I Wander Ticketstock

Notes from my Friday afternoon visit.  I wandered the floor for an hour or so, visited a few vendors, listened to some of The Hardline.  Thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Reviews have been excellent, and The Ticket should be congratulated.  In fact, let me start with this:

Kudos.  First, how about a hand for the CTO?  Sure, the thing is sponsored, and a lot of it is pretty sponsor-promotional, but it's a lot of work, a big time commitment for the whole station, very entertaining for the P1.   A real nice kiss for listeners, and when we smack the CTO around for one or another sin, let's remember cool stuff like this.  I'll have a further thought on this in conclusion.

Parking.  I could have sworn I heard hosts saying parking was free.  Five bucks to get into the garage.

General.  The floor was less crowded with stuff this year.  Seemed to me like there were fewer sponsors, but that may have been because the did not have the basketball court this year so the joint just had a more wide-open feel.

Shoop.  I put some geld into Michael Gruber's pocket by purchasing a SHOOPY t-shirt portraying him laboring lovingly over what appears to be a Les Paul Custom.  I asked the vendor whether Michael got a royalty for the use of his image and was pleased to hear that he does.

Ticket Guys Generally.  Passed by Gordon, Norm, and Craig out on the floor.  Norm and Gordon had destinations they were hurrying (in Norm's case, slowly) toward, but Craig was taking a stroll and chatting with attendees.  I considered introducing myself, but decided against it.  Everything for the bit, right?  Well, being The Plainsman is my bit, lame thought it may be.

A Confessor on the last thread wrote:  "It was an incredible night, I left the rest of the guys alone [Confessor had chatted with Grubes, Donovan, and Sean Bass]  but to anyone that says they are too big for the P1’s, they are just wrong. All of them walked around, shook hands, took pictures and spent time with their fans, it was a pleasure to watch. I really walked away thinking “we can do what they can do, but they can’t do what we can do.” And looking at my twitter tweet P1 time line, there were a lot of folks who had just as much fun. "  Second that with enthusiasm and could not have put it better.

Un.     While I did not beat down any Ticket guys, I did see some guys wearing UnTicket t-shirts at a booth advertising a way of recording streamed radio, and I asked if they were with that incomparable site.  Turns out they all were, and I was honored to meet DP and two of his invaluable henchmen (sorry, gents, I have forgotten your UT monikers) in assembling Ticket audio.  Great guys.  ap, alas, is stuck in The Great White North.

It's a pleasure to call your attention to their new venture, THINKIT MEDIA.  The are marketing their proprietary system under the uSave.it brand for recording streamed radio. (DP reports that they have some P1s using their system to record their favorite station.)   They also offer other services to businesses such as blog development ("ThinkIt Social) and increasing their profile in the online world.  I may give him a call.  You can read more about it here:  ThinkIt Media  I'm linking it to it on my "Ticket-Friendly Sites" if you ever need to find them.

I neglected to ask DP if he minded if I used his real name (obviously, I was star-struck by the three of them), so I'll keep that valuable information to myself.  However, he and his colleagues were kind enough to let me take their picture at their booth (DP is on the right):

And to top it off, I was deeply honored that they scrounged one of those snazzy UnTicket t-shirts for me.

Ticket Chicks.  Seems to me there were fewer Ticket Chicks abroad, and I did not see a photo area where us mere mortal P1 schlubs could get their picture taken with these lovelies, although I have no doubt that any of them wandering about would have accommodated a request for a quick snap.

T.   As last year, the testosterone clinics were there in force and doing a brisk business.   Apparently I appear to be down a couple of quarts, as I was approached a couple of times by young ladies who worriedly pressed brochures into my infirm grip.

Michael.  The Ticket acknowledged MJ's half-century with a statue.  

However, I couldn't help noticing that he was going to have trouble with this particular dunk, as the anchor for his Airness appeared to have had him stepping in a nasty wad of gum:

I Discover the Theme of Ticketstock.   Last year, I was puzzled by the Mardi Gras theme since it had not been advertised.  This year, it was a collegiate theme, which I realized when I purchased one of the long-sleeved shirts and observed that it had a large "U" in the background.

But with my keen reportorial instincts (which failed me when I didn't get the UnTicket guys' screennames), I ferreted out the true theme.  It was:

"Slanty Boards with a Hole in the Top End Into Which Attendees Were Invited to Attempt to Drain Square Bean Bags Slightly Larger Than the Hole."

(1) The Dallas Stars had the most elaborate set up -- this picture only portrays only two of the four slanty boards:

(2)  Top Golf:

(3)  FIOS:

(4)  Ticket #1:

(5)  Ticket #2/Budweiser, charmingly presented by two fetching Ticket Chicks:

(6)   Hooters had a more inviting variation on the slanty board/hole trope:

And I thought I had snaps of a couple more, but they do not seem to have survived.

Closing Thoughts.  All the Ticket events, but especially Ticketstock, remind us of what an extraordinary phenomenon The Ticket is.  Of course we're unhealthily, sometimes absurdly, obsessed with who's hosting, who's got next, the JV, the shows themselves, what goes on behind the scenes.  As I looked around the place with men and women having a great time, the Ticket guys enjoying themselves, the same phrase kept playing:  This is a club.  A private club that anyone can join just by tuning in.  And think how astonishing it is that it has been maintained for 20 years, and what kind of effort must be going into trying to figure out how to keep it going another 20.  I don't envy them that task.

I hope we're helping.

A big thanks to The Ticket, the CTO, the sponsors, and, of course, Grubes.  Michael, don't spend all my royalty contribution in one place.

*     *     *

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

QUICK HITS: Heading to Ticketstock

A few topics as I load up the Conestoga and hang the "IRVING OR BUST" banner on it:

(1)  For your convenience, a couple of great links from Confessors on the last comment thread:

       An interview with Cumulus ultimate CTO Lew Dickey:   Lew Dickey Interview   I haven't listened to this yet but I'm going to and will have some further thoughts.

       Real nice article about some of our favorite JV (they're all our favorite!), with pics!:  JV Article

See below.

(2)  I don't have a problem with Scot and Matt lifting bits from The Ticket.  Show biz has always been about stealing bits.  So has business.  So has how we dress, the phrases we use, and everything else.  I am doubtful that the CTO has imposed a "do stuff like The Ticket" regime on our lads, but if they had it would hardly be an irrational strategy.  I do hope they find some creative variations -- "Community Tidbits" as a title is a little, um, weak.  (Maybe in Alabam you'd be better off with "Community Tide-Bits.")

As for Mike R's attitude:   The Confessor may be right that Mike is contemptuous of people who appropriate his mannerisms or lift bits from The 'Line or The Ticket.  I don't know.  And in general it is not a good thing to upset Mike.  But is it not very clear that he has very little influence at The Ticket these days?  He may be able to do what he wants, and thank Jah for that, but I doubt whether the CTO takes his disposition into account when making decisions on programming, personnel, scheduling -- anything.  I'm thinking Rich Phillips has more influence at The Ticket than Mike does.  You may think that is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's the thing.

(3)  Speaking of which:  On The Hardline yesterday reference was made to The Machine, Kevin Turner, and other JV, and Corby jubilated that this was the best possible time to be at The Ticket, or words to that effect (the context was one of general approval of these guys).  Mike replied that "things have never been worse around here" and "this is the worst it's ever been" (or WTTE), which I took as more of an overall Ticket comment and not necessarily directed at the JV (although he took a direct shot at KT).  What was interesting about this is that he repeated these phrases in one form or another at least a half-dozen times or so, but Corby and Danny seemed always to be talking over him.  He continued to repeat the phrase(s) as though he were hopeful of stimulating some reaction to his growling judgment that things were bad at The Little One.  But either because they weren't paying attention, or didn't want to get into it on the air, Corby and Danny did not respond in any way to Mike's repeated condemnation of the way things are "around here."  Anyone hear that and have an impression?

(4)  I really liked the article on the JV guys, but it depressed me a little since it contained more information on these fine chaps than you would get out of reading a year of this site.  I know, this is a commentary site and not a newsy site, different goals, reaction rather than reporting, but still made me feel pretty unnecessary.  So I'm going to go off and sulk for a bit.

See you at Ticketstock.

Someone Out There Knows the Deal with Mitchell Karasik

For all of you who are tempted to slag me for writing a big fat post about a would-be Tickerman, spare me.  Spare us all.  It's Tickety.  It makes me wonder how things happen at The Little One.  I'm going to write about it.  You gripe about the selection of subject matter, I'm taking your ass down.

===============

First, Mitchell, if you're out there, permit me to apologize for spelling your name incorrectly for quite some time now.

Second, a Confessor reports hearing on a BaDD podcast that Mitchell is transported from New York to Dallas to do his Tickers a half-day on weekends.

Third, this site has had some fun with the challenges that Tickers have presented to Mitchell.  I didn't really feel good about that teasing, because I supposed that Mitchell was a radio tyro, some kid trying to make it, kid somehow got a tryout from The Ticket in the face of what I supposed were better audition clips with which, I also supposed, the Pan-American Catman had been deluged.  So while he was clearly struggling with  .  .  .  copy  .  .  .  which I supposed he had composed  .  .  . and seemed initially unaware that what he was delivering was a "Ticker," I was kinda rooting for improvement so the lad could get his start in a cool profession.  Alas, as the Indispensable Brad C has memorialized, things have not gotten much better as of a week ago:

Mitchell Karasik Classic Ticker on February 2, 2013

He has been savaged by The Hardline; but then, who hasn't?  Bono, possibly, aside.  Confessors have been similarly skeptical of his abilities.

Fourth, however, I was quite, quite wrong about where Mitchell came from.

This is Mitchell Karasik delivering his 2010 MLB preview:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wfnkbm46hZA

Surprised?

Mitchell Karasik has not only been around for awhile, he has run what is apparently his own production of something called, variously, "LockerBlogger" and ":60".   Always dressed smartly in a coat and tie, he has scored some pretty big interviews.  Here's his Miles Austin interview at some kind of function from a couple of years ago when Miles was doing good:

Here is his interview with Orthodox Jewish Boxer Dmitri Salita, Part 1 (I have not been able to find Part 2):

Thus:   Fifth, the PAC was almost certainly not pulling a resume out of a stack when he invited Mitchell to do some DFW Tickers -- he was enlisting a somewhat experienced talker, a guy with some credible sportsy media experience, even if it was his own medium.  Unless, of course, the PAC had nothing to do with this and it was imposed upon him by some CTO.  Although I have not been able to find any Internet evidence of any affiliation between Mitchell and Cumulus or CBS (with the exception of the somewhat tenuous speculation which I shamelessly offer way, way down at the bottom here).  No, his affiliation appears to be solely with his own company LockerBlogger, described on his beta site (www.lockerblogger.com) as follows:  "LockerBlogger is a Sports Social Media Company that Connects Athletes, Charities, Fans and Brands through Education and Philanthropy."  (But where did he score that bank of screens and ritzy studio-looking background?)

At first I thought BaDD must have been pulling our leg about MK flying in to do these Tickers.  But when I heard Brad C's recording from only a week ago (above), I realized that it must be true.

Sixth, what Someone Out There knows, is:

Why?

Here's a little extra tidbit to interest you:  A Mitchell S. Karasik was married in Collin County in 2008.  His parents live in the NYC metro.  (Scroll down here to view record)   No idea if it's the same one, but the Internet nuggets are suggestive.   So maybe MK is looking for a way to spend more time in the metro for family reasons.

But let's return for a moment to his qualifications.  Hey, I  admire the guy for living the dream.   He's got this sports-philanthropy-social-media thing going, and whatever that is, it does get him face time with jocks.  (I didn't join the site, but I've seen other things leading me to believe that this "LockerBlogger" is affiliated with MK's videos   of the same name.)   How did he do that?  ALERT:  CRASS SPECULATION FOLLOWS:    I'm wondering if Mitchell might have some independent wealth in his background.   The father of the Mitchell Karasik married in Collin County in 2008 -- which, I stress, I cannot definitively link up with OUR Mitchell Karasik, but there don't seem to be a lot of them in the U.S. -- is Stephen Karasik.   Stephen is an independent investment banker the New York City area.  Perhaps he invested in our Mitchell.  WARNING:  SPECULATION GETS EVEN CRASSER BELOW.

In any event, he's got a long way to go to join the accomplished Tickerman fraternity -- all right, a long way measured in astronomical units, if not parsecs -- but he's not a complete schnook, you know?  Those interviews are at least enthusiastic, and the fact is  .  .  .  he gets them.  Maybe this kind of initiative appealed to the CTO somewhere along the line.  So let's be fair -- they're trying.  They're trying to get some guys with maybe some gee-whiz potential to affiliate with the station.

But I suspect Mitchell's path to Saturday mornings on KTCK is a lot more interesting than that.  Someone's either going to pretend to know in the Confessions to this post and we'll all have to wonder if we're getting pranked, or someone is going to lay a tip on me that I will be duty bound to keep confidential.  (It happens, rarely.)   How did he come to do Tickers for a station he doesn't know, reporting on teams he's not familiar with, where he is required to speak the names of athletes he doesn't know how to pronounce?  More intriguingly, why is he still doing it?

Well, my curious Confessors, here's another little tidbit for you:  There is a Steve Karasik who is a multi-Emmy-winning Senior Coordinating Producer for  -- dramatic pause -- CBS Sports.  Looks like he is about Mitchell's age.  His father is not Stephen Karasik, according to wedding announcements -- it's Robert Karasik from  .  .  .  Manhattan.  I'm way, way off the reservation here, but I wonder if perhaps Robert and Stephen are brothers, and Mitchell and CBS Steve are cousins.

While this is, I must Confess, not Responsible Ticket Journalism, the possible connection of Mitchell to CBS Steve, and Mitchell's possible family connection to the DFW area, may go some way to explain why the guy is getting airtime on the greatness of The Ticket.  Maybe that's also how he scores those snazzy production values for those studio interviews.

CBS -- again.

Inquiring Confessors want to know.

But you know something?  Whether I'm on track with any of the foregoing, or galaxies off -- I wish Mitchell Karasik well, I really do.  Even as a Tickerman -- maybe he'll study up and we'll get used to the somewhat exotic cadences he brings to his readings.  After all, one of the qualities The Ticket brings to sports-talk radio is its willingness to showcase unconventional broadcast voices.  So let's give the guy a chance.  (To help expiate my guilt over teasing him at the outset, and in admiration of the initiative he's shown in his non-Ticker ventures.)

Let the Mitchell Karasik Watch continue.

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

OPEN THREAD: Various

Let's face it, every thread here is an open thread.  I'll be away for a few days.  In the manner of Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton, here are some topics on the table to get you started:

(1) Sunday AM.  Following up on the last comment thread, what would you like to see on Sunday morning, or elsewhere on the weekends?

(2) Bass to MaSS?  I have been startled by a couple of anti-Sean Bass confessions in the comments to the previous post, complaining of know-it-all-ism and breathing patterns.  I have to disagree.  When I tune in and hear a Sean-based program, whether with Ty or Newbury, I'm in.  Always like those shows.  Would have no problem with a Sunday morning show featuring him, Ty, or David.  (Or other guys, either, but they seem to team up with more regularity.)

(3) Matt M.  Also started by the vitriol directed at the departing Matt McClearin.  Yes, Matt has "boundary" issues, although I would classify them more as "governor" or "editor" issues, and I understand the sentiment that one makes one own bed in radio, as one does in whatever freely-chosen profession in which one is engaged (not to mention the personal choices that require, um, cash money).  But they by no means dominate his performance, and on balance I think it's undeniable that Scot and Matt have earned the shot they're getting and that Matt is an equal partner in their success.  I didn't take down random P1's post, because, bitter though it seemed (and the "whore"comment did almost get it booted), it at least had some thinking behind it.

(4) Ax.  And I am hoping, really really hoping, that übercritical posts like those relating to Sean and Matt, are not folks with, shall we say, an ax to grind about these guys.  If you know what I mean.  I am extremely reluctant to question the motives of people who take the time to write comments, but when those comments tend toward the angry and personal (and oddly detailed), I am moved at least to wonder.  If I thought this site were being used to advance anyone's personal agenda to the detriment of both this site and The Ticket, it would be vamanos in zero time.  Maybe I need to get the machete out more often. 

There's a topic:  I don't moderate comments (do not have the time and want comments to reflect breaking items), but should I be more aggressive about weeding out posts that have a legitimate take but are gratuitously mean or nasty?

(5) IJB.  I really regret I do not have time to listen to podcasts.  I barely have time to knock this thing out.  But a lot of P1's really like what Jake and T.C. are slinging, and I wouldn't be offended if the CTO gave them at least a tryout on Sunday mornings.

(6) New Orleans.  What did we all think about Super Bowl Week in New Orleans? Here:  mixed.

Outta time.  Keep it cool, Confessors, with my thanks.

 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com





BREAKING: Your MaSS Is Grass

This site does not like to convey Total Bummers of the Universe, but sometimes the job requires it:

I have learned from a Source Never Previously Known to Be Reliable Or Even Known as a Source or Even Known to Me But Which I Have, Perhaps Foolishly, Chosen to Believe, that Scot Harrison and Matt McClearin, better known to us as Sunday MaSS, have taken a job with a Cumulus affiliate in Birmingham, Alabama, where they will hold down the weekday 10-2 spot.  That spooky Anonymous who posted earlier in the day seems not to have been a troll (at least not today) but to have been clued in.

This Sunday will be their final service.

I regret this a lot, as both men are quite talented in different ways that, oddly, worked.  This site has generally supported MaSS (and even enjoyed listening to it).   Your Plainsman at one time touted Scot Harrison as a possible Mike Rhyner replacement.

Scot and Matt, will you do us the honor of checking in to confirm or deny?

And, whatever the circumstances, very best fortune to you both, and we hope you find your way back here frequently, and even permanently, when circumstances warrant.

The Time Has Come to Reveal My Far-Fetched but Deeply-Held Belief on Solving the Problem of Perpetual Cowboys Mediocrity; or, The Brontosaurus Theory

Confessors, with a title like that, I deem that you have been given fair warning that this is one of those blessedly rare Plainsman sportsy posts, wherein I demonstrate rather small knowledge about sports.  I suppose that's what comes of listening to The Ticket.

But, in honor of the entrepreneurial spirit embodied in Danny Balis (there's your Ticket connection for this post), let me ask you to put aside preconceived notions and use your imagination.  You can probably come up with some variations of what follows that may make more sense.

The conventional wisdom – and this view is held not only by me and many of you, but by an acquaintance of mine who might in fact be the No. 1 Cowboys fan in DFW, I kid you not – is that the Cowboys will not return to greatness as long as they are owned by Jerry Jones.  That the Cowboys will, in fact, get worse as his ego continues to eat away at judgment with the passing years.  Because Jerry Jones will not give up control as he struggles to cast off the shadow Jimmy and win a title for which he can claim principal credit.  And because Jerry Jones will not sell the Cowboys, their averageness-or-worse will soil that beastly stadium out there for years to come.

I grant that this is a very likely scenario.  But it is not the only possible scenario.  Let me toss out a few concepts.

Jerry Is a Very, Very Bad General Manager and Owner.  I won't spend much time on this, we all know it.  His latest machinations, castrating Jason Garrett, loading up the coaching staff with people he selects, is a recipe for failure.  It is widely accepted that 2013 is make-or-break for Garrett – but what earthly sense does it make to (1) reduce his responsibility for the offense and (2) stick him with personnel not of his choosing and then to increase his accountability?  I happen to think Garrett bears a large share of the blame for fielding offenses that apparently don't know the plays after two-plus years and that can't get them called before a half-second remains on the play clock.  Maybe Jerry has selected players of incorrigible stupidity, but more likely is that they're not prepared, or the plays require calls that are not appropriate for the hurly-burly of the gridiron, or Tony doesn't transmit the playcalls efficiently.  But if that's the way you as GM feel about the guy, fire him, don't play games for another season that do nothing more than establish the head coach's lack of authority and your own poor judgment, begging yet the further question:  What accomplished, self-respecting coach would play for the  meddlesome savant-wannabe caricature that is Jerry Jones? 

And he's a bad owner because he refuses to hire experienced professional football management, or listen to the people in his organization who fit that description.

Since we all pretty much believe that Jerry is incompetent, why do I even bother to mention it?  Because:

Jerry Jones Is So Incompetent, That in the Process of Manufacturing Year After Year of Mediocrity and Worse, Jerry Jones Is Also Managing to Embarrass Texas in General, and, in Particular, the Wealthy of Texas.   Jones is pathologically incapable of keeping his piehole zipped.  And in its unzipped state, it emits torrents of disconnected phrases, 180-degree contradictions within a single breath, and downright nonsense.  It would be tolerable and possibly even charming if he'd shown a molecule of talent for running a football team, but since he hasn't, he looks like the kind of Texan, especially the kind of rich Texan, that non-Texans like to sneer at – ignorant, arrogant, incoherent. (Although he was born in Los Angeles and raised in Arkansas.)  The kind who thinks it's classy to hang the world's biggest video screen in his stadium, so big it renders the live contest irrelevant, and to feature caged go-go dancers.  You can't tell me that his pals in whatever the Rich Guy Club is in these parts (um, I don't belong) don't cringe when they see his latest high-wire act before any nearby open mic and hear everyone, even media types who might be expected to curry his favor, shaking their heads in disbelief that this well-meaning but thoroughly deluded soul is helming the destruction of the most valuable sports franchise in the country. 

There Are Lots of Really, Really Rich People in Texas.  And when you put a few of them together, a billion here, a billion there, pretty soon you're talking about real money.  And maybe they'd rather people think of them more like J.R. Ewing, and not J.W. Jones.

Everything Has Its Price.

Including Jerry.

Ah, but you say, Jerry does not have his price.  His pride would never let him sell the team while it's down, before it does something really terrific, at least get to a Super Bowl if not win it.

I agree that Jerry will never accept market value for the team, however that may be measured (although every year there are organizations purporting to do it, including one that reported today).  

So the first step is for a bunch of these rich guys who have had enough losing and ridicule to get together and offer Jerry crazy money.  I don't know how crazy it would have to be to let Jerry claim that as his ultimate victory.  Maybe he wouldn't take it.  Maybe the crazy money would have to be so crazy that not even a consortium of the extremely wealthy would consider offering it.  I would, however, ask you to remember the difference between the price Nolan Ryan's group agreed to pay for the Rangers at the outset, and what they eventually paid after Mark Cuban got the bidding way up there.

Then what?

Creativity.

Find some way to let Jerry save face.  Make him Chairman Emeritus.  Name the stadium after him and pay him for the right to use his name.  A permanent suite at the stadium.  (With parking!)  Perhaps work something where he keeps the stadium or some piece of it.  There are all kinds of ways to compensate selling business owners.   Insist that they pay him personally millions not to take his incomparable football management skills to any other NFL team.   Give him a consulting deal and actually have meetings and let him have his say.

OK, let's say that none of this moves the old razorback.  

There's always:

Leverage.

How do you get leverage over an ego?

Include Stephen and Jerry Jr. in the Consortium.  Is Stephen Jones the Prince Charles of DFW or what?  Waiting for His Majesty to abdicate or die.  Perhaps it would be meaningful to Jerry (in addition to the crazy money, let's not forget) to know that his beloved offspring would have some kind of management and ownership role, and that he'd still have his son's ear on matters Cowboys, even if he would have no authority.  I can imagine that the boys (!) would have some reluctance to show up with a group offering to buy the team – I'm sure they love and feel loyalty toward their Pop and might fear a family falling-out if appearing to want to oust him.  Still, there may be creative ways to involve them in a subtle and diplomatic approach that would not offend Jerry.

The Brontosaurus Theory.  But here's my gee-whiz solution, and I'm sure that there are NFL-savvy readers out there who will tell me that this could never, ever happen in a squillion years. 

But, like Anne Elk (John Cleese) who offers her theory on the brontosaurus on Episode 31 of Monty Python's Flying Circus, this is my theory, and it is mine, and belongs to me, and what it is, too.  The next thing you will read is my theory:

This rich-guy consortium goes to Jerry – again, with their crazy money, maybe really crazy in light of this (my) theory and the thinking they want to inspire in Jerry, and they say this: 

Jerry, we have crazy money for you.  You know as sure as you're sitting there that this is easily a 30% premium over the highest valuation that any so-called expert places on this team.  You take that and walk away and you can hold your head high, laughing at your critics, knowing that win or lose, you, by the sheer force of your personality and will and balls in getting that stadium built, and, yes, winning three Super Bowls, created immense, incredible value, made this the second most valuable franchise in the world, second only to Manchester United.  Incredible accomplishment, Jerry.

You take this crazy money, Jerry.  You take it.  We'll put your name on that stadium.  Take a look at this term sheet, there's a bunch of other goodies in there, and looky here, Jerry, we're going to give Stephen and Jerry Jr. the opportunity to invest at a very high level and give them significant management responsibility.  You can be Chairman Emeritus.  

Take this crazy money, Jerry, and all the rest, because if you don't take this crazy money, we're going to keep an appointment that we made some months ago with Roger Goodell to discuss with him our strong commitment to putting an NFL team in Fort Worth, Texas.  As you can see, it will be hugely well-financed, with a stadium – oh, Jerry, it will not be a stadium like yours – it will be a big stadium, for sure, but it will be one that people will love, a real Texas stadium, like Fort Worth is a real Texas city, like people love the Ballpark at Arlington.  It'll be right near downtown -- those city fathers know how to work with businessmen.   Maybe we'll swipe Jacksonville or some other lame franchise – maybe we'll argue for expansion.  And Roger Goodell will listen, because Texas is a football state, and DFW is a gigantic market with lots and lots of people who have given up their Cowboy season tickets and lost all faith in you, and because major and lesser markets have fielded two NFL teams at once:  New York, Bay Area.  Crazy money, Jer.  You think your fellow owners would never allow it?  Think again.  Crazy.   And when we get that franchise -- don't you doubt us, Jerry, you know who we are -- we are going to treat our fans like royalty and we're going to get the best football people in the country and we're going to have a fracking party every week over in crazy Fort Worth over this team we're going to put together, Jerry.  Ground floor fans who don't give a bag of dirt about what your franchise did 20 years ago.  And we'll grab your fans, we'll grab your concession dollars, we'll grab your capital appreciation, we'll grab all of it and we will keep grabbing because that is how we got this crazy money in the first place.  It won't be hard . Crazy money, Jerry.  We got it.  We can get more.  

Because we're winners.  

Sign here. 

*     *     *

A bit melodramatic, perhaps.  And with a number of strategic difficulties. But God, that was fun.

Here's my point – we shouldn't assume that no circumstances exist under which Jerry would consider selling the team.  You won't know until you try.  Until you try, and let it leak that you're trying.  And I'm serious about a Fort Worth team.

So here's the plan, Confessors.  Send the link to this post to all of your billionaire friends.  Let's see, do I know any billionaires, let me think  .  .  . 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Jumping the Gun by a Few Hours to Wish The Greatest Radio Station in the World a Happy 19th

Binky and Sheba Wish The Pan-American Catman and All The Ticket Guys and Gals a
Happy 19th Birthday

And, lest we forget, the Magnificent 7 still on board (not sure whether Cactus still has some kind of affiliation):

Mike "The Creator" Rhyner

Craig "Junior" Miller

George "Formerly Sometimes Called 'The Commander'" Dunham

Gordon "Gordon" Keith

Mike "Fernando" Fernandez

Steve "Cactus" Pryor

     and

Rick "The Immortal" Arnett

The Hardline Blues

I had something else planned for this entry, but there seems to be a hot topic emerging among Confessors.

First, a brief report on a conversation I had last night.  Present at this moment were two adult woman and a man.  They know I do this site.  One of the women said that she hated The Hardline because it was "coarse."  Sports/guy radio is not going to be her first choice under any circumstances, but that was not the case with the other adult male, squarely in the Ticket demo wheelhouse.  He mentioned that he'd been liking Norm's show lately.  He also said that he had tried to listen to "the afternoon show."  He tried to explain who he was listening to, without success, and I just asked him if it were afternoon or afternoon drive.  Drive, he said.  He said when he tried to listen there was almost no sports talk, but sometimes they tried to do political talk and it was so ignorant that he had to switch it off.

Second, I can hardly remember the last time a Confessor said anything positive about The Hardline.  To judge from recent comments, some Confessors say they are drifting away and will drop it entirely if Danny leaves.  Personally, I don't feel that way.  I still enjoy the show.  I like Corby.  I don't mind Mike not having all that much on his mind.   I could do without the political stuff myself -- the only thing worse than Musers talking politics is The Line talking politics -- but in general, my forays into Galloway and RaGE territory are always brief.  Which is another way of saying, I guess, that The Line's competition is weak.  But even so, it would take a pretty extraordinary presentation by another station to get me to switch.

Having said that, I do think The Hardline may be entering one of its dark periods.  It is true, as Confessors say, that Mike is drifting into one of his disconnected phases, show prep is not apparent, the OverCorby is appearing more frequently.  I will keep an eye on this trend and report, although I suspect you will all do so before I do.

Believe it or not, this is the only picture I could find on the Internet of
Danny, Corby, and Mike together. I'm sure there are others,
they just didn't come up in any searches.   What makes it of particular interest
is that I took it.  Junior Miller's distinguished beak is entering the frame
stage right.

Third:

Danny.

The end of the comment string from the prior post reported on Robert Wilonsky's report that Danny and others have invested in the revival, if that's what it is, of the Twilight Lounge in Deep Ellum.   (Link to Robert's Report)  His specific use permit hearing is before the Dallas Plan Commission this week sometime.  Confessors report there was no mention of it made on the show today, as predicted on this very blog.  I would not expect to hear anything about it until Danny's departure was certain, which I continue to predict with something approaching zero conviction, and even then not until shortly before.  There are lots of hoops to jump through before something as iffy as a Deep Ellum revival commits to open its doors, and the last thing The Line would want would be a lengthy lame duck period for arguably the most popular guy on the show.

And the point I offer for discussion is what that departure would mean for the show.  I've always felt that Danny keeps the OverCorby under control and keeps the show moving.  He's also very smart, very funny, very witty (not the same thing), and just an all around good listen.   When either Mike or Corby is absent, the resulting show with Danny always gets good reviews.  When Danny is away, the reviews are not so good.  Would his departure send tremors through the CTO as they hand-wring over whether to replace him, and, if they do, with whom? 

Fourth:  Despite the evidence of the Confessor, the show is enjoying historical levels of popularity.  Something about the show continues to resonate with the demographic, and isn't that the idea?

So consider this an Open Thread for some truly thoughtful 30,000-foot thoughts on The Hardline.  Remember -- this site was founded in part as a reaction to what I call "The Corby Sux School of Ticket Journalism."    If you're abandoning the show, that's fine and you are invited to tell us why, but I'm really more interested in why you think the show is still a smash hit in the metro.

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Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

OPEN THREAD: No, Really, I'm Serious

I'm out of town, Confessors, and in meetings all day and evening.  So no new material the rest of this week.  You are all very careful custodians of the integrity of this site, so I am certain that in my absence you will post comments of interest in its spirit.

Hear something interesting on the channel?  Book it.

Care to weigh in on the "big changes at The Fan by May" versus "nah, maybe a few little ones" controversy?

Your views on the decline, if any, of The Hardline?

Ferrall?

Or, maybe you'd just like to continue the sizzling Pundendous, Vaginormous, Honeybaked Ham Billboard commentary from the prior post:

Post on Disturbing Honeybaked Ham Billboard Viewed in Passing Each Morning as I'm Listening to the Musers:

 

 

I hope to be back with more in a week.  If I have time before bedtime to weigh in, I'll do it.  Thanks in advance to all hearty Confessors.

 

The Connection of This Post to The Ticket is that I Am Listening to The Ticket Every Time I Drive Past This

This sign is on I-45 but it is identical to the Honeybaked billboard a  little south of the Galleria on the southbound Tollway.

Who's designing Honeybaked's ad campaigns these days?  Georgia O'Keefe?

Only My Ticket Confession Has the Courage to Ask If The Ticket's Endorsements Threaten the End of the World

A lot of you don't like these kind of posts, so apologies in advance.

*     *     *

Oh, my quaking Confessors, I had a horrifying thought this evening.

It makes me wonder if The Ticket has taken a position which, under certain circumstances, might mean the end of reality as we know it.

It is indeed a world-threatening possibility.

But before I get to that, I would like to join Mike Rhyner in wishing Donald Fagen a happy milestone birthday, his 65th.  A true musical genius, including, I would argue, a performing genius.  I recorded one of his tunes awhile back, very cool arrangement with a trio plus a Hammond B3.  My performance would not make you forget his, but it was an honor to sing it nevertheless.

Love this man's stuff.

All right, back to the end of civilization.

As you know, all the Ticket hosts, without exception have (no doubt independently) concluded that All-Pro Foundation Repair is the foundation repair to select.  I wonder how many of you are also aware that even Jody Dean endorses All-Pro Foundation Repair.

This is not Jody Dean.  It is Tara Harper,
to whom Jody Dean  reportedly pitched woo
on something called Most Eligible Dallas.  But she is
more fun to look at a picture of than is Jody Dean.

Its preferred method of foundation repair has an extremely unusual property.   This property is not described on its website -- indeed, I can find no Internet references to it at all.  However, this method -- the solid helical pier -- is described on All-Pro's website as follows:  "This pier has an almost infinite drilling depth and weight bearing capacity."  Got that?  Almost infinite.

But The Ticket doesn't even make a claim that extreme.  The hosts (through, I recall, Mike Rhyner) expressly state that the pier can support more than twice the weight of the house.  "That's why we say," Mike says, "that it is mathematically impossible to fail."

Whoa.  Mathematically impossible to fail.

But consider:

What if one of them failed?

Hypothetical illustration.

Well, you snicker, that's ridiculous -- it's a mathematical impossibility.

Oh yeah?  Well then, why does All-Pro Foundation Repair give a lifetime guarantee?  

First of all, what the hell is a lifetime guarantee?  The buyer's?  What if he sells the house?  Does the guarantee go until the seller dies?  Or is it the lifetime of the house?  How is that measured?  I suppose one measure would be its collapse with the catastrophic failure of the helical piers.  

But let's put that conundrum aside, and consider the meaning of a guarantee.  It provides buyers with a remedy in the event of the failure of the product.  Ah, you say, All-Pro might as well issue a lifetime guarantee if its pier is mathematically impossible to fail, since it would never, ever have a claim.  But surely it would be an even better sales ploy to say -- our piers, being mathematically impossible to fail, don't even require a lifetime guarantee, because one would be completely unnecessary.  Issuing a lifetime guarantee where the event being guaranteed against is considered, or represented to be, impossible, would be like the Vatican issuing a money-back lifetime warranty of Jesus's love.

Nope -- a guarantee concedes the possibility of claims against it -- the possibility of failure.

Nevertheless, whatever you think a lifetime guarantee means, the question still remains:

What if this pier, which, after all, is just a piece of solid galvanized metal, and not a magical substance  .  .  .  failed.  Did not support properly.  Within your lifetime, you found cracks in your foundation.

So then we would have something that is mathematically impossible to fail .  .  .  failing.

Which would mean that mathematics -- the way we describe the physical world, the basis for all technology, the discipline without which we would have nothing -- indeed, according to some schools of thought that claim that mathematics is an inherent property of the universe, a set of truths that are "discovered" rather than "invented" -- without which there would be nothing -- is false.

Suggesting, if one accepts this latter view of math, that the failure of an All-Pro Helical Pier would mean the end of the universe.

So, if any of you know of a house employing an All-Pro Helical Pier with foundation problems -- keep it to yourself. 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Craig Tried His Absolute Very Hardest to Portray Dennis Rodman's Ticketstock Appearance as a Major Station Announcement

He must have been studying George's and Gordon's outrageously (but entertainingly) insincere Raising Cane's endorsements.

I'm sure it isn't easy to find big-name active or recent stars to come to Ticketstock within budget. So I have some sympathy with The Little One in its attempts to fire up interest in the thing with notable sportsy figures wherever they can find one willing to appear.

Dennis Rodman, though:   Off the court, he has to be the least-interesting sports celebrity who attempts to interest the public in his being a sports celebrity. For all of his eccentricities -- which, to me, have always seemed entirely ginned-up, and I lived in Chicago during the glory years -- when he's asked to respond orally to anything, his thoroughgoing banality pours into the mic.  Lawrence Taylor's legal troubles aside, even in retirement he was never the dictionary picture of "washed up."

Rodman? Here's a report from March of last year:

"The former NBA badboy owes $808,935 in back child support for the two children — ages nine and 10 — he had with his third wife, Michelle Rodman. He reportedly owes an additional $51,441 in spousal support.

"But Rodman's attorney said in court documents that the Basketball Hall of Famer can barely afford his own living expenses, let alone support payments.

"'Respondent Dennis Rodman is broke and cannot afford any additional fees,' Rodman's attorney Linnea Willis wrote.

"Willis claimed Rodman was 'extremely sick' and that his marketability was diminishing with age and illness, making it impossible for the five-time NBA champion to pay the $5,000 he owes monthly for one child from another relationship, in addition to the $4,500 he owes Michelle Rodman every month.

"Willis added the attorneys representing Rodman have been working pro bono."

For the record, Rodman thereafter denied that he is either broke or sick -- the "sickness," by the way, being alcoholism.   However, in late May he was convicted of contempt of court for failure to obey child-support orders, and sentenced to probation and community service.  No word on whether he pays his lawyers or has come up with any of the child support. Perhaps The Ticket can explore this with him on one of itsTicketstock panels.



Wearing a wedding dress, claiming to be marrying oneself,
even when accompanied by a meretricious relationship with
Carmen Electra topped off by a nine-day marriage to same
(acutely intoxicated Las Vegas nuptials followed by an anullment filing),
does not make one an intrinsically interesting human

So, much as I credit The Ticket for staging something like Ticketstock, which really is a cool thing for the P1 and always a well-planned and enjoyable event, the Rodman thing has about it the strong fragrance of desperation -- certainly for Rodman, and, since it can't seem to engage any non-desperate sportsy celebrity, The Ticket as well.

Maybe the showcasing of washed-up, troubled, convicted former athletes at Ticketstock should be a featured annual bit.

I would think The Fan might have some fun with this.

Hell, they should have asked me to appear. 

* * *

 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Monday Morning Quick Hits

(1)  Who would have thought that Matt McClearin was a capologist?  His MaSS segment on the financial aspects of attempting to improve the Cowboys was one of the best (and more depressing) analyses of the future of the team that I have heard and a powerful (if implicit) condemnation of the Jones/Jones regime.  Well thought-out and crisply delivered.  Very, very nice work by Matt.

(2) Bruce LeVine is struggling.   His weekend Tickers are sometimes painful to listen to, so halting and almost confused-sounding.  I swear, I heard him refer to "Ticker" as "Ticket."  Is he reading some old Mitchell Kerasik copy?  And in general he seems to be having a difficult time with his script, which I assume he composes himself. 

(3) I will be listening to Scott Ferrall tonight.  I thought he was appalling when I heard him years ago and my expectations are not high -- I could hardly believe it when I heard he was still "cracking a cold one" at the request of listeners -- but in fairness I need to give him another shot.  At a minimum, I believe this means The Ticket will have to stop running the ad that proudly boasts that the channel doesn't offer coastal guys shouting at us.

(4)  What was the big funny thing on MaSS this Sunday that had the entire staff and crew breaking down?  I heard that, but did not hear the funny.  I believe it was some naughty thing that Matt said, but didn't catch it.  Anyone?  Maybe it will be an E-Brake.

(5)  In strong agreement with Confessors who are having a hard time believing that The Ticket is running ads containing a reference to "sucking less," a gimmick that was roundly ridiculed by readers when The Fan featured the same phrase.

Have at it, lads.

I'm Trying to Picture a Kevlar-Lined Jeep

I've listened with fascination to Rich Phillips's ads for Starwood Motors and its Kevlar Jeeps.  Indeed, he apparently owns one.  It has been awhile since I've heard the ad, but I could have sworn that he said it was Kevlar lined, or used Kevlar lining.  But my recollection may be failing me here, or, more likely, I thought that Kevlar, being akin to a fabric (I thought), was used on the interior of the vehicle.

This was incorrect thinking.

The damned thing is coated with Kevlar.

I refer you to the Starwood Motors page describing the Kevlar Jeep.  This particular one is sold as of the date of this posting, apparently, and indeed, the last time I went to this page, the Kevlar Jeep pictured was red. (If the link doesn't work, just google "Kevlar Jeep Starwood Motors" and you'll find it, unless, of course, you're using Bing.)   Maybe you order one, or they customize one at a time on spec, I dunno.  In any event, I invite you to click on the image and get a bigger picture and take a close look at the sheet metal, or where the sheet metal would ordinarily be visible. 

Indeed, the text says: 

"The entire exterior of the vehicle has been professionally coated with Premium Protective Coating w/Kevlar Fiber (4700 PSI tensile strength, which is over 200% strength of other brands), making it impervious to the elements."  It warns buyers:  "Beware of imitations! Many have tried to copy our unique Jeep conversions, only to produce uneven liner coverage, inconsistent or flawed texture, non-Kevlar liner, sub-standard parts and shoddy workmanship."

Now, I must say:  (1) This vehicle looks pretty cool.  The Chrysler folks are making some nifty vehicles these days, and until recently, I owned a Grand Cherokee SRT8 that was and is the absolutely coolest vehicle on the road for under $50,000 (it was my everyday driver and I traded it when the miles got way up there, and I'm even sorta sorry I traded it then).  (2) The Kevlar doesn't look ridiculous, and the red was also very eye-catching.  (3) I'm something of a Rich fan and if a vehicle nut like Rich vouches for the utility of this customization, I'll have some respect for that.  Hey, it sent me to the site to check it out, and now I'm writing this article about it.

But I have a few questions:

     --  How do you keep this stuff clean?  There was a time when vinyl roofs were all the rage.  Me Dad had an old Cutlass Supreme with one, and it didn't look bad, but it was a bear to clean -- swipe marks were all but impossible to avoid, and since you can't polish Kevlar like you can painted sheet metal (or can you?  I have no idea), I'm wondering how it's kept looking nice.  Maybe you just hose it off.  Can you take it through a car wash?

     --  "Impervious to the elements"?  In what respect are today's cars pervious to elements?  I can't remember the last time I even ever saw a rusty car, and man, I used to live in Chicago where (1) they salted the roads in the winter, and (2) they had winter.

     --  How is collision damage repaired?  Does this stuff rip?  And assuming you can re-coat a repaired fender, does this stuff fade at all?  I wouldn't think you could match existing material that had lost some of its color or that even was a bit nicked.

     --  Will it stop bullets and stuff?  

Let's just say it's easier for me to imagine Rich driving this vehicle than it is to imagine Danny driving any kind of a Volvo.*

====================

LATER:  Rich's Kevlar Jeep:

______________________________

* Really sorry, Danny, I went looking for the name of the dealer you're endorsing but couldn't find it.  I'll come back and fix this next time I hear the ad.  And yeah, the S60 R-Design has some greatness about it, but I just can't get all up in any 5-cylinder engine -- it's like it's missing a chromosome or something.

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

More Predictions, and the Best Christmas Ever to the Confessor Faithful

We got a little off of duckandcover's predictions with the last thread.    I posted the following as comments to the previous post, but a fan of the site has asked me to post it.

Hey, thanks for your continued support of My Ticket Confession.  Tell a friend, it makes a lovely Christmas gift.

Here goes:

(1)   Michael Gruber, Dirk Nowitzki, Brian Cuban, and Weekend Tickerman Mitchell Kerasik will form a consortium and purchase The Ticket from Cumulus for an undisclosed sum and a ham sandwich.  Grubes will assume control over station management and will permanently reassign Jeff Catlin to oversee the constant replenishment of BaD’s and Norm’s stable of interns.

 

(2)  Gordon will permanently lose all of his endorsements when he blurts out that he’s never actually been to Raising Cane’s. 

 

(3)  Sometime in late spring or early summer, an episode of “What’s on Mike’s Mind” will air without Mike uttering a single syllable.

 

(4)  Cumulus will announce that it’s working on improving The Ticket’s signal.

 

(5)  Corby will join the professional marathon circuit.  Will run into trouble with his first urine test when he tests negative for urine.

 

(6)  Richie Whitt will modestly admit that yes, it’s true, he’s dating Megan Fox’s cuter sister.

 

(7)  The Hardline will take a call. 

 

(8)  The International System of Units will announce that the frequency of the sound of Bob Sturm’s voice has been determined to vary so little from high to low that it will replace the caesium-133 radiation cycles as the basis for the atomic clock upon which modern timekeeping is based.  When informed of this, Bob will say:  “Awesome.”

 

(9)  The fragile edifice of host solidarity will begin to crumble when one of them casually mentions that he’s considering non-renewing his endorsement deal with All-Pro Foundation Repair to pursue other interests.  

 

(10)  Craig "Junior" Miller will tragically violate Johnny Carson's "Comedy Rule of One Too Many" when, incorrectly perceiving that his self-nickname "The Joonz" has achieved widespread humor acceptance, he further shortens it to "the Joo" and is hounded off the air by the Anti-Defamation League. 

 

(11)  George Dunham will drop his opposition to fracking when the largest self-contained source of domestic methane is discovered under his vast real estate holdings in East Jeebus or wherever the hell it is he's moved off to, which BP geologists will name "the Jub Outgassing" in his honor. 

 

(12)  Outraged P1's will finally have had enough and will dognap SweetJack and haul him off to Man's Best Friend, where his irrepressibly cheerful bargain-flogging will result in his severe mauling by a pack of previously docile six-toed Norwegian lundehunds.

 

(13)  Craig Rosengarden will kick George DiGianni’s ass.

 

 

 

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