I Give My Leader the Benefit of the Doubt + Bonus STD on Drops

And that leader, you may recall, is Jeff Catlin, Program Director of KTCK (The Ticket) and Operations Manager for it, KESN, KLIF, KPLX, KLIF FM, WBAP, and KSCS (that is, Cumulus Dallas).

I think he is a pretty smart chap and has made some pretty smart decisions about The Ticket.

So I can only assume he has some reason -- a market study, perhaps; micro-ratings analysis; maybe getting a feel from his email; could even be sponsor feedback -- for countenancing what seems -- isn't, but seems -- to be nonstop talk on a number of the shows about cable/Amazon/Netflix dramatic presentations.

A day or so ago, it was The Musers with "The Push."  Today, I look forward to one of my rare tune-ins to BaD, and I hear Bob say that they were not able to properly finish their discussion of "The Push" in the prior segment(s?), and so they were going to trash the sports talk they had planned on the run sheet so they could talk about it some more.  Then, on The Hardline, E-news is all about that subject, then, following a single segment about Cowboys stuff (Dez Bryant absolutely, 100%, take it to the bank, absolutely no way, will renegotiate his deal), Corby announced they were going to discuss another Netflix show in the next segment.

Maybe the Confessor is interested in these things and the New World Catman has made another wise choice.  Maybe lots of P1's watch them and enjoy our lads' extensive and frequent discussion about these shows.  And the discussion itself -- hey, for all I know they may be television analysts of the most sublime perspicacity.  But, speaking here only for myself, I'm interested in none of it, and, to the extent I am, I am certainly not interested in the cascade of spoilers these guys sling.  I heard Corby say that viewership for these shows is plummeting and he once again assured listeners with absolute certainty that in 5 years there would be no Netflix, no Showtime, no HBO, so one wonders why a disproportionate slab of showgram time up and down the broadcast day is devoted to these presentations.

Now -- I invoke Jeff here, but in fact, I don't think he has much to do with the programming of individual segments on these shows.  He's not telling them to devote segments to TV/cable/internet dramatic programming.  His role, if there is one, is pretty much a negative one -- stop doing this, don't do that, clean up your tweets, throw some cold water on the social commentary.

Anyway, that's my STD (Scorching Ticket Disquisition) for the day.

"Corby said this show was the greatest in the history of human communication."

*     *     *

Wait, there's more.

What's this about The Ticket being ordered to -- erase? archive? stop using? -- certain, or a certain number of, or a certain volume of, drops?  Heard it mentioned a couple of times this afternoon, most notably by Mike R observing that a station like The Ticket, which basically carries some of Cumulus's less popular offerings, should be forced to cut back on drops for any reason.

I didn't get the impression that this was a programming move -- Jeff saying, per my suggestion above, "use a lot fewer drops."  Don't think that's what's happened, although could be in error about that.  I believe that for some reason, a large batch of Ticket drops are no longer available for use; D Mino suggested to that effect.   Mike, and I think Corby, both suggested that this was some kind of an economic move.  But how is that possible?  Digital storage costs approximately nothing (or am I wrong here, guys?).   Someone out there knows more about this.  Please advise in the comments, or drop me a line.

ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

@Plainsman1310

Let's All Raise Our Breakfast Joe High in a Toast to Jeremy Moran

Michael Gruber is the acknowledged maestro of the drop.  He is the Jackson Pollock, the Picasso of their orchestration, cramming his shows that were his canvas with deadly snippets from remarks, farts, fights, robotics – you name it.

But if Michael was Pollock or Pablo, then Jeremy Moran is Paul Klee.  He draws on the white, uncluttered canvas of the Morning Musers.   He doesn't interlard the hosts' conversation with prerecorded hilarity at every turn – one might suspect Gordon wouldn't stand for that anyway – but when he does, it's choice, witty and to the point.

Why do I sing the praises of Jer today?

Well, partly because he checks in with this site from time to time and I'm pretty much in the tank for any Ticket guy who takes the time to share some information with the Confessors.

But partly also because of what may have been the best drop I've heard in several years from yesterday's Muser showgram.

Gordon was reciting the story of the viral video in which a couple of guys who seemed to be French enticed a squirrel to what appeared to be the edge of the Grand Canyon with a trail of food, and then kicked it off the ledge into the abyss.

Now that is not a funny story.  Nor, really, did the Musers treat it that way.

But then, with what must have been almost unbelievable adroitness at the board, we heard Jer string together:

     --  Some men speaking French in excited tones, followed immediately by

     --  A whoosh (kicking?) sound, followed immediately by

     --  A frightened, extended, squeak.

Followed by – silence.  Not the silence of a layout.  The silence of the Musers convulsing in breathless laughter.  No one was quite sure where the drops came from:  The French may have been some kind of altercation at the Tour de France.  The whoosh was probably a golf swing.  I don't recall any explanation for the terrified squeak.

It was the sheerest kind of Ticket greatness, issued in this case by the grossly undersung Jeremy Moran.  Ladies and gentlemen, raise your mugs, I pray you, to the Morning Master Who Is Big and Strong.

It's a Muser Thursday

We haven't had a Muser column for a while, so here goes:

(1)   Craig believes that he could no-hit an average peewee league team of nine-year-olds. He has accepted a challenge to that effect, which he intends to perform as soon as he gets around to it sometime in the indefinite future. The notion is that he would be throwing adult-speed hardball pitches past, or at, these little intimidated weenie kids.

Maybe; maybe.  I happened to see a group of nine-year-olds playing league baseball a few weeks ago, and I could not believe how completely incompetent they were. I guarantee you, when I was nine years old, I could catch a hardball thrown to me.  We used to play something called "500" where one kid would throw the ball on the ground, on the line, or up in the air, and the one kid would either get or lose points for catching or muffing the ball. We would do this for hours, so we had some facility – not a lot, but some -- in fielding when we got to the diamond. These days, the only practice these kids get is in the leagues, and it's not enough.  They're terrible. It's not even cute, it's agonizing to watch.   

So the question I have for Junior is:   What happens in the case where a kid gets some wood on the ball, resulting in some kind of a fielding play?  Will incompetent fielding, even if it is not a booted ball, count as an error, keeping the no-hitter intact? This will happen most of the time, especially since a batted pitch thrown at high-speed will come off the bat faster than most peewee league hits.  It is entirely possible that a roller that a competent human would field will escape the infield completely innocent of any glove leather, which in the bigs would be a hit.

So I see two possible outcomes: either a sure loss for Junior in his challenge, or a run-hit-error line that looks something like 0-0-47.

Oh, by the way: make sure The Ticket's liability insurance is fully up to date in anticipation of the possibility that even from 40 feet away, Junior will plunk some kid in the melon.

(2)  I was very interested in George's discussion of how someone – in particular, a sports-talkshow host – can be a fan of a team, but still critical of certain aspects of it. He was responding to lamebrained correspondents who get all accusatory when they hear any negative talk about their favorite team.

Which, of course, made me think about My Ticket Confession. I have certainly done critical pieces in this space, and when I do I will frequently get exactly the same reaction: "You claim to be a big Ticket fan, but you seem to have a hard time with [whatever the topic happens to be]."  It's a dumb criticism for the same reason George points out. You can have a strong rooting interest in a team or radio show, but it's your very expertise on that subject that qualifies you to speak up when something isn't quite right to your way of thinking. As long as you have reasons and convey them in a civilized tone, you shouldn't have to defend yourself against charges of disloyalty.

This does sometimes affect what I publish. I am a big admirer of Gordon Keith, but I heard something of his back a few months ago that I really, really disliked, and I wrote an article about it.  Strongly negative.  But I never ran it because I felt that it would leave the impression that I had a big problem with Gordon generally, and that would have been a false impression.  I suppose the unsatisfactory solution is to load up a piece like that with disclaimers, but that looks insincere if the real purpose of your piece is to smack someone around.  So it's in the MTC boneyard.

(The fact that this site is anonymous also sometimes inhibits some of my more incendiary STDs.  Especially as this site has come more popular, I'm sensitive to the unfairness of taking potshots at Ticket guys from the bunker of anonymity.)

This is the actual photograph promoting a Musers appearance at
the Grenada.  But it actually works, because
when I think Musers, I think "comical breast enhancement."
http://granadatheater.com/category/americana/

(3)  CONFIDENTIAL TO GORDON KEITH [this is not the article I was talking about]:  Consider abandoning your irrational terror of creating drops. You select numerous sex-related news stories for your broadcast, but stop so frequently to shift into a disguised-and-sometimes-incomprehensible voice to say the naughty words that Muse in the News is starting to sound like one long hiccup. Even Craig had had enough this morning. You had paused over the story about the dispatcher who threw up some ill-considered phrases on her Facebook page to say "I'm not quite sure how to say this," and The Joonz snapped at you with what sounded like sincere impatience:  "You're a newsman – just read the story." 

Kind of have to agree with that.  Sorry!  Sorry!

ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

@Plainsman1310

EXCERPT: Cumulus Operating Manual, Volume Eleven, Chapter 7, Article IV, Paragraph 79

"79.  STAGED DROPS BY A CROWD.

"Drops artificially created by a crowd being directed by a host can be very effective and amusing.  They reinforce the idea of a 'station community' and remind listeners of the enthusiasm of other listeners for the station and its programs.  Hosts should 'be on the lookout' for opportunities to create such drops.  Likely opportunities may arise at remote broadcasts, station-sponsored gatherings, and even station-sponsored sporting events.  For maximum effectiveness, please observe the following procedures:

"(a) Keep the proposed language or reaction (laughing, yelling) simple.  Make sure that the crowd can be heard through the open mics at the particular function.  If possible, involve the entire group within mic range so that extraneous signal will not spoil the drop. 

"(b)  Don't laugh over the drop."

Corby Issues the Line of the Year (So Far)

On Tuesday, Corby let loose with a sentence so perfect, so hilarious, that its slight vulgarity may be completely excused. The gents were discussing “Dancing with the Stars,” and Corby had called to Mike’s attention that Mike’s reputed lust-destination Pamela Anderson was among the contestants. Mike grunted dismissively, Corby and Danny abused him roundly for his faithlessness, and then Corby said, deliberately and with great conviction:

“You cannot turn your back on the ass of yesterday.”

The way he said it, with such utter gravity and sincerity, it would not have sounded out of place in the Gettysburg Address. His remark passed without comment, because the next thing he said was what he imagined Reggie Bush said to Kim Kardashian upon his departure, which was also amusing, and which got marked, but which I cannot recall verbatim. You’ll hear it again, Confessors, in fully-mastered drop form, of that you may be certain.

But I ask you to consider the perfection of Corby’s locution. It would not have been as funny if Corby had said:

       "You can’t turn your back on the ass of yesterday”

Or:

       “You cannot turn your back on yesterday’s ass”

Or:

       “You can’t turn your back on yesterday’s ass.”

No, by omitting contractions and using the construction “ass of yesterday,” he made it worthy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. It even makes a good poem:

       You cannot
       Turn your back
       On the ass of yesterday.

Now there’s a drop for you.