Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Corby Issues the Line of the Year (So Far)

On Tuesday, Corby let loose with a sentence so perfect, so hilarious, that its slight vulgarity may be completely excused. The gents were discussing “Dancing with the Stars,” and Corby had called to Mike’s attention that Mike’s reputed lust-destination Pamela Anderson was among the contestants. Mike grunted dismissively, Corby and Danny abused him roundly for his faithlessness, and then Corby said, deliberately and with great conviction:

“You cannot turn your back on the ass of yesterday.”

The way he said it, with such utter gravity and sincerity, it would not have sounded out of place in the Gettysburg Address. His remark passed without comment, because the next thing he said was what he imagined Reggie Bush said to Kim Kardashian upon his departure, which was also amusing, and which got marked, but which I cannot recall verbatim. You’ll hear it again, Confessors, in fully-mastered drop form, of that you may be certain.

But I ask you to consider the perfection of Corby’s locution. It would not have been as funny if Corby had said:

       "You can’t turn your back on the ass of yesterday”

Or:

       “You cannot turn your back on yesterday’s ass”

Or:

       “You can’t turn your back on yesterday’s ass.”

No, by omitting contractions and using the construction “ass of yesterday,” he made it worthy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. It even makes a good poem:

       You cannot
       Turn your back
       On the ass of yesterday.

Now there’s a drop for you.

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