Monday, August 18, 2014

FROM THE ARCHIVES: A Gift for Some Lucky Host -- A Near-New Cowboys Theory

This article first appeared on February 11 of this year.  I thought it was an interesting theory -- within the well-known limitations of my sportsy knowledge -- but it didn't attract much interest among the Confessoriat and none elsewhere.  But as the season threatens to begin again, I trot it out one more time, fully prepared for another round of thunderous indifference:

This is a bit of a scam entry, because it's really just one of my tragically sportsy opinions disguised as something with an extremely attenuated Ticket connection. 

It is never a good thing when I dip my toe into sportness.

So you have been warned.

Yeah, so here is a sports opinion that I want to offer to any Ticket host who wants to adopt it.    No, really.  That fortunate host may have it free of charge, and the beauty part is that he, whoever he may turn out to be, may have it without giving this site any credit whatsoever.  No mention necessary.  Hey, what good would more readers do me?  I don't get a nickel from this if I have one hit a day or a million.

It's a Cowboys opinion.  I have not heard it previously opined.  If anyone has previously opined it, well, I thought of it first a long time ago, so that's my position on that there.

*     *     *

No one thinks that Jerry's management of the Cowboys is competent.  This evening, I'm thinking particularly of his game of musical coaches, the difference between what Jerry's doing and musical chairs being that no one gets eliminated -- you just get more and more coaches.

But I don't think this is just aimless, random meddling.

I think Jerry knows exactly what he's doing. 

Now, this is not to say that what he's doing is good for the Cowboys.  But I think that Jerry believes that what he's doing is good for Jerry.

So here is my theory:

Jerry keeps adding coaches and layers of football-team management because it is a way for him to increase his influence over the coaching function and, ultimately, the locker room.

We all know that if he thought he could get away with it, he'd name himself head coach.  Instead, as we also know, he inserts himself in coaching matters.

Adding more coaches and layers of management enables him to meddle more, and more effectively (by his lights), in several ways:

First, the addition of each new coach that Jason Garrett had no role in selecting further dilutes the influence of that poor man. 

Second, each new non-Garrett coach gives Jerry someone new to call, someone who hasn't completely tuned him out and who feels some gratitude to him in the short run for giving him a job with one of the most famous sports franchises in the world, and who will report his views to the group.

Third, the more coaches in the room who listen to Jerry when he calls, the more his ideas, advice, scolding, whatever, get repeated in the room.

And, finally, and most importantly for his purposes, if he can get coaches fighting with each other over the direction of the team, the weaker and less certain that direction is and the more influence he will be called upon (by himself, but now with justification he's created by his machinations) to exercise  to "resolve" these disagreements.

Take the Callahan business.  He won't let Callahan interview for a job?  Why not?  Because it serves his purpose to have a disaffected and even angry Callahan on the staff, because it gives management -- Jerry -- the chance to step into the coaches' conclave to resolve matters and, oh, by the way, long as I'm here, why don't y'all emphasize the tight ends this week?

Of course, this is a terrible way to manage almost anything.  But it is entirely consistent with what we know about Jerry's scorching ambition to be a respected "football man."  What better way, in his toupee-warmed brain, than to divide and conquer his own coaching staff?

Who will be the first host to discover this jewel of Cowboys analysis and make it his own?


blergoyen said...

Plainsman, I can't remember if I agreed or disagreed with your position on this subject previously, but you may be on to something. I would highlight that it's easier to manage a lower headcount and much cheaper from a payroll perspective to just hire a smaller number of personnel that will just do whatever you tell them without arguing. I think Jones has done just that.

BTW, it's just after 1pm on Monday 8/18 and, for an extended period, the online stream was playing some Hipdoooshster retro funkadelic sounding stuff that JakeZ probably picked out. What gives?

TheDude said...

We're probably all a bit weary of the ice-bucket stuff, but George's tweet that referenced the late Joel Jenista was a nice touch. This is about as close as I get to ALS.

Plainsman, I'll drop this old post in for folks to re-read:

I remember the Hardline interview that was referenced in that post (as well as the bear-trap Junior confrontation a few months prior). I have to agree with Plainsman's report: "It was a great segment. Dramatic and inspirational -- and heartbreaking."

cactusflinthead said...

I went back and read through the 24 comments back in Feb when this ran the first time. I doubt if Unk and blergoyen have changed their estimation of Jerry.

At the risk of breaking Godwin's Law I have to submit Hitler as an example of poor management skills or bad management by design. Not for any other reason. Maybe that gets me a pass, if you can submit a leader that is apt and doesn't carry the baggage of that name I'll be glad to retract the comparison, anyhow here goes...

Hitler did exactly what the Pman has described. He wanted his generals and by extension the soldiers to depend upon his decisions. He had to be the leader and part of that meant he had a convoluted and distorted chain of command. Rather than delegating the decision to move in the tanks that were held in reserve for what he was sure was to be the invasion at Calais no one was willing to wake the man that June morning. (Jerry goes off the reservation with draft picks.) He was and he is self-deluded and convinced he was the smartest man in the room. He wanted his minions to constantly bicker. He wanted his generals to never be quite certain who was in charge other than himself.

I see the same demand for power in Jerry. Minus the blood and war. He wants, no demands, full control from socks to jocks. There is no way around it. If he has to accept inferior game time decision making from his anointed coach then so be it. He will get the accolades, should they ever come, for keeping his chosen coach. Jason knows how to work with him. Or at least it appears that way. Jason is more than willing to let Jerry be the loose cannon on the camera. Jason never will be loose with words. Jerry rambles incoherently and manages to let slip details that cause havoc the next week. Jason is so determined to say nothing that he invites caricature by avoiding the very questions that Jerry brought to the fore. Who is in charge of calling plays? Who makes the pick at the draft? Who signs free agents?

I probably didnt say anything about this last spring because it tends to piss me off.
The only one that ventures to this idea regularly is Norm. I love a good Norm on Jerry rant.
FIRE HIM! originated with one of them iirc.

I am still trying to get some research done on the younger ticket demo. I did manage to embarrass my daughter by asking her if she would text her buddy to ask him some questions. Negatory. I'll pin him down soon.

Anonymous said...

I think the analysis of Jerry Jones is really pretty simple. He made his fortune as an oil wildcatter. He trusts his instincts. And he always will.

Anonymous said...

I support the George Dunham "7 Year Ditch" Theory that 7 years after the stabilizing force (Jimmy/Parcells), the team goes in the ditch. The team started going 5-11 7 years after jimmy left and will go in the tank this year.

Anonymous said...

I think it's time for Jerry the Owner to fire Jerry the GM.

gunther said...

Oh man, almost drove off the road this morn, Whistle Talker's job: senior supervisor at the Sachse Sack and Save. Funny as hell.

Colorado P1 said...

1:08 PM: I too am very curious about that extended musical interlude. I enjoyed it at first, but they are playing it so often that it has become a beating. Does any P1 have any insight into this phenomenon?

Anonymous said...

The were unable to sell the digital ad time. It's that simple.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else enjoying their Dan-free BAD Radio?

Anonymous said...

I'm enjoying the sports talk DN has to offer but the non sports segments are lacking. Jake is ok at 1:30 news but it's a much funnier segment when Dan is driving the bus.

Anonymous said...

Dug the EPL show. Didn't miss IG at all. That thing has run its course. NPR Cowboy talk is a lot like NPR: interesting for the first few minutes until you realize it's a bunch of superficial, pseudo intellectual bulsh gussied up with multisyllabic words uttered in hushed tones.

Digging Dan-less BADD. Newbs did a fine job. But what was up with his weird chopping off the end of thoughts and words cadencing? I sort of like his reformed doucher story. Seems like a one time asshat turned good dude. Stoked to hear Jake pull up the big boy chair next to Bob.

Colorado P1 said...

Well I sure wish they would mix it up a little, that song has gotten old really quickly.

Anonymous said...

Heck yes! I love the Dan free BaD Radio. I can't stand anyway so it's always welcome to get a break from him.

Ditto on changing that god awful music during the streaming break. I have to turn the volume off when it plays.

Anonymous said...

Dan-less BaD Radio is really boring. If I want nothing but dry sports talk, I'll go to ESPN.

Anonymous said...

I will listen to Intentional Grounding. Not a chance in hell I will listen to soccer talk. I would rather hear Corby describe his golf vacation.

Anonymous said...

@1:08 & 11:44, I had questions along the same line. Even now smooth jamming to the hip music interlude. I listen via the miracle of the internet, and get Mayo Clinic, another Health bit, Tech tips, etc... Do those appear on the terrestrial? We streamers probably get different commercials. Except for the torture that is GenoStim and no studio time Lauriston Crockett. I'd rather listen to a medley of Dan whine and Danny "this sucks" siren for 2 minutes.

Anonymous said...

@1:08 & 11:44, I had questions along the same line. Even now smooth jamming to the hip music interlude. I listen via the miracle of the internet, and get Mayo Clinic, another Health bit, Tech tips, etc... Do those appear on the terrestrial? We streamers probably get different commercials. Except for the torture that is GenoStim and no studio time Lauriston Crockett. I'd rather listen to a medley of Dan whine and Danny "this sucks" siren for 2 minutes.

blergoyen said...

TBH, after a week of the instrumental of the "Martin" theme song (mawrtEHHHH....mawrtEHHHHH) and Jennifer Wild's tech tips, I'd say it's a nice vacation from the hag from Progressive, Reagor/Dykes Shysters-R-Us, and constant last-minute fake call-ins from Luarsten Crocket.

Anonymous said...

God that song is a beating. It almost makes me wish for the return of SweetJack. I am pretty surprised that they have so many gaps in their advertising, I would have thought they have no problem selling spots. I remember when they used to boast about being the #1 streamed radio station on WunderRadio or something like that, by far. Maybe the FM signal has significantly decreased the size of the streaming audience.

Anonymous said...

Maybe off topic, but what the hell- did anyone else notice a bit of tension on Thursday morning's Muse in the News when Jer just wasn't able to "locate" the audio of the ISIS asshole? Gordo musta called for it 20 times, and Jer just couldn't seem to find anything. Good on ya, Jer! (even if I am conspiracy theorizing)

Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time commenter here. My work hours changed and I got to listen to George DiGianni's show for the very first time. He had on someone who might be the real-life Dr. Carlton Maxwell who was espousing a theory that if you stand on your left foot, your voice changes from when you switch to your right. George was having literally none of it and it was really funny how he was sticking it up that guy's rear end and telling him that he sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. Is DiGianni always that curt with guests? I'll hang up and listen, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Oh my GOD anon 10:14!! Is soccer talk THAT BAD?!! After listening to Corby talk about anything, I start....well...basically, I start having suicidal thoughts!!

Anonymous said...

Search hime on the Unticket and you'll pull up some archived radio of the radio bully. He doesn't have a lot of tolerance for banter and repartee. There are some great drops that have faded away mostly from overuse- "What about eggs," "Do some of the research on line" wasn't a guest, but still George having none of any debate.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one to get constant giggles out of Laureston Crocket's need to "call in for immediate air time!"

The lady last week who did a tech or health minute that always ended with her improv comedy "what's the deal with texting/Celiac disease/potty training?!? Amirite!" was a skit, right? No way it was real. (I know it was but who was in the recording booth giving her the thumbs up?)

Anonymous said...

Sausage Fest OWNED

Shaggy said...

During CQH Corby called out Mike for sitting on his ass all day and not participating in the show.

Anonymous said...

Check out how well sausage Fest did

Anonymous said...

Wow, another episode of Naive Bob.

First, BaD Radio tries to talk up outside interest/businesses (website) like Jub, Danny or Mike talk about their bar or bands and further illustrate that TC is a lazy SOB.

Now, Bob channeling his inner Norm/Austin Street Center.

Anonymous said...

No one here cares about Sausagefest, bro. Start your own FAN site. Or, waste your time here with FAN propaganda, whatevs.

Shaggy said...

It's not even an actual Fan event. It's just an event being put on that the Fan sponsored.

Anonymous said...'s an actual Fan event. Fan puts up the money and takes all the revenue as well as booked all the acts and sells the vendors, etc...seriously? how far will you go Shaggy?

pDub said...

Hey Confessors,

I know it's been addressed, but I feel like Junes with that pesky geriatric golfer on his heels.

The ads on the stream are the worst thing ever that's ever happened to me. Jennifer Wilde has the reputation of Hitler around here. How's that for a Godwin argument?

Whoever approved these ads is pretty much the same as Hitler.
Jennifer Wilde and her tech tips are the worst part. She's like the mutated spawn of Hints from Heloise and the ladies from Ladies B Trippin'.

The old lady doctor that gives a psa for old lady incontinence that tells us that old ladies that only eat tea and toast is bad for their urine, that one ain't good either.

The other really sinister parts of these ads are the country music bios with the most impossibly generic anecdotes. "Eric Church changes diapers on a tour bus, and Blake Shelton calls bacardi and Sprite a Blakearita." It doesn't even have tequila. Some other doosh changed his named form John to Josh when he moved to Nashville. Another spare married his wife.... but only after he asked and received her father's permission first!

Look, I get it. Gotta pay bills, but just about anything else would be better. I super cereal miss Bart Reagor, Sweet Jack, the guy who's all his teeth fell out, the Gangum Style Ticketstock song......

I generally dislike and sub-consciously tune out most advertising the best that I can. I hate ads. Regular ads in general are the bane of my existence. But these ads on the stream are purely grading, distracting, and unbelievably offensive.

Thanks for letting me rant. You guys are the only ones who get it. Even the Hitler part. I haven't had an HSO of this negative intensity... maybe ever.

This aggression will not stand.

cactusflinthead said...

How hard does it have to be to sell some time on the Ticket? Maybe somebody can clue the rest of us in. If Roeger-Dykes can irritate the hell out of us for a full buy surely somebody else out there can hawk roofing nails or Dale's Dead Bug or Chico's Bail Bonds.