A Couple of Final Thoughts on Mike Bacsik

I had speculated that Mike Bacsik was in trouble at the station even before his exclusion from The Great Game.  I didn't hear all of the hosts yesterday, but it appears that at least as far as his immediate colleagues are concerned, my impression may have been incorrect.  They uniformly sang his praises, said what a good guy he was.  That makes his exclusion from The Great Game puzzling -- hard to believe Junior has the juice to exclude a guy who was, overall, good for TGG last year -- but I'm prepared to believe it.

As Mike Rhyner suggested in yesterday's show, Ticket guys -- all of them -- aren't employed by a local family station where everyone can rally 'round a wounded colleague.  They're employed by Cumulus, a publicly-traded national company.  When an employee commits a horrific public gaffe like Bacsik did, there are two --actually, two-and-a-half -- major considerations:

(1)  Bottom Line.   Cumulus does not have a property in San Antonio, but it has plenty of properties in plenty of places that have plenty of Latino listeners.  And even if Latinos don't make up a significant portion of Cumulus listenership, if the story has legs (as it appears that it does), you can imagine that Latino activists would pressure Latino businesses to boycott Cumulus and yank their advertising.  Not a difficult choice to end this crisis before it starts.

(2)  Legal / Human Resources.  These aren't really two things, but maybe one-and-a-half.  The issue here isn't external, it's internal.  The law these days sometimes doesn't require any particularly awful single event to happen to an emloyee in order to impose liability on the employer.  The employer's tolerance of a hostile racial/sexual/you-name-it "environment" may be introduced into evidence.  So even though Bacsik didn't oppress anyone at Cumulus, if he weren't dealt with severely it could be brought up as evidence in a later discrimination case to show that Cumulus tolerates an atmosphere where racial slurs are no big deal.

So he had to go.

The "dirty Mexicans" remark was stupid enough, but let's not overlook the threat to bomb the NBA, which is equally stupid.  For reasons I don't need to explain.  It doesn't even matter if he "meant" either one of these remarks.  If this is what comes out when he's drunk, frankly, he's probably not what you want around a company whose business consists entirely of interacting with the public.

Sorry to see the man go -- Your Confessor had big plans for him.

This is Professional Radio Broadcast Management?

We all know that The Ticket is this astounding radio powerhouse.  Dominant in the ratings that matter.  Lousy signal, but obviously doing many, many things right.  So why, so often, does it seem like like it's managed like Chrysler?

It amuses us that The Little One is kind of a ramshackle construction, a bunch of guys just having a good time playing radio grabass, feuding, embracing, launching e-brakes in enormous numbers, generally doing the kind of things that a bunch of smart-but-not-smart-to-a-fault-except-Gordon regular guys would do if they were given a radio station to play with.  For the longest time I thought that was just an illusion, that the casualness was really a reflection of a very unique talent for making the difficult (interesting radio broadcasting) seem effortless.

But a couple of things are causing me to rethink this position.  On April 14 I wrote about The Amazing Ty Walker Final Four Screwup, where The Ticket had major boots on the ground in Atlanta and not a single host had the slightest awareness of it.  Rich Phillips claimed the producers knew about it via email, but the producers weren't talking.  So either no one likes Ty Walker, or there was a complete failure of communicaton.

And then, yesterday, Corby and Mike show up for a remote at American Airlines Center, only to find that it had been cancelled.  No engineers, no nothing, just Corby and Mike phoning in their location to Sturm/McDowell/Lewis.  (By the way, Corby handled that exceptionally well -- he was very funny on the phone.)   The only insight we had on this was that Rich Phillips had told the engineers the remote was off because of the late start of the game.  Corby amusingly suggested that perhaps the show hosts should have been let in on this. 

Rich was not on hand to defend himself.  If he had been there and inclined to disclose what had gone on behind the scene, I suspect he would have said (1) yeah, I mentioned it to the engineers but the show hosts don't report to me and it was someone else's job to give them their broadcast assignments, or (2) I did tell the show hosts, via email, but they don't read their emails carefully. 

Now I'm sure it's the case that remotes are somewhat dicey propositions to begin with, complicated to pull off successfully every time, getting everyone to the right place at the right time, and The Ticket does gobs of remotes.   (Although by this time, you'd think they'd have the remote tech and setup down pat, but there are still many technical glitches with remotes.)  

But, as with the Ty Walker episode, it does seem as though people who need to talk to one another at The Little One just don't do so.  

And what do these episodes have in common?  The Ticket's Own Man of Mystery.  Also observed here.  A broadcaster I admire quite a lot, but there's something up with him at the station that I expect we'll hear about by and by.

I Kinda Guessed Right About Bacsik's Position at The Little One

A few days ago I couldn't figure out why Mike Bacsik had been banned from The Great Game.  Yeah, he left his team's dugout to pitch for the other team last year, but that didn't seem as though it should have been a disqualifying transgression.  So I wondered whether there weren't something else going on with Bacsik at the station.

Yeah, well, I don't know about his behavior at the station, but apparently a pretty strong streak of jerkitude was revealed over the weekend in some extremely ill-advised Twitter transmissions.  He wasn't on with Norm yesterday.

So maybe there is something else going on with Bacsik, and maybe it's that he's not all that good a guy.

A Handful of Draft Quick Hits

(1)  Say what you want about Cumulus, they pull out the stops when it comes to the draft and the result is some entertaining, informative broadcasting.  I don't know much about college football and frankly don't care much about it, but the show holds my attention. 

(2)  Norm is the acknowledged expert, but my ears perk up when I hear the resonant murmur of Bob Sturm.  Don't let the guy anywhere near an interview, but even his occasional asides are worth listening to.  The more I hear of the guy and read his blog, the more admire his real sports savvy. 

(3)  It is disconcerting to hear Mike Rhyner as the yuck-monkey.  I always like hearing his voice, but I'm not entirely sure what he's doing there.  I'm not sure he knows, either.  Throws in a gag or a non-specific observation here and there.  I'm not being critical -- I'm just saying that when he's not running a show doing what he's good at doing, it's faintly discomfiting to hear him just there without a role. 

(4) Junior Miller, along with Sturm the most astute sports mind on the station, delivered a scorching SO this morning, predicting that Dez Bryant would be as productive as Randy Moss over his career.  One of the things I admire about Junior is that he is not one of these guys that is more interested in not being wrong than in the possibility of being spectacularly right.  That attitude makes America great.

(5) I'm still somewhat puzzled by Todd Archer.  After a promising start on The Ranch Report, I didn't think he rose to the occasion, as I suggested here and here.  Again, he's an agreeable radio presence, but what more does he bring?  In his defense, I think he was doing a live instant Q&A online during the draft last night, which was surely distracting.

Did Gordon Do That Incredibly Dumb Clarence Murphy Thing on the Corner Yesterday Just to Work in a "Moby Dick" Reference?

That is, "call me Ishmael"?

Gordon Only Wrecked Yesterday's Show a Little Bit, and Today He's Hardly Wrecking It at All

Junior is off at the Boston Marathon.  I thought they should have had Mike Bacsik sitting in for him and had a Delicious Irony show, but instead Mike Doocy sat in.

Last time Doocy was on the show, as I complained in a prior article, Gordon uttrely ruined the show with his nonstop baiting of Doocy.  I turned it off and kept it off.

Yesterday, Doocy was on again.  I turned the show on and I heard all three of them talking at once, the same old repetitive baiting with the same old gay/drug/criminal-activity witless crap.  I reached for the switch but the bit (if that is what it was -- its incomprehensibility made it hard to tell) stopped, and the show was mostly tolerable for the remainder.

Junior is recuperating today, and Doocy is on again.  Hardly any baiting.  Much better.

ALERT:  I spoke too soon.  Listening right now to Muse/News, and Gordon is every other item into a Doocy tease.  At one point, he reads a headline about HiV and simply says "Doocy" -- no associated gag, just a reflexive attempt to associate Doocy with something disreputable. 

Please don't make me listen to NPR or a show with people actually talking about sports.  Someone please get the OverGordon under control. 

I'll end on a positive note:  Gordon is a genius.  OverGordon is a flogging beyond enduring.

Junior Blackballed Bacsik

I caught the beginning of the Bacsik/Newberry showgram today.

Mike confirmed that Junior vetoed his participation in The Great Game this year.  Guess he'll be calling the game with Norm.

Junior is one of my favorites so it pains me to think that he was responsible for what seems to me rather smallish behavior.  Now, I'll admit that Bacsik's departure from the dugout as coach of [Sponsor] Team Musers to pitch for [Sponsor] Team Hardline was an unorthodox strategy.  But apparently everyone but Junior thought the game was being played for yuks.  You know, like for the fans.  Who expect the wacky and wheels-off from The Little One.  Who in that stadium didn't want to see Mike pitch to Rusty Greer?

So:  Since Junior's attitude seems so out of character for something so minor (and, I would argue, positive for the fans), I am inspired to wonder if there isn't something else going on with Bacsik at The Little One.

Has Bacsik's Name Even Come Up In Connection with The Great Game?

This is a serious question.  I didn't hear the entire draft and I didn't hear the Musers' entire conversation about the draft this morning.  At no time did I hear Mike Bacsik's name even mentioned.  Did anyone bring up his participation (or non-participation)?

It would be understandable if they excluded him as a former professional major league pitcher, even though he coached a team last year and (notoriously) entered the game to pitch on behalf of the other team.

Junior, of course, was genuinely hot about this.  He probably wasn't the only one.

But even if there was some decision to exclude this ringer of all ringers from the draft, you would think that they would at least say something about it.    Did anyone mention his situation at any time?

If not  .  .  .  then I wonder if Bacsik is persona non grata at the station for some other reason.  Which would be too bad, I think.

Ty Wal-KAH!!

We listeners and Confessors listen to the shows, and we get to know these guys, and we speculate about them, and what goes on at the station, and who's a nice guy in private and who's a jackass.  And which guys don't like which other guys, and why.  Well, maybe not all of us, but I do.

I'm a little late with this item, but I wanted to think about it.  This Ty-Walker-at-the-Final-Four thing is absolutely fascinating.  The story was featured on both The Musers and The Hardline.  (If BaD Radio or Norm dealt with it, would one of you who heard it leave a comment?  My thanks.)   I'm sure I don't have all the details correct, but Westwood One needed a stringer to do some reports from the Final Four for some local stations.  Someone else there -- Sean Bass, maybe -- declined the assignment, byt Ty Walker took it.  Expenses paid, went to the game, got to pet the bulldog, hit a couple bars, and gave a couple of reports for an Atlanta station, maybe on the air for a few minutes total.  Something like that.

And not a single report from him on any of the Ticket showgrams.

Both Ty and Assistant Program Director Rich Phillips insisted that all of the producers had received an email that Ty was on this assignment.

Here's what I found most interesting:  The Musers did not question Fernando, and The Hardline did not question Danny -- at least not on the air.  Neither did either of them jump in and say hey, I never got any email about this.  So I assume that Rich and Ty are correct that the producers got the email.  The hosts, to a man, denied that they knew anything about it.  I believe them too.

So what we have here are the producers being aware that Ty Walker was going to be going to the Final Four, hosts wondering where the heck Ty Walker had gone, and nobody saying anything to anyone.  Ty Walker didn't tell any hosts; Rich Phillips didn't tell any hosts; no hosts undertook to find out where Ty Walker was during the Final Four; Rich Phillips' supervisor(s) didn't communicate to any hosts. 

It is hard to avoid the conclusion that somewhere along the line, someone did not want to give Ty Walker a platform to broadcast a report on The Little One from the Final Four.

So -- is the hard time that The Hardline gives Ty Walker not just a bit?  (Danny:  "Stay out of this, Ty!"  Gordon:  "Wanna switch your mic off there, buddy?") 

Is Ty Walker persona non grata across a wide swath of The Ticket?  If so, why is he still employed there?  If not, why didn't a single soul, not one, undertake to enlist his services while The Ticket had boots on the ground at the Final Four?

It is interesting that the hosts chose to shine a light on this apparent station snafu.  Which suggests that maybe Ty's OK with them, but not OK with the next tier in production.

We listen to Ty, and he seems OK.  We know he's young, large, reputedly without woman, and a Star Wars fan.  Does a very nice job with the Tickers.  Ocasionally steps in to provide internet-provided answers to pressing showtime questions. 

So he doesn't seem like someone you wouldn't want to hear from the Final Four.

Which suggests that there's something else going on, and consider:  It may have absolutely nothing to do with Ty.  In fact, I'm guessing that it doesn't.  It may be that inter-level communications -- and we have at least four levels here:  Cat/Rich; hosts; producers; and Ticker guys -- are not what they should be.

And it could be that these guys get too much email, and they're not exactly the types to sit in an office looking at email all day, especially email from management with "Ty Walker" in the subject line.

Can any Confessor shed any light on this fascinating episode?

The TeeBox Sounds Absolutely Terrible This Morning

The first radio program in history where the hosts gargle their entire conversation.

Of all the lousy audio we hear from remotes, nothing approaches the lousiness of this one. 

I'm not even sure how it is possible to make a broadcast sound like this.  It's not overdriven mics; it's not a phone line; it sounds like there's dirt in the cables.

George DeJohn was his usual resonant self, but during the handoff it sounded like NASA having a conversation with someone on the moon.

Time to Send the Bear-Trap Contest Back for Retooling

I know it's just a dumb segment, but the damned thing at least has to have the courage of its convictions.  I think this is my fourth article on how Gordon is screwing up a perfectly good concept with obvious frauds and anecdotes which aren't even bear traps.

There was another one this morning, and Junior even voted for it:  The guy who was going on a hot date and goes to his date's fancy mansion to pick her up.  He is waiting awkwardly with her family and decides he needs to demonstrate his erudition (since he is from the other side of the tracks) by asking if they knew the definition of a word he had just learned from listening to "The Newlywed Game."  The word was "masticate," but -- would you believe it -- instead, he says "masturbate"! 

OK, let's think about this for a minute.  I could complain that this was obviously made up, because (1) hot busty high school chicks who are wealthy tend not to go out with low-lifes like this guy claimed to be, but that at least, could happen.  But (2), in the history of awkward first meetings with parents, has a kid ever, ever asked these total strangers if they knew the meaning of an unfamiliar word as a way to break the ice?  But let's put these credibilty problems aside.

The real problem here is that this is not a bear trap.  This was a mistake.  The guy did not say what he intended to say, which is a minimum requirement for a bear trap.  If the bear trap is expanded to include "stupid verbal errors which cause embarrassment," well, then, you've lost the bear-trap's entire reason for being.

Rich the Suit

I'm a little behind on my topics here, sorry.  This one's been tickling me lately.

On the Muser showgram on Tuesday, March 23, the gentlemen were reminiscing about talking about taking one's check into an actual bank to deposit.  Someone mentioned that perhaps they would do that someday, when Rich said:   “We don’t allow that anymore.”

Rich is an assistant program director.  I don't know what assistant program directors do.  Come to think of it, I don't know what a non-assistant program director does at a station like The Ticket.  Answers email from irate listeners, I guess.  I've lived here for seven years and other than post-7 PM and 10 AM on Saturdays, I don't recall any program showing the result of any direction other heading in the same one they were heading seven years ago.  

Maybe the PD rides herd on questionable on-air content and noodges the shows in one direction or another, or asks that a particular demo get a little more love on the air.  Which means the assistant program director probably carries some of his water on that subject as well.

I have come to admire Rich Phillips's on-air work, as I reported here.  But I sense that there are some verrrry spicy dynamics going on there.  Nothing I can put my finger on. 

But when I heard that "we" back on March 23, I thought I felt the organisms in that studio stiffen just a little.

Probably just my imagination.

Apologies for the Comment Spam Invasion

This site has recently been attacked by a spammer who leaves incomprehensible lists of prescription medicines.  I used to delete them but am close to giving up.  I looked for remedies on the Internet, but the explanations of how to implement them are couched in the usual expert patois well beyond my capabilities to follow.

If anyone has any suggestions for a set of instructions that normal liberal-arts major white guys could follow to try to fight (or at least reduce, this plague) I'd be delighted to hear them.

In the meantime, thanks for your patience, and keep Confessing.

Another Grave Misuse of the Bear-Trap Contest

I've complained in the past that Gordon has reported Bear-Trap stories that were, to my ear, obviously fake.  A couple of them have won.

Today, they introduced another flaw in the process.  They chose as a winner someone who claimed to be a surgeon, one "Blade," who had made a coarse remark to a pregnant woman in the operating room who, it turned out, had suffered a miscarriage some weeks before.  He submitted another instance of whether he berated some colleague in the operating room with the witty "Are you gay, or what?" line, the object of these remarks, of course, being gay.

The problem is not that these stories don't sound real.  The problem is that Blade the Surgeon isn't a bear-trap victim -- he's just a jackass.  Bear-Trap winners must have about them a certain degree of unsuspecting innocence, but Blade the Surgeon is (and, is apparently proud to be) a serial vulgarian.  You can't be a Bear-Trap winner if it is your habit to speak disrespectfully and insultingly.

Hey, this is critical stuff. 

The Ticket Is More or Less Off the Air This Morning

I noticed it driving through Plano early this morning.  104.1 FM was gradually dying, succumbing to the superior power and/or atmospherics of that East Texas talker.  It is now completely off the air.  The 1310 AM signal is all but unintelligible in parts of downtown. 

The top-rated station for the most desirable demographic and it's unhearable in the heart of its listening area.  This has been going on so long that technology can no longer be blamed.  It is sheer upper-level management incompetence.

What would happen if, next time contract renewal comes around, Mike Rhyner or Junior Miller or George Dunham said:  I'll sign up for another few years, but I want a clause in there that if that signal doesn't improve to such-and-such a level -- and these things can be quantified --  by such-and-such a date, I can leave the station with $XXX,000 in severance and no noncompete.

The Copenhagen Room Found -- With Mike's Flashlight

Your Plainsman is nothing if not indefatigable in search of obscure of the etymology of Ticket references.  Unfortunately, I fear that this will expose me as the least-hip P1 in the Nation.

And, as I say in the following article (posted earlier tonight), many of y'all may already know where Michael Rhyner's reference to "The Copenhagen Room" in his introduction to E-News comes from.  I didn't.

As always seems to happen, the flashlight gave it away.

So -- Mike introduces E-News by saying "Whaddya say we get a little flashlight goin' here?"  And the undermusic is "Flash Light" by Parliament (next article).

And you take that clue and do a little Googling, and you come up with an essay by Wayne Ewing, a producer who was going to make a movie with Hunter Thompson about his stint as a "night manager" for the tragic San Francisco porn kings Jim and Artie Mitchell, who produced "Behind the Green Door" and many other features, and ran the notorious O'Farrell Theater.   Here is an excerpt from his article:

"Hunter insisted that Deborah and I take the full tour of what he called “the Carnegie Hall of public sex in America.” On the first floor were three venues – the New York Stage where one girl would dance while others gave lap dances to the audience, the Copenhagen Room where patrons sat around the perimeter with flashlights and girls performed in the middle or on your lap, and the Ultra Room, a room with private cubicles from which you watched while the girls did each other in the box and you fed them tips through slots in the glass.

"'Be careful not to touch the walls,' one girl thoughtfully warned Deborah with whom I shared a cubicle."

You can read the whole article here.
 

Founders of The Copenhagen Room, Jim and Artie Mitchell

Jim would later shoot Artie to death.  Brothers Emlio Estevez and  

Charlie Sheen would later portray them in "Rated X."

 
So there you have it.  Get a little flashlight goin' and step into the Copenhagen Room.  I had always pictured Mike as an usher in a red blazer and black slacks with a flashlight to show you to your seat in a night-clubby kind of place.  Nope -- turns out the patrons are the ones who needed the flashlights.
 
The Hardline, bringing a little class to the culture-starved P1 Nation.

KNTU 88.1 FM Pays Homage to The Ticket -- I Think

Your Plainsman was doing some personal financial work around 8:45 tonight and had "North Texas Jukebox" turned down low. It's the Sunday night show on 88.1 FM KNTU, the University of North Texas college station, where one can go online and request any song of any kind. I thought I caught a hint of something I recognized. I turned it up, and sure enough – it was that goofy song that The Hardline plays under E-News. I always wondered what that song was; now I know, because the DJ identified it when it was done playing: it's "Flash Light" by Parliament.  I suspect that every Ticket listener except me already knew this, as it seems to have been a hit, and has made numerous appearances in movies and TV shows.

If that weren't cool enough, when the DJ was ready to move on to the next request, he said that he was "leaving the Copenhagen Room."

I wasn't sure that was a Ticket reference. But since I can't find anything on the Internet linking that song and the Copenhagen Room – whatever that is – I can only assume that the DJ was paying tribute to The Hardline.

By the way – if anyone out there knows the significance of the Copenhagen Room and can enlighten someone who has only been listening since 2004, I'd be grateful for the information.

That Musers' Deep Throat Informant and "Poltergeist" Medium -- Separated at Birth?

I've noted this before, but thought I'd re-run it since the Musers' Deep Throat Informant reported on his/her presence at the Ron Washington cocaine ingestion episode.

The Deep Throat Informant sounds almost exactly like the tiny “Poltergeist” ghost hunter that visited Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams as they attempted to rescue Heather O'Rourke from  .  .  .  well from the poltergeist.  The actress, Zelda Rubinstein, died earlier this year.

Check it out and see if you think Gordon got any inspiration here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_nLiys-TqY

Corby Issues the Line of the Year (So Far)

On Tuesday, Corby let loose with a sentence so perfect, so hilarious, that its slight vulgarity may be completely excused. The gents were discussing “Dancing with the Stars,” and Corby had called to Mike’s attention that Mike’s reputed lust-destination Pamela Anderson was among the contestants. Mike grunted dismissively, Corby and Danny abused him roundly for his faithlessness, and then Corby said, deliberately and with great conviction:

“You cannot turn your back on the ass of yesterday.”

The way he said it, with such utter gravity and sincerity, it would not have sounded out of place in the Gettysburg Address. His remark passed without comment, because the next thing he said was what he imagined Reggie Bush said to Kim Kardashian upon his departure, which was also amusing, and which got marked, but which I cannot recall verbatim. You’ll hear it again, Confessors, in fully-mastered drop form, of that you may be certain.

But I ask you to consider the perfection of Corby’s locution. It would not have been as funny if Corby had said:

       "You can’t turn your back on the ass of yesterday”

Or:

       “You cannot turn your back on yesterday’s ass”

Or:

       “You can’t turn your back on yesterday’s ass.”

No, by omitting contractions and using the construction “ass of yesterday,” he made it worthy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. It even makes a good poem:

       You cannot
       Turn your back
       On the ass of yesterday.

Now there’s a drop for you.

A Perfect Thing About The Hardline

There are many quite superb things about The Hardline, of course, but there is one thing that is absolutely perfect.  One thing that should never, ever be changed.  One thing that represents the ideal marriage of performance, design, architecture, engineering, construction, and feng shui.  What is this paragon of that which cannot be improved?

Insulation.

Because The Hardline custom studios are possessed of exactly that combination of soundproofing, fiberglass wall stuffing, glass, sheetrock, wall posters, and discarded I Fratelli pizza boxes so arranged that when something amusing takes place, during those moments of precious on-air silence, originating in some distant room, pitched at a decibel level that could not be any more perfect if Glyn Johns were twiddlin' and tweakin', one can detect, just barely, the irresistible chortling of Michael Gruber.

There is no jollier sound in the universe than Grubes's throaty larfing, but it would not be nearly so jolly if it were one VU meter tick one way or the other.  Bleeding through the exquisitely-composed walls of The Hardline custom studio, it's one of those sounds, like a bull's-eye fart drop, that one cannot hear without laughing. Absolutely. Dead. Solid. Perfect. 

Gordon Wrecked Last Thusday's Show

Your Plainsman lays awake at night trying to think up catchy titles for articles.  Sometimes, sleep arrives too soon and you just have to go with what you got.

Have you ever known someone who was incredibly talented, both witty and funny, an astounding mimic, possessing a fabulously associative intellect, all of it wired to operate at maximum speed so that even if you thought of something clever, interesting, or cutting to say, he always managed to say it first and get the laugh or the gasp or the admiring female gaze?  And, despite the pleasure that you may have taken in being in the company of such a star, didn't there come a time, every once in awhile, where you wanted to say -- or perhaps you did say -- "Plainsman, give it a rest"?

Gordon is that guy.

Only, since Gordon is on the radio and you are in your car/workplace/Oval Office, you can turn the showgram off or change the channel.

Which I did last Thursday.

George was off doing the North Texas game and Mike Doocy sat in.   Doocy is a good guest host, kind of gets the gig and goes along with what the showgram is about.  He's smart, knows some sports, accepts the gags tossed his way.  The show started out great.

Gordon sabotaged it at every turn.  He would not leave Doocy alone.  The poor man couldn't utter a phrase without Gordon (1) making one or another gag out of it, and, worse, (2) making the same gag or another out of it, either an aberrant-sexual-practice or drug-use joke.  A couple of these would have been OK, but they didn't stop.   The stop-down to the showgram was bad enough, but the references were not redeemed by being amusing.  Was there something inside going on?  Some allusion to Doocy's past?   I came to think so, but that made it worse, because (1) Your Plainsman, at least, did not know the reference(s), and (2) it was rude.

I actually had the privilege of turning the showgram off twice, because the next day when they replayed the Fake Tiger call to Doocy at 6:40, it flamed out almost immediately for the same reason, so it was back to "Morning Edition" and a riveting report on the crisis facing anvil manufacturers in Burkina Faso.

Jeez, Gordon, we love ya, man (in fact, Your Plainsman is preparing a laudatory article that will appear after a decent interval), but sometimes even a real smart guy has gotta know, you know, when to put a cork in it.

Correction to "Confessional Quick Hits" (March 18), Quick Hit (1)

In my report on the number of ancestors to be examined if one searches one's ancestry back 20 generations, I calculated that the number to be examined was 2 to the 20th power, or 1,048,575 people. That is incorrect – that's only the number of people in the 20th generation. The aggregate number of people to be examined in all generations is (2 to the 20th) + (2 to the 19th) + (2 to the 18th) + . . . . + (2 to the 1st). The actual number of ancestors back to the twentieth generation – counting your parents as the first generation – is 2,097,150.

Your Plainsman apologizes for this gross error.

Confessional Quick Hits

Couple of thoughts from the broadcast day:

(1)  20 Generations.  In discussing the new Lisa Kudrow show about searching for ancestors, Corby (jokingly, I think) talked about going back "20 generations."  That isn't so crazy, necessarily, since 20 generations is about 500 years, which takes us back to the 1500s, which isn't that far from when Danny's ancestors came over on the Mayflower, or whatever it was he was claiming.  However, if one really did try to go back 20 generations, he would be examining a large number of people -- 2 to the 20th power, to be exact.  That works out to 1,048,575 people.

(2)  What Were the Rangers Thinking?  In listening to today's conversations about why the Rangers didn't fire Ron Washington, I didn't hear this one (but I usually don't get to hear Norm or BaD Radio, so they may have touched on it):  The Rangers were for sale at that tme.   Disarray and lack of discipline would have made the team (admittedly, only marginally) less attractive to purchasers, and that would have been an issue only if Washington had been fired (since the the whistleblower was not blabbing at the time).  There was no likely successor to Wasington in place at that time.  So it made more sense to stay the course and disclose Washington's issue to shoppers at such time as they were doing their "due diligence" on the Rangers.  

(3)  More Ron Washington.  Gordon sensibly asks, "wasn't the world a better place without HR?"  Sure. But HR didn't explode on the scene in the last 25 years all by itself.  It was compelled by the interference of courts and legislatures in hiring and firing decisions.  Some of this interference has been necessary (ending certain kinds of discrimination), but a whole helluva lot of it has been absolute nonsense (forbidding employers from making reasonable distinctions between good and bad employees and imposing their own notions of "fairness" on the hiring and firing process).  My point here is that you can bet that the Washington situation was far more drenched in legal considerations than HR considerations.

(4)  Another Unbelievable Bear-Trap.  The one Gordon just told about the guy who was holding forth on "Wayne" as a middle name.  It was going fine until the wife says "Didn't I tell you his father killed his mother and went to the chair"?  He said, "no, I don't remember that."    First, if this were true, of course she would have told him.  And this supposedly wasn't the first time they were getting together.  Second, if she had told him about it, one of them would have remembered.  Third, there were very few executions taking place during the time when that mother and father would have been alive.  Fourth, the electric chair was not a common method of execution during that period.  Fifth  .  .  .  hell, it doesn't make any sense and it didn't happen the way the bear-trap guy says it did, if it happened at all. 

The Bear Trap Contest is starting to become like Hypothetical Thursday -- what I call "NPR Moments," because that's when I am compelled to change the channel for a few minutes until the inauthentic broadcasting abates.

(5)  Junior v. Keith.  No, not that Keith.

Junior said he feared Keith Olberman's intellect.  He needn't worry.  Olberman is glib but his intellect is a mile side and an inch deep.  Junior's intelligence is far more subtle and penetrating.  He could hold his own and, after enduring a verbal barrage or two, would prevail in any debate.  Any debate about cycling, anyway.

(6) Baby Doll Ad.  I was really disappointed to hear this ad a little after 5 pm Wednesday.   I've heard other sports-radio stations (other markets) run these ads for "gentlemen's clubs."    The station will run them for awhile, then station management awakens to how awful they sound and how cheap they make the station seem.  And the station stops accepting those ads.  Put aside the content -- the chicks they get to read that copy all sound stupid and amateurish.   Same with The Ticket.   Those smarmy ads never fit in with The Ticket and after awhile they went away.  Then there was the Baby Doll ad yesterday, which was the sleaziest, smuttiest ad for a strip joint I have ever heard.  Same stupid amateur chick reading it.   It came as close to a soliciation for prostitution as you're ever going to hear on the radio.  It almost makes me wonder if, despite the great numbers for The Ticket, the economy has made it hard to get the rates The Ticket needs to pay all the on-air talent.

I wish all Confessors a fine weekend.

Can We Get a Little Love for Cumulus, Please?

Cumulus takes something of a beating from the P1 Nation.  This site has taken its shots, as have other sites and commenters.

Lately, I've been lecturing Cumlus on the need to give The Little One a better signal -- in particular, I've urged that it simply deliver up to The Ticket the 93.3 frequency.  (I haven't found jobs yet for the i93hits folks.)  Or, at a minimum, we'd like The Boys to have some better in-studio hardware.   We'd welcome a billboard or two along the Tollway.

But this site is dedicated to fairness and The Larger View.  The Larger View is that The Ticket is still a terrific radio product.  We know that not only because we like to listen to it, but because we have some pretty persuasive evidence that we are not alone.  The ratings are through the roof, even though the Arbitron measurement methodology has changed. 

I will ask fellow Confessors to take my word for it:  When a new corporate owner comes in in any industry, the temptation is almost overwhelming for various persons regarding themselves as experts -- not to mention the Rhyner-reviled consultants they trail along with them -- to tinker with the  merged entity's existing formats and formulas. 

Cumulus did not do that.  Not in any way that is visible to the Nation, that is.    While Cumulus may not be nuturing the goose that continues to lay those golden shares with improved studio toys, neither has it tinkered overmuch with The Little One.  The result is that we continue to enjoy that distinctive combination of guy talk, sports, stammering, inside lingo, close-to-the-edge naughtiness, bits, and charming self-consciousness.  

Radio is a tough biz.  A radio station, I gather, is something like a restaurant.  If it's a gigantic hit, it throws off cash like crazy.  If it's OK, it operates on a razor-thin margin.  If it's average, it's probably a cash-flow loser.  The big winners are rare and the stress of maintaining their success as they age is enormous.  The temptation to fine-tune what's already working must be almost overwhelming.

So consider what Cumulus has done with The Ticket. 

Nothing, pretty much.

Yeah, Cumulus should pop for some big-boy promotion and some improved infrastructure.  But if we can't have that, at least we still have The Ticket in its more-or-less classic format.  That it has survived some high-profile ownership changes suggests that Cumulus may, just may, know what it's doing.  That it has exercised, shall we say, creative restraint in its dealings with the touchy talent at The Ticket. 

Corporate management with a sense of what keeps it afloat -- far out.

Have You Thought About It? WBAP Just Did

Alert Confessor James reports in a comment to the prior article that on this very day, WBAP News/Talk 820 AM has begun simulcasting on 96.7 FM, the signal formerly occupied by KPMZ, the Ron Chapman-programmed "Platinum" 60s-70s station licensed to Flower Mound.  Citadel Broadcasting just up and freakin' gave it to 'em.

I don't know the ins and outs of why Citadel Broadcasting gave WBAP the FM signal. Doubt that it was signal-related.  (820AM is 50,000 watts, clear-channel omnidirectional at night.  96.7 FM is 90,000 watts, not too shabby.)  Whatever the reason, it unquestionably made WBAP, which has a strong local news and Limbaugh/Hannity/Ingraham lineup, stronger still. 

But when The Ticket arises from its Cumulus-induced slumber and fills the ether with a fresh new 93.3 FM signal, the airwaves will sizzle with the exodus of ideology-exhausted WBAP listeners to The Little One.

Or some other overblown, mixed, and inappropriate metaphor.

That Lousy Ticket Signal -- and What to Do About It, Part 2

A few months back I suggested that The Ticket switch signals with The Bone (93.3 FM), which is now something called "i93hits," I think. My thought was that Cumulus should simply give The Ticket the much better signal of a much worse-performing station in its station lineup.  They could give The Ticket 93.3 and do something else with 104.1.

I don't know if "i93hits" is doing better than "The Bone" at that address.  Probably too early to tell in the way radio-station-gestation periods are measured.  But how good can it be doing if it's playing the same thing everyone else is playing? I dunno, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' radio stations.

But I do know that radio conglomerates do move solid stations to better signals that they own, or add simulcasts.  (I couldn't find when The Ticket was given 104.1, but I think it was during Susquehanna's stewardship, and Cumulus also simulcasts The Ticket on 1700AM.)  Case in point: WSCR-AM "The Score" is the pioneering sports-talk station in Chicago.  Its owner gradually improved its AM signal since its founding in 1992, and it now broadcasts at 670AM, a 50,000 clear-channel signal formerly held by NBC affiliate WMAQ.  But The Score apparently isn't stopping there.  I found this in a recent online edition of "Talkers" magazine, the talk-radio-industry bible.

“The Chicago Sun-Times’ Lewis Lazare writes that although a source with CBS Radio tells him there is nothing on the drawing board to put an FM simulcast on its WSCR, Chicago, he believes the company will do it soon – perhaps before the White Sox take the field in April. Lazare notes the languishing ratings of AC WCFS-FM and speculates that WSCR – which finished 10th in the market adults 25-54 in the January PPM – could really capitalize on an FM signal. Previously, there had been chatter in Chicago that Bonneville might take an underperforming FM and flip it sports but there has been no movement there.”

So I republish my previous suggestion that Cumulus give The Ticket 93.3 FM, a 50,000-watt FM signal licensed to Haltom City; I don't know where the transmitter is.  (104.1 FM is 6200 watt licensed to Sanger.)  A strong signal that reaches the entire DFW metro area.  Don't know anything about radio station economics, but I have to believe that a move like that would instantly enhance ad rates and increase demand for ad time on The Little One.

Because more people could hear it, and because the people who hear it now could do so secure in the knowledge that they would not lose the signal while crossing the street, or have it magically transformed in mid-bit into a Christian talk-radio station from Tyler.

Now, I do have it on good authority that Cumulus is taking some regulatory and engineering steps to solve some of its lousy-signal issues.  I am skeptical that they will do much good at the current power authorizations for 1310 AM and 104.1 FM.  But perhaps things will get better without an entirely new signal for The Ticket.

If Cumulus decides not to heed Your Plainsman’s generous counsel, perhaps it could spend a couple hundo and chip in some new cables, plugs, and iPod playback hardware for the studio.

I Don't Suppose It's Possible . . . or Even Practical . . .

.   .   .   to have different stories in Muse in the News and Community Quick Hits/E-News.

No, no, it isn't.

Greggo . . . Hey, Greggo

If the comments to online articles about Greggo's recent parting with John Clay Wolfe are any indication, our sympathy reserves are pretty much exhausted.  Mine too.  But, as his wife says about Willy Loman in "Death of a Salesman":   He's not the finest character that ever lived. But he's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him. So attention must be paid.   .  .  .  . Attention, attention must finally be paid to such a person.

As I reread Richie Whitt's report on his recent conversation with Greggo, a disturbing vision emerged:  Something bad is going to happen to Greg Williams, or to someone around him.  Destitute; erratic behavior; possibly still using; self-deluded and deluded by others; subject to depression; prospects vanished; publicly humiliated as his private business is made public.  And isolated.  And a fondness for guns.  And a brother who was a suicide.  Go back and read the first few paragraphs of Whitt's article on the Greggo/Ticket divorce, "The Hard Lie."  Things have only gotten worse for Greggo since then.

And yet, think:  We have all been hugely entertained by this man, and for years.  He got himself to work and put on a show for a long time.   It is beyond any doubt that he has brought his present troubles on himself.  But -- and I'm no expert on the ways of the mind -- in reading everything that has been written about this man it is all but impossible to escape the conclusion that his behavior has its footing in a clinical foundation that can be treated, if not altogether repaired.   Yeah, I know, you have to let addicts hit bottom.  I've had that experience with a loved one.  Two, in fact.  That strategy is fine right up to the time he doesn't get up.

Unlikely that Greggo tunes in to this site.  But I'd feel pretty lousy if one of us many pundits, bloggers, posters, or commenters, now that we're done clucking our tongues, didn't say something. 

Greggo, look around.  Nothing you see, not one thing, not one person, including the one sitting in your chair, can help you.  Not one thing you own beyond those four walls.  That includes the telephone.  Talking is nothing, it can't help you.  Nothing and no one in your current experience can help you.

But there is help to be had. 

Get up and get out of there. 

Pack a bag, or don't.  Drive yourself, by yourself, to any one of any one of dozens of organizations -- and you know some of them yourself -- who are waiting to help you.  They will welcome you. 

Your fans may be shaking their heads as they read about your recent reversals, but they are still fans, and they're legion.  They may believe that you are the author of your own low state, but they don't like it that you're miserable and failed.    Right now you're just a story to us, but if you get out there and where you need to be you can become a great story, one of the great second acts in DFW history. 

That road trip will be a hard one, the goodbyes will be agonizing, and it will never, ever end as the demons keep your taillights in view. 

But if you can stay awake and keep the car on the road as you do the difficult things you must do, there will come a day when you can pull into a parking lot, show some ID, walk down the hall, settle yourself into a comfortable swivel chair, and take a deep breath as you adjust the headphones and turn to speak into the microphone.

Just as you did for all those years.

Do it.  Get up now.  Do it.

Nitpicking This Morning's Muser Errors

Unfair and and entirely unnecessary commentary on this morning's program:

(1)  Junior kept referring to the former heavyweight champ as "Jack Johnston."  His name was Jack Johnson.

(2) Junior mistold the priest/rabbi joke this morning, or read a lame version of it.  The Rabbi is supposed to deny that he's ever eaten pork.  Then the priest confesses to having sampled the pleasures of the flesh.  "I don't blame you," rabbi says, "It's better than pork." 

(3)  I didn't get to hear the end of the Bear-Trap of the Week contest, but I did not believe the story of the blind guy running into the other guy.  Nothing about it made sense.  (a) The guy didn't see some guys playing with hockey sticks a block or so back and think that one guy was following him tapping a hockey stick.  (b) Blind guys with sticks walk slowly.  They don't catch up with normal-gaited people.  (c) People who hear any kind of tapping coming up behind them turn around to look.  (d)  If there was a crowd around to disappear into, the guy would not have heard the tapping.  The story was fake.

But Greggo . . . Why One Hundred FOUR Thousand?

Radio -- it's a tough business.  Really tough.  Lotta people want to get into show biz, and they'll do anything to get a foot in the door.  Once there, they find they have to continue to work for non-celebrity wages to keep the gig.

Danny Balis, in my judgment one of the most compelling broadcasters in Dallas (and one of the most misunderstood -- I'll hit this topic another time) -- let slip a few days ago that he makes $30,000.  I don't know if he was making a humorous point in the context of what they were discussing at the time, but it had the ring of truth.  (I think he says he makes more from his music than from his Ticket engagement.)  And I'm guessing, but I doubt Cumulus has included in his compensation package a piece of Hardline-generated profits.  (Sometimes I wonder if Grubes has him on retainer.)

Anyone following the Greggo-Hammer-HeeHoo saga has already read Richie Whitt's (rather balanced)  account of HeeHoo's phone call to him to report on the climactic meeting with John Clay Wolfe.  Wolfe was offering $24,000 plus a share of the profits -- in other words, a piece of the show, a nice incentive for good behavior -- and some pretty stiff disincentives for bad behavior.   Faithful Confessors are aware that I believe HeeHoo to be a genuine radio talent, but man -- nine days and he's out.  Show of hands please -- how many of you out there think he put gasoline in the diesel's tank?  Yeah, me too.  And he and his Significant Frail held firm at $104,000.

Couple of questions:

How many stations did HeeHoo think Wolfe was going to sign up in nine days?

How did HeeHoo and the Significant Frail settle on $104,000?

What is the approximate magnitude of advertising revenue HeeHoo and S.F. believe to be generated by a one -- one, that is -- kilowatt AM station in the Seymour/Wichita Falls metroplex?  Makes The Ticket's anemic collection of signals look like a freakin' blowtorch.  I don't know KSEY's target demo other than guys trying to sell 2004 Sentras (not  .  .  .  that there's anything wrong with that), but I suspect Arbitron has detected a significant bovine share. 

Sometime Confessor "insider" suggests in a comment that there's a Wolfe-to-HeeHoo email detailing additional Wolfe proposals to keep HeeHoo before the microphone. 

I certainly hope so.  Barb Smith seekers aren't going to drive traffic to this site forever.