Thursday, August 28, 2014


Sorry I've been away.  A few notes from recent morning showgrams:

(1)  I haven't heard George as prepared or animated as he was last week when Craig was gone and he went off on a very animated rant in the 5:30 segment on high school bands.  Good to hear George excited about something.  Wished he'd packaged for a later segment, it deserved a bigger audience.  Probably made the Top 10.

(2)  I'm liking Gordon's contractor talk as contractor Randy Cody.  George is jumping in with some funny contractor talk as well.  The gag range tends to be somewhat limited, but it's a good bit.

(3)  I don't know why I found it interesting that Grey Goose Vodka is sponsoring the Dunham & Miller Open.  It's not a station sponsor, that I recall.  I guess it's not all that interesting -- but I'd think that one of the major advertisers on the station would sponsor the thing.  Is it tense when D&M Auto Leasing or All-Pro Foundation Repair or whoever calls up Sales and says, "Welp, almost time for the Open, let's talk about this year's sponsorship" and the Sales chick says "Uh, we've already sold that sponsorship to Grey Goose," and the old sponsor says, "Hey, that's my spot, how much you getting from Grey Goose?" and she tells him and he hangs up violently, indignant over the ingratitude.

Yes, I know, I know, it doesn't happen that way.  Don't leave comments telling me how stupid I am.

There have been comments lately on the surprising lack of sponsorship on the online broadcast.  And once in awhile you hear an on-air segment being sponsored by Your Mama.  Doubt it has much meaning to The Ticket's overall health, but maybe one of our radio insiders knows the dope.

(4)  Fight Night tonight.  George remarked this morning that one doesn't hear fight broadcasts on the radio today.  Junior riposted:  "You won't hear it tonight, either -- it'll be just three hours of screaming."  Which is a criticism many Confessors have about that broadcast.  Very difficult to tell what's going on, who's winning, anything.

However:  The careful student of The Ticket should pay close attention to such broadcasts.  In the same way that Ticket Round Tables can be revealing of inter-host relationships that you don't get during the normal broadcast day, the Fight Night white elephant broadcast teams also disclose some tensions and discomforts that aren't revealed during the shows.  I may listen while the Cowboys game is on, see if anything pops up.

If you go, drop us a comment with a report.  If you hear something interesting on the broadcast, ditto.

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Comments are moderated.  
Don't waste your time with ad hominem attacks on Confessors or name-calling or especially impugning the intelligence, motives, or writing style of Your Plainsman.  (Actually, writing style criticisms might survive if the comment is otherwise acceptable.  Recent hate mail has not been.)   Watch the cussing.  Comments may be rejected for tone.

Monday, August 18, 2014

FROM THE ARCHIVES: A Gift for Some Lucky Host -- A Near-New Cowboys Theory

This article first appeared on February 11 of this year.  I thought it was an interesting theory -- within the well-known limitations of my sportsy knowledge -- but it didn't attract much interest among the Confessoriat and none elsewhere.  But as the season threatens to begin again, I trot it out one more time, fully prepared for another round of thunderous indifference:

This is a bit of a scam entry, because it's really just one of my tragically sportsy opinions disguised as something with an extremely attenuated Ticket connection. 

It is never a good thing when I dip my toe into sportness.

So you have been warned.

Yeah, so here is a sports opinion that I want to offer to any Ticket host who wants to adopt it.    No, really.  That fortunate host may have it free of charge, and the beauty part is that he, whoever he may turn out to be, may have it without giving this site any credit whatsoever.  No mention necessary.  Hey, what good would more readers do me?  I don't get a nickel from this if I have one hit a day or a million.

It's a Cowboys opinion.  I have not heard it previously opined.  If anyone has previously opined it, well, I thought of it first a long time ago, so that's my position on that there.

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No one thinks that Jerry's management of the Cowboys is competent.  This evening, I'm thinking particularly of his game of musical coaches, the difference between what Jerry's doing and musical chairs being that no one gets eliminated -- you just get more and more coaches.

But I don't think this is just aimless, random meddling.

I think Jerry knows exactly what he's doing. 

Now, this is not to say that what he's doing is good for the Cowboys.  But I think that Jerry believes that what he's doing is good for Jerry.

So here is my theory:

Jerry keeps adding coaches and layers of football-team management because it is a way for him to increase his influence over the coaching function and, ultimately, the locker room.

We all know that if he thought he could get away with it, he'd name himself head coach.  Instead, as we also know, he inserts himself in coaching matters.

Adding more coaches and layers of management enables him to meddle more, and more effectively (by his lights), in several ways:

First, the addition of each new coach that Jason Garrett had no role in selecting further dilutes the influence of that poor man. 

Second, each new non-Garrett coach gives Jerry someone new to call, someone who hasn't completely tuned him out and who feels some gratitude to him in the short run for giving him a job with one of the most famous sports franchises in the world, and who will report his views to the group.

Third, the more coaches in the room who listen to Jerry when he calls, the more his ideas, advice, scolding, whatever, get repeated in the room.

And, finally, and most importantly for his purposes, if he can get coaches fighting with each other over the direction of the team, the weaker and less certain that direction is and the more influence he will be called upon (by himself, but now with justification he's created by his machinations) to exercise  to "resolve" these disagreements.

Take the Callahan business.  He won't let Callahan interview for a job?  Why not?  Because it serves his purpose to have a disaffected and even angry Callahan on the staff, because it gives management -- Jerry -- the chance to step into the coaches' conclave to resolve matters and, oh, by the way, long as I'm here, why don't y'all emphasize the tight ends this week?

Of course, this is a terrible way to manage almost anything.  But it is entirely consistent with what we know about Jerry's scorching ambition to be a respected "football man."  What better way, in his toupee-warmed brain, than to divide and conquer his own coaching staff?

Who will be the first host to discover this jewel of Cowboys analysis and make it his own?

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Two for One Sale, and No Sales Tax: Speculation AND a Rant!

First of all, I'm sympathetic to the viewpoint that what a prominent person does in his or her personal life, up to a point, is his or her own business.  Where that point is depends on why the person is prominent, the particular private action involved, when it took place, whether it compromises the person's public activities, and other contextual variables.  This site generally avoids broadcasting stuff about the hosts that may come its way that is not in the public record.

The very different reactions of The Hardline and The Musers on the Jerry Jones photos is notable.  I'm referring here to the first segments done by those shows on the subject.  If they've gone into it more deeply since -- that is anything other than passing mentions -- I didn't hear it.

The Hardline crew was unanimously dismissive.  Their points:

       --  Jerry's philandering and alcohol-fueled carousing are well-known.  Actually, I hadn't known it, but a little scouting on the Internets suggests that it may indeed be the case that Jerry's a too-often-drunken poon hound, or at least has some history of it.

       --  Many men have arrangements with their wives that permits extramarital adventures; the wife "signs on," as it were, to this circumstance in return for whatever benefits she gets from the marriage.

       --  Nothing will come of this.  Nothing should come of it.

All of those points may be correct.  I am mildly skeptical, but only mildly.  I'll get to that in a moment.

The Musers mused a little more deeply on the matter.

       --  They noted that, at that point, not a single major media outlet had given the publication of the photos any play at all.

       --  They wondered what Roger Goodell thought of this.  I believe they made reference to Roger Goodell's dithering over what, if anything, to do about Jim Irsay.  (Nothing, yet, but he has commented on it.)

       --   They made passing reference, if I'm recalling correctly, to the possible effect on the Jones family.

As I said, the Hardline may be right that nothing will come of this.

But I think there is at least the possibility that something will.  I'm wondering if we'll hear from women's groups.  I'll bet Roger Goodell has at least made a phone call to Jerry.

But what I'm really wondering about is Gene.

True it may be that she knows what Jerry does when he goes out at night and travels to faraway places.  And true it may be that she's made the bargain the Hardline ascribes to women like her.

But the women who make those kinds of deals do so with the understanding that the tomcatting itself will remain private.  They do not sign on to be publicly humiliated, and that is what is happening to Gene Jones.

Which takes me back to those contextual circumstances I mentioned above.  What if Gene decided she'd had enough?    Independently prominent spouses like Hilary Clinton and Huma Abedin have hung on for their own craven political reasons (hell, Hillary told Huma to divorce the pathetic Anthony Weiner), but Silda Spitzer divorced Eliot's sorry hosebarge ass and got millions; on the Republican side, there's Ahhnold, quickly sent on his way by Maria Shriver.  Sports example?  Elin Nordegren Woods.

Texas is a community property state.   Property acquired by a spouse after marriage is, generally speaking, the property of both spouses.   I was speaking to a long-time well-informed observer of the Cowboys, and expressed the thought that surely Jerry had some kind of post-nuptial agreement with Gene that partitions their property in a way that would designate Cowboy-related assets as Jerry's separate property (i.e., his in the event of a divorce).  This guy said he doubted it (although he was in no way privy to the Joneses' estate planning).

So I speculate -- of course! -- on a possible course of events should the mortifying photos not go away and Gene's society buddies (who may themselves be Cowboy fans as disgusted at Jerry's incompetent management as by his injurious behavior) tell her to make her move.

My point:  While we're very uninformed about Jerry's financial planning and Gene's disposition, those photos do have the potential to influence the ownership of the Cowboys.  Even if Jerry has the Cowboys tied up, a divorce nevertheless might influence the team's operations.  Consider:  Jerry's net worth is estimated to be in the $3.1-3.2 billion range.  That includes the value of the Cowboys, which is estimated at $2.3 billion.  Would Gene have made a deal after all those years of marriage that didn't give her halvsies, even if it didn't include the Cowboys (purchased at the time for a measly $0.14 billion)?  (I have considered the possibility that these numbers are apples and oranges, as the net worth figure includes aggregate indebtedness but the Cowboys value figure may not.)  Is it possible that a divorce would have a negative impact on Jerry's ability to invest in the Cowboys?  If Gene walked off with the oil and gas, would the franchise throw off enough cash for Jerry to continue to flirt with the salary cap?

I have two answers for that:  (1) Probably, and (2) I have no idea.  And, of course, they may have a post-nuptial/partition agreement that would give Jean much, much less than half in the event of a divorce.

OK, I'm way off in cloud-cuckoo land, big surprise.  All I'm saying is that those pictures have the potential to do something that no mortal ever dreamed possible, and that is to shake up the management, if not the ownership, of this franchise.  Has this not even occurred to people in the sport reporting biz?  While I concede I'm speculating, are these scenarios so remote that they don't bear the slightest consideration?

Which leads me to my final point, which is:   The Musers started to make an excellent point when they noted how the MSM were running from the story like MSNBC from the IRS scandal.  The Hardline is going to be exactly right if this story dies, either because the Niffle does nothing, or news media do nothing.

I say:   Roger Goodell, you're terrific at bullying players.  Whatcha going to do about titgrabbing, crotchoffering, possible extortion target, so-drunk-he-allowed-himself-to-be-photographed Jerry Jones (and Jim Irsay, for that matter)?  I quote the Commish, speaking after fining Detroit Lions owner Tom Lewand $100,000 and suspending him for 30 days in 2010:  "You occupy a special position of responsibility and trust.  [T]hose who occupy leadership positions are held to a higher standard of conduct that exceeds what is ordinarily expected of players or member of the general public."  What's changed since 2010?

I also say:  Dale Hansen, how about showing some real courage, yes, courage even greater than required to support a gay player that the country is already largely rooting for?  How about calling out your pal Jonesy, who has mortified your city, disgusted Cowboy fans, and is in the process of revealing your own profession as a willing handmaiden to the AlDavisization of a once-great franchise.

So yeah: There's a real story here -- the corruption of the major sports media.   There's another one lurking:  a Jones family shakeup.   (We haven't yet considered the effects on future Cowboy ownership of a Stephen Jones divorce.)

You know, though:  The Hard Ones are probably right.  This story is going to die, and with it, any likelihood that Gene will kick Jerry's wizened glutes to the curb.  I'd just like to see someone do some digging, and think it through.

At least The Ticket is talking about it.  Here's your assignment:  Let us know what The Fan ("the station of YOUR Dallas Cowboys") had to say about this story.  [Also, please advise on Norm's and BaD's reaction.]

I'm FOS?  Sure, happens.  But my hypothetical isn't crazy, and The Musers share my bafflement, if not my disgust, at the supine sports media.  Those pictures are a disgrace, and I'd like to see someone claiming to be a reporter do some, you know, reporting.

I'll conclude by thanking you for shopping at My Ticket Confession, and remembering that comments are moderated.  (I've gotten some amusingly bilious ones lately.)

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CORRECTION:  Earliest editions of this post misspelled Mrs. Jones's name as "Jean."  Thanks to Confessor Anonymous for correcting my error.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Let's All Raise Our Breakfast Joe High in a Toast to Jeremy Moran

Michael Gruber is the acknowledged maestro of the drop.  He is the Jackson Pollock, the Picasso of their orchestration, cramming his shows that were his canvas with deadly snippets from remarks, farts, fights, robotics – you name it.

But if Michael was Pollock or Pablo, then Jeremy Moran is Paul Klee.  He draws on the white, uncluttered canvas of the Morning Musers.   He doesn't interlard the hosts' conversation with prerecorded hilarity at every turn – one might suspect Gordon wouldn't stand for that anyway – but when he does, it's choice, witty and to the point.

Why do I sing the praises of Jer today?

Well, partly because he checks in with this site from time to time and I'm pretty much in the tank for any Ticket guy who takes the time to share some information with the Confessors.

But partly also because of what may have been the best drop I've heard in several years from yesterday's Muser showgram.

Gordon was reciting the story of the viral video in which a couple of guys who seemed to be French enticed a squirrel to what appeared to be the edge of the Grand Canyon with a trail of food, and then kicked it off the ledge into the abyss.

Now that is not a funny story.  Nor, really, did the Musers treat it that way.

But then, with what must have been almost unbelievable adroitness at the board, we heard Jer string together:

     --  Some men speaking French in excited tones, followed immediately by
     --  A whoosh (kicking?) sound, followed immediately by
     --  A frightened, extended, squeak.

Followed by – silence.  Not the silence of a layout.  The silence of the Musers convulsing in breathless laughter.  No one was quite sure where the drops came from:  The French may have been some kind of altercation at the Tour de France.  The whoosh was probably a golf swing.  I don't recall any explanation for the terrified squeak.

It was the sheerest kind of Ticket greatness, issued in this case by the grossly undersung Jeremy Moran.  Ladies and gentlemen, raise your mugs, I pray you, to the Morning Master Who Is Big and Strong.