So if you're not going to interact significantly with the activity that has brought you on the road trip, what exactly is the point?
(2) Turning to AP's thoughts on the Hardline/Musers:
I agree with AP that the Hardline is more Rangeriffic. Even Danny arises from his cynical cultural torpor to show some enthusiasm for, and knowledge of, baseball. And, of course, Mike is Baseball Jeebus.
I'm not sure that the relatively greater advertised fondness of The Hardline for the Rangers translates into a better experience for the listener. Hard to say. I'm not sure the stories of the hard partying when the Hardline boys go out of town is of great interest to the listener. Sounds kind of like guys whose minds might not entirely be on The Great Game. We do get an account of their travels to Yankee Stadium and their time at the game, and that's interesting to listen to. But we didn't get much man-on-the-street this time around. I will say that I did like Danny's brief reports from Yankee Stadium on the day when they sent him on ahead because the game conflicted with their broadcast. I know Danny isn't everyone's cup of tea, but for some reason the jamoke just tickles me. But The Hardline's presence in New York City really didn't leave much of an impression that was a result of them being there.
The Musers, of course, are broadcasting in the dead of night in San Francisco, so other than their game account, -- which, like The Hardline's was interesting -- we get recorded audio of their encounters. Which, it must be said, are greater in number than the Hardline. And pretty well done. Each guy collected some tape.
I don't want to say that I like The Musers in San Fran better than I liked The Hardline in New York, or the other way around either. I will say that each show exhibited their characteristics with about the same vividness as they do in the studio -- the ramshackle, not-much-show-prep Hardline, and the more buttoned-down, spread-the-duties Musers. Liked 'em both. Not hearing a whole lot of gee-whiz arising out of their proximity to the Rangers post-season, but maybe some marginal sizzle. They're both great in their own way.
But neither is a whole lot greater on road trips.
So to answer your question, AP -- I can't say that The Hardline's baseballphilia earns them any greater entitlement to post-season ball on location. I might feel differently if they had used their their enthusiasm -- and their media contacts -- to more colorful effect in NYC, but they didn't line up much beyond the New-York-is-Cool stuff. So I'm OK with the Musers in the City by the Bay.
I guess the first thing we have to consider in this particular case is that this was probably not a radio station decision -- I'm guessing it was a sponsor decision because the sponsor (StubHub) actually footed the bill for the trip and provided the tickets, if I understood the hosts of both shows correctly. They chatted with the nice lady who runs StubHub a couple of times on each showgram. StubHub might well have thought that it would get more bang for the buck by spreading the stubs around a little.
Let's put that aside and examine these road trips from the listeners' perspective.
A couple of thoughts:
(1) These are radio talk shows. They're not The Amazing Race where one's physical surroundings are a significant part of the actual broadcast. So the value of a road trip can only be discerned in the difference between what we hear every day on the air and what we hear when they broadcast from the road.
I was struck by this during Cowboys training camp this year. I always think that it's going to be cool to hear them broadcast from training camp, and then . . . I can't recall a single Cowboy insight from any of the showgrams this year (in fairness, I seldom heard Norm or BaD) that resulted from their presence at the training camp. Now there were some bits -- Corby's hit-and-run interviews of Cowboys after practice and various hangers-on, the Musers' encounters on the street at night. Both of those can be very entertaining. Were they worth it to The Ticket sending the broadcast teams and technical crews down to San Antonio for however long it was? Don't know. Doubt that Cumulus gets more ad revenue from road trips. Or maybe it's a promotional thing, they do it so they can say they did it. A goodwill thing, point of pride. Did it result in significantly enhanced (1) radio broadcasting or (2) Cowboys insight? Maybe a little bit. Little tiny bit.
Point is -- road trips don't do much for me one way or the other.
In fact, now that I think about it -- this year I don't evem remember the drive shows doing any sit-down player interviews with the hosts. I may be misremembering this, but in years past I seem to recall that they had players and coaches lined up to do a bunch of interviews but it's not coming to mind this time around. (Not that I miss player/coach interviews -- they seldom have much of interest to say, and when they do say something interesting, there's always the risk they'll get in some trouble. So who cares about player/coach interviews and, for that matter press conferences?) So if you're not going to interact significantly with the activity that has brought you on the road trip, what exactly is the point?
(2) Turning to AP's thoughts on the Hardline/Musers:
I agree with AP that the Hardline is more Rangeriffic. Even Danny arises from his cynical cultural torpor to show some enthusiasm for, and knowledge of, baseball. And, of course, Mike is Baseball Jeebus.
I'm not sure that the relatively greater advertised fondness of The Hardline for the Rangers translates into a better experience for the listener. Hard to say. I'm not sure the stories of the hard partying when the Hardline boys go out of town is of great interest to the listener. Sounds kind of like guys whose minds might not entirely be on The Great Game. We do get an account of their travels to Yankee Stadium and their time at the game, and that's interesting to listen to. But we didn't get much man-on-the-street this time around. I will say that I did like Danny's brief reports from Yankee Stadium on the day when they sent him on ahead because the game conflicted with their broadcast. I know Danny isn't everyone's cup of tea, but for some reason the jamoke just tickles me. But The Hardline's presence in New York City really didn't leave much of an impression that was a result of them being there.
The Musers, of course, are broadcasting in the dead of night in San Francisco, so other than their game account, -- which, like The Hardline's was interesting -- we get recorded audio of their encounters. Which, it must be said, are greater in number than the Hardline. And pretty well done. Each guy collected some tape.
I don't want to say that I like The Musers in San Fran better than I liked The Hardline in New York, or the other way around either. I will say that each show exhibited their characteristics with about the same vividness as they do in the studio -- the ramshackle, not-much-show-prep Hardline, and the more buttoned-down, spread-the-duties Musers. Liked 'em both. Not hearing a whole lot of gee-whiz arising out of their proximity to the Rangers post-season, but maybe some marginal sizzle. They're both great in their own way.
But neither is a whole lot greater on road trips.
So to answer your question, AP -- I can't say that The Hardline's baseballphilia earns them any greater entitlement to post-season ball on location. I might feel differently if they had used their their enthusiasm -- and their media contacts -- to more colorful effect in NYC, but they didn't line up much beyond the New-York-is-Cool stuff. So I'm OK with the Musers in the City by the Bay.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Ron Washington and The Other
I offer apologies once again for a sportsy post. But everything I know I learn from The Ticket, so, uh . . . there.
I don’t have any grand theory about the success of the Rangers this year. But I have a theory about Ron Washington and his approach to baseball.
Actually, I have two theories. The first theory, the dull one, I got from listening to the interviews of the Ranger players from before the Tampa Bay series through the present. I noticed that in almost every interview, at one point or other, the same word would issue forth from the player’s mouth: “fun.” Player after player talked about going out and having fun. And if there’s one thing that has characterized Ranger baseball this year, especially as the lineup solidified and they got past the injuries, is that it was fun to watch (not solely because of the winning, although that helped), and it looked like the players themselves were having fun grabbing bases, stealing home, dropping the claw/antlers on ‘em. Surely that’s Coach Ron’s influence. I do not intend to demean him when I say there is a delightful boyish quality to his dugout presence. I think he reminds these guys of what brought them to the game in the first place.
You know, before the chicks. And the dough.
OK, that’s the dull theory.
The more fun theory is this:
To Ron Washington, baseball is The Other.
To Ron Washington, baseball is a, separate, sensate, volitional entity. It is a thing unto itself that gives, takes, and speaks, and to whom one gives and from which one takes, and to whom one listens.
Consider the way he talks about it. I don’t have the time to research all of his interviews, but it appeared vividly in today’s press conference, when he said something like: When the game tells you to bunt, you bunt; when the game tells you to steal, you steal. And in another recent interview, he said something like: You take what baseball gives you, and you give what baseball takes. There are numerous other examples along these same lines.
Even his repeated use of the phrase "the game of baseball" bespeaks a certain reverence, a reverence one holds for the mysterious Other.
Even his repeated use of the phrase "the game of baseball" bespeaks a certain reverence, a reverence one holds for the mysterious Other.
And even his Ticket-promoted signature phrase – That’s the way baseball go. Doesn’t that sound a lot like Josh Howard saying that you can’t control what the ball do? And, like that basketball, baseball is crazy. (Fun?) And you have to deal with its craziness like it’s an insanely possessive lover from whom you cannot escape, to whom you must return day after day to do her bidding, whatever she tells you to do, and you give to her what she demands. You have to listen to what she tells you she wants, make sure you heard it correctly, and then deliver it right then and there so that she will give you what you want.
No, I don’t mean that Ron Washington has a peculiar sexual yearning for the game of baseball. I mean nothing more than that Ron Washington thinks of baseball as a discrete being, equal parts demanding and benevolent, to whom direct and careful attention must be paid. And if you do it right, with appropriate respect and loyalty, that attention will be rewarded with victory.
To Ron Washington, baseball is a spirit.
His relationship with The Other is the source of The Passion of Ron Washington.
Friday, October 22, 2010
That Third Bear Trap Today Was Fake
The one where the punchline was "you can use what's between your legs to buy beer." Never happened.
At least it didn't win.
At least it didn't win.
The Trifecta, RIP?
Haven't heard The Hardline doing it recently. Have they dropped it, or am I just missing it?
I can think of several other bits I'd retire before that one.
Go Rangers.
I can think of several other bits I'd retire before that one.
Go Rangers.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Change of Address
Please note that friend-of-the-site Hollywood Matt Shannon has moved his website. You can find it here:
Hollwood Matt Shannon's Sport Nutz Wrestling E-Fed
The link on "Ticket-Friendly Links" there on your left (my right) has been corrected to send you to the right address.
All friends of pro grappling should swing by and check out what Hollywood's slinging these days. Hollywood, thanks for your support.
Hollwood Matt Shannon's Sport Nutz Wrestling E-Fed
The link on "Ticket-Friendly Links" there on your left (my right) has been corrected to send you to the right address.
All friends of pro grappling should swing by and check out what Hollywood's slinging these days. Hollywood, thanks for your support.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Damn You, Ticket Incidental Music Picker-Outer
First it was Danny's C&W "Too Many Nights" theme for "What's on Mike's Mind."
Then it was the "Pool Party" theme song.
I hummed those songs for months. I was either picturing Danny rubbing one out later that night (that generally broke the humming cycle), or the Hardline lounging around a pool while Grubes, a white napkin draped over his forearm, struggling but failing to make the perfect SoCo lime shot (but rolling with the unit under his hoodie, hoping to capture some slurred drops about the bikini-clad Ticket Chicks -- extra sultry -- perfecting their tans nearby).
Now it's that pedal steel tune under that nice little "Thank You, P1's" ad The Ticket runs from time to time. I mean, that little eight-to-ten note figure that it plays over and over off a couple of different chords, can't shake it. Can't tell if it's clipped from some commercial tune, or something some talented Ticket hanger-on laid down. Either way, driving me frackin' nuts.
Then it was the "Pool Party" theme song.
I hummed those songs for months. I was either picturing Danny rubbing one out later that night (that generally broke the humming cycle), or the Hardline lounging around a pool while Grubes, a white napkin draped over his forearm, struggling but failing to make the perfect SoCo lime shot (but rolling with the unit under his hoodie, hoping to capture some slurred drops about the bikini-clad Ticket Chicks -- extra sultry -- perfecting their tans nearby).
Now it's that pedal steel tune under that nice little "Thank You, P1's" ad The Ticket runs from time to time. I mean, that little eight-to-ten note figure that it plays over and over off a couple of different chords, can't shake it. Can't tell if it's clipped from some commercial tune, or something some talented Ticket hanger-on laid down. Either way, driving me frackin' nuts.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Your Plainsman Predicts . . .
. . . on Sunday night:
Tomorrow morning -- that would be Monday -- Craig "Junior" Miller is going to say something very interesting.
Tomorrow morning -- that would be Monday -- Craig "Junior" Miller is going to say something very interesting.
Junior doesn't like to say the same old things over and over. As I type this, he is thinking hard about the Cowboys. He's tired of saying the same things that we all know -- the problems start with Jerry, Wade is ineffectual, players havent' been discomfited when they err, they beat themselves with penalties and turnovers, and so forth. He is an original thinker about sports and he dreads the thought of coming into the studio on Monday morning eleven more times -- twelver, counting tomorrow -- saying these same things.
And the Rangers can't keep playing forever. When they're done, there's . . . the Stars? The Mavericks, I guess. But The Ticket has no choice but to fill large amounts of airtime with Cowboy talk.
So I'm predicting that he will do something to attempt to change the conversation.
It may be predictive: "The Cowboys will . . . ."
It may be prescriptive: "The Cowboys should . . . ."
It may be analytical: "I've been noticing something during these last few games . . . ."
But it will be appropriately packaged, and it will be interesting.
Bob Sturm is the maestro of Xs and Os and his breakdown of the games is second to none. And he does come up with very interesting analyses. But Craig floats some distance over the field -- hell, over the schedule -- and I'm looking forward to something very tasty from that Gentlest of Musers tomorrow morning.
==========
This is my 200th post since starting this site last year. My traffic continues to grow, and I thank you all for dropping by and staying awhile. Plainsman
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Questions for Knowledgeable Confessors
I've been listening since mid-2004, but I'm still missing a fair amount of information on some of the inside stuff. Occasionally a Ticket scholar will click over to My Ticket Confession, so I'm hopeful I can get educated. Can anyone help me out with these?
(1) Why is Rich Phillips called Dick Hicks?
(2) Why do Michael R and Michael G call one another “Schoopie”?
(3) What is the guy saying in that rim-shot drop where during the rim shot the guy is saying something like “what about me” (but I don’t think that’s it)?
(4) Where does the “Stand back, Burrito” drop come from, and what does it mean?
(5) Why does Mike Rhyner say “Rhyner’s dead.” Why doesn’t he like being referred to as “Rhyner”?
(6) How did Mushmouth become a popular character?
(1) Why is Rich Phillips called Dick Hicks?
(2) Why do Michael R and Michael G call one another “Schoopie”?
(3) What is the guy saying in that rim-shot drop where during the rim shot the guy is saying something like “what about me” (but I don’t think that’s it)?
(4) Where does the “Stand back, Burrito” drop come from, and what does it mean?
(5) Why does Mike Rhyner say “Rhyner’s dead.” Why doesn’t he like being referred to as “Rhyner”?
(6) How did Mushmouth become a popular character?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Anyone Know . . .
. . . why traffic to this site more than quadrupled (over average) today (Thursday)?
Something up with Traffic Twist Alexis Smith? Looks like most visitors are looking for her, and over 2/3 of my hits are first-timers today (inaugural Confessors usually represent only 50% or less), which tells me that something went on at the station and P1s were Googling the fetching Ms. Smith.
All are welcome. I am sorry that Alexis news and images are limited (and the images are poor). Maybe I should just start making up some stuff.
Not everyone is looking for Alexis, and if anyone knows why Your Plainsman is unusually popular today, I'd be grateful for the advice.
Something up with Traffic Twist Alexis Smith? Looks like most visitors are looking for her, and over 2/3 of my hits are first-timers today (inaugural Confessors usually represent only 50% or less), which tells me that something went on at the station and P1s were Googling the fetching Ms. Smith.
All are welcome. I am sorry that Alexis news and images are limited (and the images are poor). Maybe I should just start making up some stuff.
Not everyone is looking for Alexis, and if anyone knows why Your Plainsman is unusually popular today, I'd be grateful for the advice.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Another Idle Question -- A Couple, Actually
Last season I wrote that I couldn't figure out Norm's attitude about the Cowboys, since he frequently defended them in losses whenever anyone would call in. He's doing it again.
(1) Did I just hear him say that you can't coach avoidance of penalties?
(2) Did I just hear him say you can't coach focus?
What, praytell, are coaches for? Why do some teams commit few penalties, and some teams are chronically the most penalized?
(1) Did I just hear him say that you can't coach avoidance of penalties?
(2) Did I just hear him say you can't coach focus?
What, praytell, are coaches for? Why do some teams commit few penalties, and some teams are chronically the most penalized?
Idle Question
Can't the Norm/Donovan Cowboy post-game show attract better sponsors than strip joints?
Those ads cheapen the station whenever they appear.
Those ads cheapen the station whenever they appear.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
While We're on the Subject of Absolutely Baffling Ticket Host Product Endorsements . . .
In the previous article I painstaking analyzed the All-Pro Foundation Repair and (to a lesser extent) Bakers Brothers Plumbing ads in which almost the entire galaxy of Ticket stars convert their apparently ramshackle houses into a nice endorser’s paycheck .
Today, I heard an ad that made my brain freeze, as though a Zen master had posed an insoluble dilemma that brought all the conundrums of the eons into a single concentrated point originating from SportsRadio 1310 The Ticket.
It was Bob Sturm’s ad for the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse.
Phrase after phrase, my neurons violently resisted the assimilation of what I was hearing.
Before I get to a point-by-point exegesis: the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse is a program offered by the Ticket weekend host of The Train Station Fitness Show, one Mr. George DeJohn. You can find more information about it here.
If you visit that site, you can both see and hear a testimonial by Bob. By the way, I am a regular listener to The Train Station Fitness Show on my way to work at 7 a.m. on Saturdays, and I urge you to get up early and tune in as well. I’m serious. It’s a fun show and George is a fascinating host. (And it is followed by the excellent TeeBox with Rick Arnett and Craig Rosengarden, who always engage in a jousting mix/mingle with George, and the TeeBox leads you quite naturally to The Orphanage with non-orphans Danny Balis and Dave Lane at 10 am.)
There are three things in Bob’s radio ad that make my brain tiny:
(1) Bob begins his testimony by stating that he goes for the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse when “I’m feeling a little doughy.”
Say, now there is one damned fetching image for you.
Bob Sturm, “doughy.”
That is, having about his person unwanted weight which puts one in mind of “dough.”
Look at this man. Fix his image in your mind. (Ignore the spare hand growing from his elbow. It belongs to Dan McDowell. I hope he grows on me, too.) Now close your eyes and imagine him “doughy.” I’m sorry, eventually you will have to open your eyes and rejoin a world that has been introduced to the concept of “doughy Bob Sturm.”
(2) The ad and even the website are rather coy on what a “21-Day Full Body Cleanse” amounts to, but since this is a weight loss program, we may surmise that it has something to do with transporting material – dirty material, material that requires cleansing – from the inside of one's doughy body, to outside of it, thus subtracting it from one’s total weight.
This may be one of the downsides of an active imagination, but when I hear Bob extolling the greatness of the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse, all I can think of is what dirty cleansable effluvia Bob is expelling from his Full Body (and a doughy one at that) in order to achieve Cleansing.
And now that I’ve pointed this out to you, you won’t be able to, either.
(3) Bob says that the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse “stops all unwanted cravings” (apparently leaving the desirable cravings intact) and breaks unhealthful addictions. That’s a good thing, is it not? Well, yes – but then Bob says that he’s done it five times.
One of the benefits of being a mature adult male is that you can remember a bunch of old stale jokes. And the one that comes to mind upon hearing this particular bit of testimony is the one that goes: “It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it twenty or thirty times.”
Which – and check me on this if my logic is impaired – means that the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse does not stop unwanted cravings at all – it merely interrupts them for 21 days. After which time you do what all dieters do, which is to reward yourself for your 21 days of denial and newly scrubbed innards by binging on Gordon Keith-endorsed Hostess Cakesters and both servings of the Real Deal at the Hardline-endorsed Texas Land & Cattle, where you celebrate your liberation from the once-daily 21-Day Full Body Cleanse shake – Bob says there’s just one shake a day – by consuming both the cattle and the land.
* * *
I like and admire Bob Sturm. I like the Train Station Fitness Show and I wish I looked like George DeJohn and had his pipes. I very much regret the dough that has accumulated longitudinally and latitudinally around the manly core of my being, my image appearing on the upper left of this page notwithstanding.
But I ask myself whether Bob’s eeewwww-provoking endorsement of a one-shake-a-day diet that must be purchased with considerable frequency to combat chronic doughiness through appalling-to-imagine emetic processes is penetrating the beer/SoCo Lime/JR’s Steakhouse-Grill/Sean Salisbury Twin Peaks/Ticket junk-food-remotes consciousness of the dedicated P1.
As I sit here at a bar, finishing my second martini, composing this article and watching Nebraska kick the living bee-jeebers out of Kansas State, knowing that I have an eight-piece all-dark Popeye's chicken dinner congealing out on my back seat, I'm thinking that if God had wanted us to engage in three-week cleansing programs on a regular basis, He would have -- hell, I don't have the slightest fracking idea.
Today, I heard an ad that made my brain freeze, as though a Zen master had posed an insoluble dilemma that brought all the conundrums of the eons into a single concentrated point originating from SportsRadio 1310 The Ticket.
It was Bob Sturm’s ad for the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse.
Phrase after phrase, my neurons violently resisted the assimilation of what I was hearing.
Before I get to a point-by-point exegesis: the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse is a program offered by the Ticket weekend host of The Train Station Fitness Show, one Mr. George DeJohn. You can find more information about it here.
George DeJohn, host of The Train Station Fitness Show,
Saturdays at 7 AM on SportsRadio 1310, The Ticket
If you visit that site, you can both see and hear a testimonial by Bob. By the way, I am a regular listener to The Train Station Fitness Show on my way to work at 7 a.m. on Saturdays, and I urge you to get up early and tune in as well. I’m serious. It’s a fun show and George is a fascinating host. (And it is followed by the excellent TeeBox with Rick Arnett and Craig Rosengarden, who always engage in a jousting mix/mingle with George, and the TeeBox leads you quite naturally to The Orphanage with non-orphans Danny Balis and Dave Lane at 10 am.)
There are three things in Bob’s radio ad that make my brain tiny:
(1) Bob begins his testimony by stating that he goes for the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse when “I’m feeling a little doughy.”
Say, now there is one damned fetching image for you.
Bob Sturm, “doughy.”
That is, having about his person unwanted weight which puts one in mind of “dough.”
(2) The ad and even the website are rather coy on what a “21-Day Full Body Cleanse” amounts to, but since this is a weight loss program, we may surmise that it has something to do with transporting material – dirty material, material that requires cleansing – from the inside of one's doughy body, to outside of it, thus subtracting it from one’s total weight.
This may be one of the downsides of an active imagination, but when I hear Bob extolling the greatness of the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse, all I can think of is what dirty cleansable effluvia Bob is expelling from his Full Body (and a doughy one at that) in order to achieve Cleansing.
And now that I’ve pointed this out to you, you won’t be able to, either.
(3) Bob says that the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse “stops all unwanted cravings” (apparently leaving the desirable cravings intact) and breaks unhealthful addictions. That’s a good thing, is it not? Well, yes – but then Bob says that he’s done it five times.
One of the benefits of being a mature adult male is that you can remember a bunch of old stale jokes. And the one that comes to mind upon hearing this particular bit of testimony is the one that goes: “It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it twenty or thirty times.”
Which – and check me on this if my logic is impaired – means that the 21-Day Full Body Cleanse does not stop unwanted cravings at all – it merely interrupts them for 21 days. After which time you do what all dieters do, which is to reward yourself for your 21 days of denial and newly scrubbed innards by binging on Gordon Keith-endorsed Hostess Cakesters and both servings of the Real Deal at the Hardline-endorsed Texas Land & Cattle, where you celebrate your liberation from the once-daily 21-Day Full Body Cleanse shake – Bob says there’s just one shake a day – by consuming both the cattle and the land.
* * *
I like and admire Bob Sturm. I like the Train Station Fitness Show and I wish I looked like George DeJohn and had his pipes. I very much regret the dough that has accumulated longitudinally and latitudinally around the manly core of my being, my image appearing on the upper left of this page notwithstanding.
But I ask myself whether Bob’s eeewwww-provoking endorsement of a one-shake-a-day diet that must be purchased with considerable frequency to combat chronic doughiness through appalling-to-imagine emetic processes is penetrating the beer/SoCo Lime/JR’s Steakhouse-Grill/Sean Salisbury Twin Peaks/Ticket junk-food-remotes consciousness of the dedicated P1.
As I sit here at a bar, finishing my second martini, composing this article and watching Nebraska kick the living bee-jeebers out of Kansas State, knowing that I have an eight-piece all-dark Popeye's chicken dinner congealing out on my back seat, I'm thinking that if God had wanted us to engage in three-week cleansing programs on a regular basis, He would have -- hell, I don't have the slightest fracking idea.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Never, Never, No, Never, No, No, Never -- and I Mean Ever -- Buy a House from a Ticket Host
What do the following humans have in common?
George Dunham
Craig Miller
Norm Hitzges
Dan McDowell
Bob Sturm
Mike Rhyner
They all own homes with foundation problems. How do I know this? Because in an All-Pro Foundation Repair ad now running on The Ticket, in which each has a speaking part, the first of them to speak – I think it’s Bob -- says that they’re all customers of All-Pro. Well, maybe you can be a customer without having foundation problems. Yeah, right, you pay a foundation repair company to come out to the house for a spot of tea even if you don’t have a foundation problem.
I mean – really, do you know any half-dozen people in your entire circle of acquaintances who have foundation problems? What is it with their housing selections? Are these guys cursed?
Of course, it could also be a lie that they’re all customers of All-Pro Foundation Repair, in which case shame on them.
Wait a minute: Can you buy a home from noted Ticket hosts
Gordon Keith or
Corby Davidson?
No, because they have terrible plumbing problems as evidenced by numerous repeat visits from Baker Brothers Plumbing.
Folks, if you have your heart set on owning a home in which a Ticket host formerly dwelt, you’re going to have to hope that Donovan Lewis wants to move.
George Dunham
Craig Miller
Norm Hitzges
Dan McDowell
Bob Sturm
Mike Rhyner
They all own homes with foundation problems. How do I know this? Because in an All-Pro Foundation Repair ad now running on The Ticket, in which each has a speaking part, the first of them to speak – I think it’s Bob -- says that they’re all customers of All-Pro. Well, maybe you can be a customer without having foundation problems. Yeah, right, you pay a foundation repair company to come out to the house for a spot of tea even if you don’t have a foundation problem.
I mean – really, do you know any half-dozen people in your entire circle of acquaintances who have foundation problems? What is it with their housing selections? Are these guys cursed?
Of course, it could also be a lie that they’re all customers of All-Pro Foundation Repair, in which case shame on them.
Wait a minute: Can you buy a home from noted Ticket hosts
Gordon Keith or
Corby Davidson?
No, because they have terrible plumbing problems as evidenced by numerous repeat visits from Baker Brothers Plumbing.
Folks, if you have your heart set on owning a home in which a Ticket host formerly dwelt, you’re going to have to hope that Donovan Lewis wants to move.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
FROM THE PLAINSMAN'S ARCHIVES: One -- No, Two of the Funniest Typographical Errors of All Time
I'm time-pressed to compose new jewels for you, so here's one from awhile ago for those of you who are more recent visitors. I'll be back soon. Have a splendid weekend. Plainsman
===============
Since yesterday was the sixteenth anniversary of the birth of The Ticket, I thought this might be the right time to post this item that's been rattling around on my topic list for awhile.
I read "Full Disclosure" in hardcover. It's not "Gone with the Wind," but it isn't badly written and moves along nicely, tells you some things the Ticket fanatic needs to know. And then I came to this typographical error that absolutely put me on the floor.
Now, the error appears in the course of George relating a story that was very frightening and unhappy for him and his family. But once you factor this out, and think about what this typo is saying, it's hilarious. And what is even more hilarious is that the book contains exactly the same typo a few pages later in an even more hilarious context.
Congregation, please turn to page 97 in your hardcover copy of "Full Disclosure." On that page you will see the dramatic story of how an out-of-control boater almost struck George's son Blake who was in the water having fallen off his skis. The bad boater missed Blake. You can imagine the drama of the scene when it was clear Blake was going to be OK. You yourself experience this relief, until you see this passage:
"It was just horrible. Everybody was crying, and my wife was balling."
I defy you to read that sentence and not have an image flash through your mind of Mrs. Dunham engaging in some grossly inappropriate behavior while everyone else is crying with relief, and I'm not talking about a pickup game of hoops.
The same error appears a few pages later as Junior is describing how he left a girlfriend in Dallas to try his luck in Colorado. They had dated for two or three years, but, Junior reports, "the relationship was wobbling a little bit." Upon parting, Junior recalled on page 107:
"It was really tough; I remember leaving her that morning and we were both balling."
Doesn't sound all that tough, really. I love that "both," as though perhaps they were not balling, uh, together. (If they were, you wouldn't need "both.") Of course, the word the writer (who apparently was working without an editor) was searching for is "bawling." I note the unusual acknowledgement in the front of the book: "Proofreading by Jennifer Canzoneri."
Someone must have brought this to the publisher's attention, because neither error appears in the paperback version. So hang on to that hardcover first edition, P1's – like a misstruck penny or a stamp mistakenly bearing a likeness of Pauly Shore, or Billy Ripkin's notorious 1989 Fleer baseball card – it'll be worth a fortune someday.
===============
Since yesterday was the sixteenth anniversary of the birth of The Ticket, I thought this might be the right time to post this item that's been rattling around on my topic list for awhile.
I read "Full Disclosure" in hardcover. It's not "Gone with the Wind," but it isn't badly written and moves along nicely, tells you some things the Ticket fanatic needs to know. And then I came to this typographical error that absolutely put me on the floor.
Now, the error appears in the course of George relating a story that was very frightening and unhappy for him and his family. But once you factor this out, and think about what this typo is saying, it's hilarious. And what is even more hilarious is that the book contains exactly the same typo a few pages later in an even more hilarious context.
Congregation, please turn to page 97 in your hardcover copy of "Full Disclosure." On that page you will see the dramatic story of how an out-of-control boater almost struck George's son Blake who was in the water having fallen off his skis. The bad boater missed Blake. You can imagine the drama of the scene when it was clear Blake was going to be OK. You yourself experience this relief, until you see this passage:
"It was just horrible. Everybody was crying, and my wife was balling."
I defy you to read that sentence and not have an image flash through your mind of Mrs. Dunham engaging in some grossly inappropriate behavior while everyone else is crying with relief, and I'm not talking about a pickup game of hoops.
The same error appears a few pages later as Junior is describing how he left a girlfriend in Dallas to try his luck in Colorado. They had dated for two or three years, but, Junior reports, "the relationship was wobbling a little bit." Upon parting, Junior recalled on page 107:
"It was really tough; I remember leaving her that morning and we were both balling."
Doesn't sound all that tough, really. I love that "both," as though perhaps they were not balling, uh, together. (If they were, you wouldn't need "both.") Of course, the word the writer (who apparently was working without an editor) was searching for is "bawling." I note the unusual acknowledgement in the front of the book: "Proofreading by Jennifer Canzoneri."
Someone must have brought this to the publisher's attention, because neither error appears in the paperback version. So hang on to that hardcover first edition, P1's – like a misstruck penny or a stamp mistakenly bearing a likeness of Pauly Shore, or Billy Ripkin's notorious 1989 Fleer baseball card – it'll be worth a fortune someday.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Pre-Game Quick Hit
Listening to Didactic and Quacktic (Sturm and Phillips) doing the Cowboy pre-game. We've frequently heard sports-talk guys mull over whether the Cowboys' talent is overrated, but Bob is really digging into it, asking quite pointedly if the Cowboys' defense is the elite squad it is reputed to be. He's coming around to the conclusion that it is not at the same level as the very best in the league, and that its reputation for being "elite" is a product of publicity rather than production.
His and Rich's rapport is improving with each passing week.
This is so much better than what you get elsewhere, and even what you get in print jourmalism. Which is why It's Great to Lis -- no, It's Inevitable to Listen to The Ticket.
=======
NOTE: Schedule will make posting masterpieces difficult this week. May dip into the archives.
What I'd really like is for some of you to leave me some juicy, well-written comments and I'll reproduce them as primary articles (with full attribution, of course). Either anonymous or signed, either way -- if I think they're of interest to Confessors worldwide, I'll give them a spin. They don't have to be lengthy -- just well-written and with an original point of view.
Many thanks for your continued interest.
FURTHER NOTE: You may post your comments on any article you wish. I get notified whenever a new comment appears, so I see everything. Thanks.
His and Rich's rapport is improving with each passing week.
This is so much better than what you get elsewhere, and even what you get in print jourmalism. Which is why It's Great to Lis -- no, It's Inevitable to Listen to The Ticket.
=======
NOTE: Schedule will make posting masterpieces difficult this week. May dip into the archives.
What I'd really like is for some of you to leave me some juicy, well-written comments and I'll reproduce them as primary articles (with full attribution, of course). Either anonymous or signed, either way -- if I think they're of interest to Confessors worldwide, I'll give them a spin. They don't have to be lengthy -- just well-written and with an original point of view.
Many thanks for your continued interest.
FURTHER NOTE: You may post your comments on any article you wish. I get notified whenever a new comment appears, so I see everything. Thanks.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Listening Too Hard
This time it’s that ad for the service that books golf times for you. The one that starts with the guy telling the story of how the wife tells the husband that she and the kids are going out of town to visit her folks but he doesn’t have to go and he realizes he can go play golf if he's not too late to get a tee time.
This is where the stupidity starts.
The husband gets on the phone to the golf course and gets – a busy signal.
Not a ringing phone that isn’t being picked up – a busy signal.
Then the guy tells the busy signal to “pick up the phone.” He does this several times.
Only problem is that no one ever “picks up” when there’s a busy signal. Even if the person on the receiving end of the call who is on the phone generating the busy signal ends the call. The busy signal continues or the line goes dead. (You can also get a busy signal if all available circuits are in use.)
So no one in his right mind would ever urge the unseen call recipient who is on the line to “pick up the phone.” When you dial a number and get a busy signal, do you sit there stupidly listening to the busy signal, hoping that someone will pick up? No, you hang up instantly and redial if you really need to get through. So if anything, this numbskull is actually decreasing his chances of getting a tee time, since other smarter callers who have gotten a busy signal have wisely broken the connection and tried calling again.
Drives me nuts.
This is where the stupidity starts.
The husband gets on the phone to the golf course and gets – a busy signal.
Not a ringing phone that isn’t being picked up – a busy signal.
Then the guy tells the busy signal to “pick up the phone.” He does this several times.
Only problem is that no one ever “picks up” when there’s a busy signal. Even if the person on the receiving end of the call who is on the phone generating the busy signal ends the call. The busy signal continues or the line goes dead. (You can also get a busy signal if all available circuits are in use.)
So no one in his right mind would ever urge the unseen call recipient who is on the line to “pick up the phone.” When you dial a number and get a busy signal, do you sit there stupidly listening to the busy signal, hoping that someone will pick up? No, you hang up instantly and redial if you really need to get through. So if anything, this numbskull is actually decreasing his chances of getting a tee time, since other smarter callers who have gotten a busy signal have wisely broken the connection and tried calling again.
Drives me nuts.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
SEPARATED AT BIRTH? Oooo, Scary
Noted Hardline Co-Host Michael Rhyner (top) and Noted Character Actor (the late) Edgar Buchanan (bottom), best known as "Uncle Joe" on "Petticoat Junction."
Check out Uncle Joe on YouTube. Uncle Joe sounds exactly like everyone's attempted impersonation of Mike.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
[WARNING: SPORTSY POST] Several Unoriginal and One Original Observation about the Dallas Football Cowboys
One of my blessedly rare sports articles. Sorry. I will return to my acute analysis of all matters Ticket soon.
Unoriginal observations follow:
(1) The team is poorly prepared and undisciplined. This is on Phillips and Garrett.
(2) The game-day employment of offensive talent is inexplicable. This is on Garrett, and, if Phillips is the actual head coach, also on him.
(3) The team is psychologically fragile and doesn’t handle gameday adversity well. This is also on Phillips and Garrett.
(4) What’s the problem? Players don’t pay a price in practice or otherwise for mistakes, poor play, and failure of discipline.
(5) Why not? Neither coach is strong or authoritative.
(6) Isn’t it also on the players? Not much. The Cowboys are widely acknowledged to have excellent talent at most positions, including all the skill positions. I agree. It would be extraordinary, however, if even this excellent talent chose to play to expectations that their own coaches either don’t hold or don’t enforce. If that’s the way team sports worked, great coaching wouldn’t be a significant factor in success. But we know that it is, so we should not expect even great players to perform beyond their bosses’ requirements.
(7) Why don’t we have strong authoritative coaches? Jerry Jones doesn’t want a strong authoritative coach.
(8) You said coaches, then you said coach. That’s another thing. Jones’s strategy of putting Garrett in place before hiring a weak nominal head coach guarantees no single day-to-day boss of the team, internal second-guessing, and Jerry as the CEO of the play on the field.
(9) Why doesn’t Jones want strong authoritative coaches? Because Jerry Jones is in love with his picks and acquisitions, is in love with owning jocks, and wants to hobnob with them and be their benevolent pal. He wants them to love him, too, and thus does not want the Cowboy experience to be unpleasant for them.
(10) Is that all? No, he also fancies himself a football savant qualified to direct onfield operations.
(11) Sounds hopeless. Oh, quite. We’re talking Little Big Horn here. The Cowboys will not win another championship during Jerry Jones’s tenure as shot-caller. Since Jones, Phillips, and Garrett aren’t going anywhere this year absent the return of Jeebus, there is only one other possibility, which leads to . . .
An original observation, to the best of my knowledge:
Since the Cowboys will not succeed with the Ghidorah-headed monster running the show, the only solution is for control of the team to be taken from them for the balance of the season.
Romo and Gurode on offense, and Ware and Brooking on defense, should stage what would amount to a revolt, taking charge of all practices, if not the entire game preparation. Of course they would need the coaching staff’s intelligence on scouting the opposition for the week, but other than that, these guys should begin exerting much, much more onfield leadership on gameday and between. They would have to abandon any pretense at being nice guys and take charge of discipline, calling guys out, sitting guys down. I can’t imagine Romo could call a worse game on offense than Garrett. (I don’t know how he’d get the personnel he wanted on the field. Details, details.) They would tell the press the truth. They would risk fines.
Would Phillips bench them? Are you kidding?
No chance? Probably. Do the players I've identified have the inner strength to revolt? Dunno, probably not. (Lack of fire is a separate problem.) But if the players with some kind of credibility with their teammates – and I still count Romo among those who do, although not everyone would agree – push back against the listless and feckless coaching staff, then maybe, at a minimum, this thing could get all blowed up and exposed sooner rather than later.
Unoriginal observations follow:
(1) The team is poorly prepared and undisciplined. This is on Phillips and Garrett.
(2) The game-day employment of offensive talent is inexplicable. This is on Garrett, and, if Phillips is the actual head coach, also on him.
(3) The team is psychologically fragile and doesn’t handle gameday adversity well. This is also on Phillips and Garrett.
(4) What’s the problem? Players don’t pay a price in practice or otherwise for mistakes, poor play, and failure of discipline.
(5) Why not? Neither coach is strong or authoritative.
(6) Isn’t it also on the players? Not much. The Cowboys are widely acknowledged to have excellent talent at most positions, including all the skill positions. I agree. It would be extraordinary, however, if even this excellent talent chose to play to expectations that their own coaches either don’t hold or don’t enforce. If that’s the way team sports worked, great coaching wouldn’t be a significant factor in success. But we know that it is, so we should not expect even great players to perform beyond their bosses’ requirements.
(7) Why don’t we have strong authoritative coaches? Jerry Jones doesn’t want a strong authoritative coach.
(8) You said coaches, then you said coach. That’s another thing. Jones’s strategy of putting Garrett in place before hiring a weak nominal head coach guarantees no single day-to-day boss of the team, internal second-guessing, and Jerry as the CEO of the play on the field.
(9) Why doesn’t Jones want strong authoritative coaches? Because Jerry Jones is in love with his picks and acquisitions, is in love with owning jocks, and wants to hobnob with them and be their benevolent pal. He wants them to love him, too, and thus does not want the Cowboy experience to be unpleasant for them.
(10) Is that all? No, he also fancies himself a football savant qualified to direct onfield operations.
(11) Sounds hopeless. Oh, quite. We’re talking Little Big Horn here. The Cowboys will not win another championship during Jerry Jones’s tenure as shot-caller. Since Jones, Phillips, and Garrett aren’t going anywhere this year absent the return of Jeebus, there is only one other possibility, which leads to . . .
An original observation, to the best of my knowledge:
Since the Cowboys will not succeed with the Ghidorah-headed monster running the show, the only solution is for control of the team to be taken from them for the balance of the season.
Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster [Jones, Phillips, Garrett], battling Godzilla. Ghidorah lost, too.
Would Phillips bench them? Are you kidding?
No chance? Probably. Do the players I've identified have the inner strength to revolt? Dunno, probably not. (Lack of fire is a separate problem.) But if the players with some kind of credibility with their teammates – and I still count Romo among those who do, although not everyone would agree – push back against the listless and feckless coaching staff, then maybe, at a minimum, this thing could get all blowed up and exposed sooner rather than later.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
KTCK -- All Rich, All the Time
It happened again. I was out running errands for The Memsahib and "Race Week" was on. I know this site has been Rich Phillips-intensive the past few weeks, so I'll keep this short.
I'm listening to Rich doing the NASCAR stuff, doing an interview, just talking about races and The Chase (whatever that is -- feel free to educate me) and guys I've never heard of participating in a sport I care nothing about, but I didn't consider changing the channel for a second.
I ask myself: Why am I listening to this?
You already know that I think Rich does a great job with Race Week, but I never stopped to wonder what it is that's so appealing about his broadcast.
I think it boils down to one thing: Conviction. Rich's devotion to the sport rockets out of the speakers. It's not just that he's knowledgable, it's that he loves it, and his easy familiarity with the material makes it seem like a subject maybe you'd like to know more about, too. (And now, I do.) He's clearly not a hired set of smooth pipes doing an obligatory hour he was hired to do -- you know damned well he pitched this to management until they were sick of listening to him and gave him a shot.
And now he's got a show that deserves a nationwide audience for the millions who are themselves devoted to this sport. Mike R teases about syndicating Race Week, but I can't believe Cumulus isn't thinking about either syndicating it or clearing it in other Cumulus markets. (Maybe they have -- anybody know?) There's nothing local about it, at least no reason to have any local references (I thought I caught a reference to The Ticket on one episode).
And then I come back to the SRT8 after dispatching one or another of my duties, and there he is broadcasting SMU football, which was also a pleasure to hear.
I've had several opportunities to observe that Rich is an interesting co-host with Donovan and with Bob. He's the touchiest of The Ticket broadcasters (he makes Bob look like Winston Churchill in this regard).
I think they should let Rich take listener calls.
And . . . mark that.
I'm listening to Rich doing the NASCAR stuff, doing an interview, just talking about races and The Chase (whatever that is -- feel free to educate me) and guys I've never heard of participating in a sport I care nothing about, but I didn't consider changing the channel for a second.
I ask myself: Why am I listening to this?
You already know that I think Rich does a great job with Race Week, but I never stopped to wonder what it is that's so appealing about his broadcast.
I think it boils down to one thing: Conviction. Rich's devotion to the sport rockets out of the speakers. It's not just that he's knowledgable, it's that he loves it, and his easy familiarity with the material makes it seem like a subject maybe you'd like to know more about, too. (And now, I do.) He's clearly not a hired set of smooth pipes doing an obligatory hour he was hired to do -- you know damned well he pitched this to management until they were sick of listening to him and gave him a shot.
And now he's got a show that deserves a nationwide audience for the millions who are themselves devoted to this sport. Mike R teases about syndicating Race Week, but I can't believe Cumulus isn't thinking about either syndicating it or clearing it in other Cumulus markets. (Maybe they have -- anybody know?) There's nothing local about it, at least no reason to have any local references (I thought I caught a reference to The Ticket on one episode).
And then I come back to the SRT8 after dispatching one or another of my duties, and there he is broadcasting SMU football, which was also a pleasure to hear.
I've had several opportunities to observe that Rich is an interesting co-host with Donovan and with Bob. He's the touchiest of The Ticket broadcasters (he makes Bob look like Winston Churchill in this regard).
I think they should let Rich take listener calls.
And . . . mark that.
Friday, September 17, 2010
SHAMELESS PLUG DEPARTMENT: Your Plainsman Is Delighted to Link to Confessor "Hollywood" Matt Shannon's "Sports Nutz Wrestling Central"
I don't get a lot of communications from De Niro or Pacino or Taylor Swift or Fred Durst or even Pauly Shore -- or, for that matter, Gordon Keith -- but I am delighted that Your Humble Site has come to the attention of local wrestling maven "Hollywood" Matt Shannon, who comments on Your Plainsman's timeless Ticket insights from time to time.
I call to your notice that he is developing a site devoted to his passion. You will find it at the top of the "Ticket-Friendly Links" on this page any time you visit this site, and here it is:
"Hollywood" Matt Shannon's Sports Nutz Wrestling Central
The truth is that I know next to nothing about pro grappling, but I am extremely grateful for every Confessor who clicks over to see what's up on this site. I'm guessing that a fairish number of visitors share Hollywood's interest in the sweaty arts, and I commend his site to you.
If you are a P1 and wander over to My Ticket Confession from time to time, I have no problem with you promoting your site in comments to articles that appear here. If it looks like something that might be of interest to other Confessors, I'll link to it after checking it out for suitability. Don't worry about pimping your site here -- as I say, assuming the content is no worse than PG-13.
But in the meantime, I do recommend that you check Hollywood out if you have an interest in large sweaty men in tiny skivvies. I can also attest to the fact that he's a lively correspondent and I'm sure that he would love to hear from all Confessors.
Hollywood, best of luck with the site, and thanks for shopping at My Ticket Confession.
I call to your notice that he is developing a site devoted to his passion. You will find it at the top of the "Ticket-Friendly Links" on this page any time you visit this site, and here it is:
"Hollywood" Matt Shannon's Sports Nutz Wrestling Central
The truth is that I know next to nothing about pro grappling, but I am extremely grateful for every Confessor who clicks over to see what's up on this site. I'm guessing that a fairish number of visitors share Hollywood's interest in the sweaty arts, and I commend his site to you.
Maurice "Mad Dog" Vachon, Your Plainsman's favorite pro grappler of all time
If you are a P1 and wander over to My Ticket Confession from time to time, I have no problem with you promoting your site in comments to articles that appear here. If it looks like something that might be of interest to other Confessors, I'll link to it after checking it out for suitability. Don't worry about pimping your site here -- as I say, assuming the content is no worse than PG-13.
But in the meantime, I do recommend that you check Hollywood out if you have an interest in large sweaty men in tiny skivvies. I can also attest to the fact that he's a lively correspondent and I'm sure that he would love to hear from all Confessors.
Hollywood, best of luck with the site, and thanks for shopping at My Ticket Confession.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Didactic and Quacktic
Caught pretty much all of the Cowboys pregame with Bob Sturm and Rich Phillips on Sunday.
It was excellent, as one would expect. During the ads I listened to the pre-game on 103.3 and 105.3 – admittedly, not an impressive sample size – and they just sounded awful. In a great sports metro like DFW you’d think they could find some interesting talkers about the Cowboys. Bob and Rich are the only choice for Cowboys pre-game.
It’s an inspired pairing. Confessors are aware that I like both these guys quite a lot, and that my esteem for Rich has grown in the 1.25 years I’ve been doing this site. I liked the Bob/Donovan pairing last year, too, but this combo gives us something extra: Bob and Rich are both, shall we say, a bit on the thin-skinned side, and that adds a frisson of electricity to the presentation. The opportunities for interesting radio are correspondingly increased, mainly because Rich doesn’t have any unusual respect for Bob’s expertise. (He doesn’t disrespect it – he just doesn’t let it back him off of his own views.) Don’t get me wrong, the guys don’t fight about stuff, but there were a couple of moments that tickled me:
-- They were talking about the uncertainties surrounding the Cowboys’ receiving corps and Rich said that a guy who doesn’t put up numbers isn’t going to have a big effect on the field. Bob disagreed, saying that a guy who attracts a double team (I think they were referring to Dez Bryant) can have a positive effect without putting up big numbers. Rich countered by noting that a guy without big numbers isn’t going to attract a double team. “Well, there you go,” Bob said.
-- They had just brought in Todd Archer from Washington and Bob said that Rich had handicapped the chances of rain in D.C. at 20 percent. A perfectly innocuous reference, not even a jab, but Rich reacted with extreme indignation, saying that he hadn’t handicapped it. Bob said mildly that he thought Rich was the weather handicapper. No, Rich said, it’s the National Weather Service, weather.com. “Don’t be so touchy,” Bob said. Beautiful, had to laugh.
-- A lighter moment: Bob made reference to Sam Bradford’s “Tupperware collarbone.” Rich said that a collarbone of Tupperware would probably work pretty well.
Love it. Don’t want to suggest that the show was dominated by these moments, not at all. It was mostly all good beefy smart Cowboy talk. Thumb up.
____________
FOOTNOTE: didactic (die DAK tic): tending to instruct or lecture in detail, sometimes at length
It was excellent, as one would expect. During the ads I listened to the pre-game on 103.3 and 105.3 – admittedly, not an impressive sample size – and they just sounded awful. In a great sports metro like DFW you’d think they could find some interesting talkers about the Cowboys. Bob and Rich are the only choice for Cowboys pre-game.
Didactic (see footnote) and Quacktic
It’s an inspired pairing. Confessors are aware that I like both these guys quite a lot, and that my esteem for Rich has grown in the 1.25 years I’ve been doing this site. I liked the Bob/Donovan pairing last year, too, but this combo gives us something extra: Bob and Rich are both, shall we say, a bit on the thin-skinned side, and that adds a frisson of electricity to the presentation. The opportunities for interesting radio are correspondingly increased, mainly because Rich doesn’t have any unusual respect for Bob’s expertise. (He doesn’t disrespect it – he just doesn’t let it back him off of his own views.) Don’t get me wrong, the guys don’t fight about stuff, but there were a couple of moments that tickled me:
-- They were talking about the uncertainties surrounding the Cowboys’ receiving corps and Rich said that a guy who doesn’t put up numbers isn’t going to have a big effect on the field. Bob disagreed, saying that a guy who attracts a double team (I think they were referring to Dez Bryant) can have a positive effect without putting up big numbers. Rich countered by noting that a guy without big numbers isn’t going to attract a double team. “Well, there you go,” Bob said.
-- They had just brought in Todd Archer from Washington and Bob said that Rich had handicapped the chances of rain in D.C. at 20 percent. A perfectly innocuous reference, not even a jab, but Rich reacted with extreme indignation, saying that he hadn’t handicapped it. Bob said mildly that he thought Rich was the weather handicapper. No, Rich said, it’s the National Weather Service, weather.com. “Don’t be so touchy,” Bob said. Beautiful, had to laugh.
-- A lighter moment: Bob made reference to Sam Bradford’s “Tupperware collarbone.” Rich said that a collarbone of Tupperware would probably work pretty well.
Love it. Don’t want to suggest that the show was dominated by these moments, not at all. It was mostly all good beefy smart Cowboy talk. Thumb up.
____________
FOOTNOTE: didactic (die DAK tic): tending to instruct or lecture in detail, sometimes at length
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The Ticket Should Do More of This -- and Also This Other Thing It Did
Of all the showgrams, I get to hear Norm the least. But I found myself in the car doing some work-avoiding chore or another the other day and was pleased to see that it was Norm time. I tuned in and caught almost all of Norm’s amazing report on his research into the evidence that the Cowboys’ – which is to say, Jerry Jones’s – financial condition may not be entirely healthy. If you did not hear it, the gist of it was this: Norm pointed to a number of pieces of evidence, some of them apparently not previously reported, that the Cowboys/Jones might be having some financial problems – and they might be severe. I won’t go into detail, I’m guessing most of you heard it, or heard about it. He considered both expenses and revenue.
This was an absolutely terrific piece of work by Norm. To the best of my knowledge, it was original reporting, and might even qualify as something of a scoop. I do not regularly read the News or Star-Telegram sports pages, but I do not remember hearing anyone else reporting on the techniques the Cowboys are using to fill the stadium. Nor do I recall anyone putting together pieces of evidence to paint a picture of possible financial unrest in the Jones regime.
I have two thoughts on this, one pretty obvious and the other a little less so.
FIRST: This was a real feather in The Ticket’s cap. If The Ticket becomes known not only for first-rate saloon sports/guy talk but also great reporting – and Norm’s segment actually goes beyond original reporting all the way to what one might even consider investigative reporting – man, there’s no longer any reason not to listen to the station if you’re a sportsy kinda guy or gal. Acquaintances of mine who don’t listen to The Ticket say that the station has too much guy, not enough sport. I would never advocate a diminution in guy talk, but if The Ticket did original sports reporting, there would be no excuse for any North Texas sports fan not to listen to The Little One, because no other local sports-talk station is doing original reporting, at least none that has come to Your Plainsman's attention. You wanna be a sportsy station? Great – hire someone discover news about sports. What The Ticket does now does not qualify as sports reporting. But what Norm threw out this week did. And it was riveting, news-making radio. Don’t send that clip to the Marconi people – send it to the Pulitzer people. (Except . . . there’s no Pulitzer for radio work. I doubt the Nobel people would have a lot of interest either, too bad for them.)
SECOND: OK, so it was great work by Norm, Norm is great, what else is new. As you know, Your Faithful Plainsman is at least as interested in trying to figure out stuff about what goes on behind the scenes as it is in what we hear on the showgrams themselves. And Norm’s great work caused something to happen here that I think we need to applaud.
Someone at The Ticket said: Hey – this is amazing stuff. We need to leverage this within the station. Let’s run Norm’s investigation as a segment on The Musers. And so they did, and it was as interesting there as it was on Norm’s show. (Unfortunately, while I knew the Norm segment was coming up on The Musers, I was not in a position to pay close attention. It is my impression that Norm was a live guest on The Musers, but I could not tell from the snippets I heard whether Norm was on live or whether they were replaying his original report, and I’m too lazy to download the podcast. I think Norm's Muser gig was live, but if anyone can advise I’d be grateful. Whether Norm was live with the Musers or on tape, the analysis is the same.)
I’d love to know how that went down. Was it a Muser who realized the gold Norm had panned out of the bits and pieces of Cowboy news that came his way? Or was it Program Director Jeff Catlin? Or Assistant Program Director Rich Phillips who went to bat for increased exposure for Norm’s hard work? Or someone else who thought that Norm’s insights deserved a drive-time audience? Muser producer Michael Fernandez, maybe?
Not that it matters whose idea it was. But I’d like to give credit where it is due. The decision to give Norm a prominent chunk of The Musers’ time illustrates the fact that even though we all enjoy what appears to be the somewhat ramshackle construction of The Ticket’s broadcast day, someone at The Ticket/Cumulus is on the ball. Someone actually thinks about how to put this product out on the air. It’s not just a buncha white guys (and Donovan) sitting around talking. It’s – all right, I’m going to get a little gooey on you here – an art to throw 13.5 hours of pretty cool programming out there every day, and to keep it on top for ratings period after ratings period. The Ticket is one amazing media property and it’s decisions like this, and the talent of its stars, that keep it going strong.
Of additional interest is the fact that Norm’s investigations were reprised on The Musers and not on The Hardline. Which makes me wonder if Junior or George might have taken an interest in Norm’s discoveries and urged their inclusion on their show. I will say that I didn’t sense the slightest resentment from any Muser in Norm’s cameo appearance.
Whoever it was, both Norm’s original report and the decision to let Norm guest on The Musers is the kind of work that elevates a station like The Ticket from Your Source for Fart and Dick Humor to an essential destination for people who are serious about DFW sports.
Bully.
This was an absolutely terrific piece of work by Norm. To the best of my knowledge, it was original reporting, and might even qualify as something of a scoop. I do not regularly read the News or Star-Telegram sports pages, but I do not remember hearing anyone else reporting on the techniques the Cowboys are using to fill the stadium. Nor do I recall anyone putting together pieces of evidence to paint a picture of possible financial unrest in the Jones regime.
I have two thoughts on this, one pretty obvious and the other a little less so.
FIRST: This was a real feather in The Ticket’s cap. If The Ticket becomes known not only for first-rate saloon sports/guy talk but also great reporting – and Norm’s segment actually goes beyond original reporting all the way to what one might even consider investigative reporting – man, there’s no longer any reason not to listen to the station if you’re a sportsy kinda guy or gal. Acquaintances of mine who don’t listen to The Ticket say that the station has too much guy, not enough sport. I would never advocate a diminution in guy talk, but if The Ticket did original sports reporting, there would be no excuse for any North Texas sports fan not to listen to The Little One, because no other local sports-talk station is doing original reporting, at least none that has come to Your Plainsman's attention. You wanna be a sportsy station? Great – hire someone discover news about sports. What The Ticket does now does not qualify as sports reporting. But what Norm threw out this week did. And it was riveting, news-making radio. Don’t send that clip to the Marconi people – send it to the Pulitzer people. (Except . . . there’s no Pulitzer for radio work. I doubt the Nobel people would have a lot of interest either, too bad for them.)
SECOND: OK, so it was great work by Norm, Norm is great, what else is new. As you know, Your Faithful Plainsman is at least as interested in trying to figure out stuff about what goes on behind the scenes as it is in what we hear on the showgrams themselves. And Norm’s great work caused something to happen here that I think we need to applaud.
Someone at The Ticket said: Hey – this is amazing stuff. We need to leverage this within the station. Let’s run Norm’s investigation as a segment on The Musers. And so they did, and it was as interesting there as it was on Norm’s show. (Unfortunately, while I knew the Norm segment was coming up on The Musers, I was not in a position to pay close attention. It is my impression that Norm was a live guest on The Musers, but I could not tell from the snippets I heard whether Norm was on live or whether they were replaying his original report, and I’m too lazy to download the podcast. I think Norm's Muser gig was live, but if anyone can advise I’d be grateful. Whether Norm was live with the Musers or on tape, the analysis is the same.)
I’d love to know how that went down. Was it a Muser who realized the gold Norm had panned out of the bits and pieces of Cowboy news that came his way? Or was it Program Director Jeff Catlin? Or Assistant Program Director Rich Phillips who went to bat for increased exposure for Norm’s hard work? Or someone else who thought that Norm’s insights deserved a drive-time audience? Muser producer Michael Fernandez, maybe?
Not that it matters whose idea it was. But I’d like to give credit where it is due. The decision to give Norm a prominent chunk of The Musers’ time illustrates the fact that even though we all enjoy what appears to be the somewhat ramshackle construction of The Ticket’s broadcast day, someone at The Ticket/Cumulus is on the ball. Someone actually thinks about how to put this product out on the air. It’s not just a buncha white guys (and Donovan) sitting around talking. It’s – all right, I’m going to get a little gooey on you here – an art to throw 13.5 hours of pretty cool programming out there every day, and to keep it on top for ratings period after ratings period. The Ticket is one amazing media property and it’s decisions like this, and the talent of its stars, that keep it going strong.
Of additional interest is the fact that Norm’s investigations were reprised on The Musers and not on The Hardline. Which makes me wonder if Junior or George might have taken an interest in Norm’s discoveries and urged their inclusion on their show. I will say that I didn’t sense the slightest resentment from any Muser in Norm’s cameo appearance.
Whoever it was, both Norm’s original report and the decision to let Norm guest on The Musers is the kind of work that elevates a station like The Ticket from Your Source for Fart and Dick Humor to an essential destination for people who are serious about DFW sports.
Bully.
Friday, September 10, 2010
FROM THE ARCHIVES: How to Make Money with the Ticket
[NOTE: Listening to the Musers picking the weekend games against some feckless P1, I was reminded of this post from the early days when only the most enlightened were clicking over to My Ticket Confession. I realize that George hung on for a win last year, but I'd still go wtih Junior. Since George usually ends up over .500, however, it would be hard to go wrong with him, either.
I apologize for the recycling. I'll be back with new material soon.]
First thing we need to know is how Junior and George – actually, probably just Junior – do on their football picks if you don't count the high school games. That is, what is their record when the high school games are factored out?
Let's assume their successful picking percentage is at least as good without the high school games as it is with them. Probably a pretty good assumption.
What we know about those picks based on the spread is that over the course of a season, their winning percentage is noticeably over 50%. My recollection is that Junior usually wins, although I think that as of this week he and George are about even.
So if you just bet Junior's college and pro picks – legally, of course, and only as spread picks – at the end of the season, you will have made money.
I apologize for the recycling. I'll be back with new material soon.]
First thing we need to know is how Junior and George – actually, probably just Junior – do on their football picks if you don't count the high school games. That is, what is their record when the high school games are factored out?
Let's assume their successful picking percentage is at least as good without the high school games as it is with them. Probably a pretty good assumption.
What we know about those picks based on the spread is that over the course of a season, their winning percentage is noticeably over 50%. My recollection is that Junior usually wins, although I think that as of this week he and George are about even.
So if you just bet Junior's college and pro picks – legally, of course, and only as spread picks – at the end of the season, you will have made money.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
6:32 PM -- COLLIN COUNTY -- DOUBLE RAINBOW, ALL THE WAY, FULL ON
But by the time I grabbed a camera and ran back out, it was only a single rainbow.
Dan: The Voyage Continues
I have really enjoyed reading the defenses of Dan McDowell. I know that some readers regarded my three-parter on BaD Radio as highly critical of him, and indeed it did identify him as the source of my less-warm/fuzzy feeling about that showgram. In general, though, I ended up finding the show worthwhile and Dan worth listening to But I do understand why readers thought I don't like Dan. It's a fair cop.
Here's the latest from "Anonymous," the latest poster to the article titled "Jeez, This Is Not Going Well":
I remember a while back, during some Q & A (either on-air or in that occasional Ticket publication that the hosts contribute to - I can't remember the name), I think it was George who said something to the effect that Dan was either the most professional or hardest working guy at the Ticket. Count me as a Dan McDowell fan - I realized after years of listening that it was Dan's contributions on WTDS that had my attention (in addition to Line 4 Guy), and his pairing with Bob was genius. Something that was part of the BaD Radio magic, early on, was the contributions of Jimmy 'The Saint' Christopher. The mix of Bob, Dan, Jimmy and Tom solidified the show as my favorite on the Ticket. Somehow, with all the changes in the show, it has remained my favorite (I like Donovan, a lot, and am happy he landed with the BaD Radio guys) - it maintains a funny, real edginess that's addictive, more so than the other shows for me (though I like them all). That edge wouldn't be there without Dan McDowell.
One other thing I can add: McDowell is responsive to e-mail questions (Corby and Gordo, too; the Old Gray Wolf? Not so much. . .). By the way, great blog!
* * *
Thank you, Anonymous. Jimmy the Saint was before my time, but comments like this one are what make me think that I need to expand my opportunities to listen to the BaD Radio showgram. I've changed my views on certain Ticket guys over the years and it could well happen with Dan.
But I don't know exactly how I'm going to get over the feeling that Dan is not a favorite among his own colleagues. Maybe it shouldn't matter, and maybe even it's a virtue -- some readers identify this as "edgy," which is fine. An earlier commenter said that Dan's colleagues defend him, and I responded that I'd never heard that. Anonymous has provided us with an example, and thanks again, Anon. My question is: To what was George responding that he was required to say something positive about Dan? Have you ever heard any other host defend another main show host?
And -- again, with complete respect to Dan defenders -- whether he is professional, or hard-working, or responsive to P1's, is less important to me than whether he sounds like a putz when I tune in the showgram.
Which, when I tune in, he too often does. But then, so, sometimes, does Corby. Gordon. Guys that overall I like a lot. But I hear them more often. I've internalized their schtick; maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to "get" Dan in the same way. Which is why, in fairness, I must acquire a larger sample size on Dan and on Bad Radio generally before switching over to Greggo and Richie Whitt (more on them later).
Until then, I cordially invite Confessors to continue my Dan education.
Here's the latest from "Anonymous," the latest poster to the article titled "Jeez, This Is Not Going Well":
I remember a while back, during some Q & A (either on-air or in that occasional Ticket publication that the hosts contribute to - I can't remember the name), I think it was George who said something to the effect that Dan was either the most professional or hardest working guy at the Ticket. Count me as a Dan McDowell fan - I realized after years of listening that it was Dan's contributions on WTDS that had my attention (in addition to Line 4 Guy), and his pairing with Bob was genius. Something that was part of the BaD Radio magic, early on, was the contributions of Jimmy 'The Saint' Christopher. The mix of Bob, Dan, Jimmy and Tom solidified the show as my favorite on the Ticket. Somehow, with all the changes in the show, it has remained my favorite (I like Donovan, a lot, and am happy he landed with the BaD Radio guys) - it maintains a funny, real edginess that's addictive, more so than the other shows for me (though I like them all). That edge wouldn't be there without Dan McDowell.
One other thing I can add: McDowell is responsive to e-mail questions (Corby and Gordo, too; the Old Gray Wolf? Not so much. . .). By the way, great blog!
* * *
Thank you, Anonymous. Jimmy the Saint was before my time, but comments like this one are what make me think that I need to expand my opportunities to listen to the BaD Radio showgram. I've changed my views on certain Ticket guys over the years and it could well happen with Dan.
But I don't know exactly how I'm going to get over the feeling that Dan is not a favorite among his own colleagues. Maybe it shouldn't matter, and maybe even it's a virtue -- some readers identify this as "edgy," which is fine. An earlier commenter said that Dan's colleagues defend him, and I responded that I'd never heard that. Anonymous has provided us with an example, and thanks again, Anon. My question is: To what was George responding that he was required to say something positive about Dan? Have you ever heard any other host defend another main show host?
And -- again, with complete respect to Dan defenders -- whether he is professional, or hard-working, or responsive to P1's, is less important to me than whether he sounds like a putz when I tune in the showgram.
Which, when I tune in, he too often does. But then, so, sometimes, does Corby. Gordon. Guys that overall I like a lot. But I hear them more often. I've internalized their schtick; maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to "get" Dan in the same way. Which is why, in fairness, I must acquire a larger sample size on Dan and on Bad Radio generally before switching over to Greggo and Richie Whitt (more on them later).
Until then, I cordially invite Confessors to continue my Dan education.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Todd Archer Reconsidered
I've posted and reposted a couple of articles criticizing The Ranch Report as dull and uninformative here and here. I heard something today that changed my viewpoint.
Norm had The Musers' slot today and when Archer came on with TRR, he was sharp, engaged, full of opinions and information on The Cowboys. Even kept me in the car at Kroger until he finished up.
What was the difference?
The difference was that Norm was prepared and was himself interested in what Archer thought. The Hardline, bless them, sleepwalks through these segments as thought they were sponsor-driven diversions from their own showgram, which they probably are. Norm had questions ready to go, and they were specific and aimed at mining Archer's inside knowledge. The result was an interesting interview and a showcasing of Todd Archer to good effect.
Lesson: Segements, including segments with outsiders, and including repeating and scheduled segments, benefit greatly from -- this is probably going to get bleeped -- show prep. Today's show suggested that my focus on Archer's indifferent performances was too narrow -- a little help from the hosts might bring his bit to life.
Hope everyone has had a Ticket and safe Labor Day.
Norm had The Musers' slot today and when Archer came on with TRR, he was sharp, engaged, full of opinions and information on The Cowboys. Even kept me in the car at Kroger until he finished up.
What was the difference?
The difference was that Norm was prepared and was himself interested in what Archer thought. The Hardline, bless them, sleepwalks through these segments as thought they were sponsor-driven diversions from their own showgram, which they probably are. Norm had questions ready to go, and they were specific and aimed at mining Archer's inside knowledge. The result was an interesting interview and a showcasing of Todd Archer to good effect.
Lesson: Segements, including segments with outsiders, and including repeating and scheduled segments, benefit greatly from -- this is probably going to get bleeped -- show prep. Today's show suggested that my focus on Archer's indifferent performances was too narrow -- a little help from the hosts might bring his bit to life.
Hope everyone has had a Ticket and safe Labor Day.
Friday, September 3, 2010
I Can't Let Mike R's Gag Pass Into History without Notice
Mike dropped a funny into a Corby story on Thursday. He delivered it while Corby was taking a breath, and I'm not sure anyone on-air picked it up at the time (or maybe they didn't think it was amusing). And maybe I'm interpreting what he said incorrectly. But I don't think so.
Corby was talking about the bad old days of racial prejudice in some context or other, I don't recall the story. And he paused to take a gentle shot at Mike, saying something like (I don't recall the colloquy exactly):
"Like when Mike and his high school buddies would stand around in a circle with a frightened black guy in the middle."
And Mike said:
"That's right, except for the black guy."
I about drove off the road, but Corby immeciately began to speak again before anyone really took in what Mike had said.
Anyway, I thought it was a very funny (if dirty) joke, and I didn't think it was right to let it pass into eternity without a brief appreciation.
Corby was talking about the bad old days of racial prejudice in some context or other, I don't recall the story. And he paused to take a gentle shot at Mike, saying something like (I don't recall the colloquy exactly):
"Like when Mike and his high school buddies would stand around in a circle with a frightened black guy in the middle."
And Mike said:
"That's right, except for the black guy."
I about drove off the road, but Corby immeciately began to speak again before anyone really took in what Mike had said.
Mike Rhyner
(NOT Edgar Buchanan as Uncle Joe from "Petticoat Junction,"
so please stop emailing me.)
Anyway, I thought it was a very funny (if dirty) joke, and I didn't think it was right to let it pass into eternity without a brief appreciation.
MARCHING ORDERS (2): Tune in to The Orphanage (Danny Balis and Dave Lane) Saturday at 10 AM on SportsRadio 1310 AM, 104.1 FM, The Ticket
I can assure all Confessors that I receive no promotional consideration for plugging The Orphanage and The Teebox. I do not know and have never met Rick, Craig, Danny, or Dave, any Ticket technical staff or management, or any members of their immediate families, respectively.
I just enjoy the showgrams and wanted to spread the word, nothing more devious than that.
I just enjoy the showgrams and wanted to spread the word, nothing more devious than that.
MARCHING ORDERS (1): Go to Bed Now, and Tune in to The Teebox at 8 AM Saturday on SportsRadio 1310 AM, 104.1 FM, The Ticket
A real darned nice showgram, even if you're not a golfer, as I am not.
And you never know when Craig Rosengarden will issue forth yet another classic drop.
If you're really ambitious, and batshit crazy, you can tune it at 7 AM and hear the Train Station Fitness Show with George DeJohn.
Have a fine holiday, Confessors all.
And you never know when Craig Rosengarden will issue forth yet another classic drop.
If you're really ambitious, and batshit crazy, you can tune it at 7 AM and hear the Train Station Fitness Show with George DeJohn.
Have a fine holiday, Confessors all.
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