Monday, April 23, 2018

FROM THE ARCHIVES: CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM TO: That Certain Commander


I think Gordon is writing a book.  In fact, I hope he is.  I would buy it.  More, I would read it.  Despite what you will read in this post, he is a big favorite of this site.

I think this because in recent months, he has fallen back on one of the least engaging segment-burn techniques the Musers haul out from time to time:  baiting George Dunham.  Not finding fresh stuff upon which to turn his talents, but instead digging up sex stories unworthy of his observational talents and torturing George.

For quite some time, the baiting nearly stopped.  Lately, it has returned.

I mention this today because I experienced a personal record this morning, punching out at 5:45 a.m. at "free bleeders" talk.   This wasn't strictly a Gordon-baiting-George segment, since George brought it up in reference to texts Gordon had sent him over the weekend which he hadn't read but which he invited Gordon to elaborate on first thing this fine Monday.  Error.

In fact, this column is about George's complicity in this punch-out fodder.

I was startled to see that this column was from June 2010. 

The redhead is new.

Here it is:

*     *     *

I'm not the only one who reaches for the dial when Gordon baits George.  I hear from the very Sweetest of the Clean that they join me in finding Gordon's near-constant baiting of George tiresome and unamusing.   It usually takes the form of attributing to George racist-sexist-antigay-stupid off-air statements that he did not make or positions that he does not hold and that, in fact, no rational person would.   Its stale; it's overfrequent; and, unlike some repeated Ticket gags, not funny.  Alas, Gordon, in most of his ventures a very great favorite of My Ticket Confession, has not sought Your Plainsman's advice on this topic, so the baiting goes on.


Copyright The UnTicket.com
Used without permission.

Here's an example.  April 9.  I wrote it down, although the following quotes are inexact.  Gordon is talking about a jewelry heist by a gang of Hispanic individuals. 

GORDON:  "George thought the guys were probably caught when they were found in a nearby park taking a siesta with big sombreros pulled down over their faces."

GEORGE:  "I never said that."

There are two things to notice about this (and the same analysis could be made of almost every single other instance of baiting).  One obvious, one less obvious.

First:  We'll put aside the fact that it's Gordon that is making the offensive racial stereotype references.   The problem is that it isn't amusing.  It isn't witty.  It isn't clever.  It isn't even aurally interesting.  It is just a lie told about George at the expense of Mexicans.  It's dumb.   And -- how about this? -- it brings the story he is actually telling to a complete stop.   So -- not quality broadcasting.

Second:  George reacts.   He does so every time.  He does it almost the same way every time.  That is, he denies what is obviously false.  Sometimes he switches it up and says "That's what you say," or in some other way feebly attempts to attribute the slander to Gordon.  Whatever he says -- he rises to the bait and hits it

Now, perhaps I'm overreacting here.  Perhaps The P1 Nation finds the George-baiting to be can't-miss radio.   For those of you who, like me, find it to be show-killing filler, you will be pleased to know that I have hit upon the solution to this metastasizing anti-comedy.  

I came to understand that in ranting against Gordon I was attacking the part of the problem least likely to yield to my subtle and informed critique.  I now see that the proper solution is not to attempt to affect the supply (that is, Gordon, the incorrigible provider of aggravation) but rather the demand (George, its hapless consumer). 

Here's how you stop it:

George:  Lay out.

When Gordon claims that you have said or believe some stupid thing, just sit there.  Let the bait sink past you, straight to the bottom, while Gordon sits on the showgram shoreline, stalk of alfalfa sticking out of his mouth, waiting for you to chomp down on the lure.   Stop the dull game by swimming away.  Not one word.  If he persists -- not one word.  Let Gordon's flop sweat fill the studio.

Comedians who don't get a reaction to a joke cycle it out of their routine.  Time for this one to suffer that fate.  You'll thank me.  The Sweet Clean Nation will thank you. 

Who says this site isn't on the cutting edge of sophisticated Ticket commentary?

"I say it."

76 comments:

  1. I agree that George still takes the bait, but my observation recently is that on Gordon's segments you hear a lot more interaction with Craig and George's participation is entering Mike Rhyner territory. George is my candidate for being the first to call it quits.

    Am I wrong, guys?

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  2. Anon 10:46: 100% correct

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  3. Bring me Southern kisses from your roomApril 23, 2018 at 4:55 PM

    I agree with you about George being the first Musketeer to leave. If I had to put money on it, he'd be my man. I do disagree with 1046's Mike comp. He's in a no-win situation nearly every time he opens his mouth during a Gordo segment. More so when he's being addressed by Gordo, which is nearly every Gordo segment that isn't about something actually important to Gordo. I can't say I blame George for clamming up. MIke, on the other hand, is more than happy to let Corby and now Danny, as well, do all the work. All the while he's busy thinking about (fill in the tribute band) gigs. It's only when he's saddled with a fill in host that he feels the need to actually, how's a good way to put it, oh yeah, work.

    Plainsman, why do you see a correlation between an uptick in George baiting and the penning of a book? I don't follow. Frankly, it doesn't follow, at all. Perhaps you could explain your reasoning?

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  4. @Bring 455: I should have been less obscure. I think he's writing a book (kidding here) because he's fallen back on a lazy segment-burn instead of dazzling us with his characteristically creative and enjoyable table-talk. That is -- time and brain-calories spent thinking up cool Ticket stuff being spent on his literary efforts.

    I don't really think he's writing a book (although I hope he is, and he surely will someday), but I do think the George-bait is more than low-hanging fruit, it's fruit that's fallen to the ground and all he has to do is bend over.

    Wonder what Corby would have to say about Steve Forbert (did I spell that right)?

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  5. I'd guess Bob or Craig departing before George.

    Not that I have the slightest info about either one.

    I used to keep track of contract expiration/renewal dates, but I've lost track. Anyone know?

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  6. I would bet that the first tier one ticket host will leave because of ownership at the station wants to make the payroll look better and it will not be a host decision.

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  7. Maybe, 702, but if so -- that would tend to suggest that the first host to leave will be a drive-time host, as they make the biggest bucks. If the decision is purely financially motivated. (Of course, they bring in the most ad revenue, too.)

    I'm guessing it will not be a station decision unless, maybe, they get tired of someone's act (see Dez). Who might that be? It will not be a Muser under that theory, because it's so incredibly solid. Any other host a thorn in the CTO's side? Maybe The Old Grey Founder, Mike, who probably pays not the slightest attention to management edicts and doesn't always show extreme interest in the showgram? Dan, because of his Dan-like behavior? I don't know, I don't see anyone upsetting the Ticket ratings/ad revenue applecart. Corby, ditto? Donovan's safe, he just fits in everywhere they put him. Norm -- no, they'll wait him out.

    No, I think it will be a voluntary nonrenewal by a Bob, headed to greener national pastures, or Junior, headed to greener mountain bike trails. I hope both hang around for a long time. Mike and Dan and Corby too, for that matter.

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  8. I don't know what Norm makes, but I bet it is the most "out of alignment" relative to other hosts, meaning closer to drive time than anyone else.

    As for Gordon, I always thought that if he cornered me at a remote and started asking me uncomfortable questions repeatedly, I would start firing personal questions back at him. I have always been curious how he'd respond.

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  9. I think overwhelmingly Bob would be the most likely to leave in the next year or two. If you expand to 5 to 10 year time frame then I would bet the turnover would be 75% of the group. Couple possibilities:
    - Dont underestimate Bob moving to the front office of an NFL team should Troy Aikman become a GM
    - Bob going National
    - George leaving for Information Director or AD at UNT. Would be able to sleep in
    - Craig often talks about how he has been thinking about retirement since very young. Bet he has more hey in the barn than almost anyone and could retire to enjoy himself or do occasional guest hosting spots. Ticket Host Emeritus of sorts
    - Norm - just plain old age
    - Rhynes - just plain disinterest and of retirement age

    In my mind, Corby, Danny, Donny, Dan would all have to be dragged out kicking and screaming as i see no other options for them that would be as good as what they currently have.


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  10. I don't know what the pay differential would be, but I could see Corby easily fitting in to one of the local morning TV shows. A way to maximize his celebrity jock-sniffing skills. Was his stint at Good Morning Texas (woodsonrun.com) a one and done or a failed trial balloon?

    The hours would probably be a problem for him.

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  11. Prediction this will be the last time that Norm does the NFL draft in person (at least one paid for by the station).

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  12. From what Jake was saying today, it doesn't appear there's going to be a designated area for Norm to do his coverage. Since it's here in Dallas this year, I guess it doesn't matter. But customer service Norm likes to be treated in a certain fashion. Not having a special place to do his draft coverage, and in his home town, well, that might make Mt. St. Hitzges erupt.

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  13. Question for Confessor baseball-scoring buffs:

    I'm watching the game tonight. Guy hits a long fly to right field. Mazara makes a leaping stab at the ball. It hits right in the center of his mitt, then squirts out of the top of the mitt at the webbing and over the fence.

    Scored a home run.

    Granted he had to jump up to catch it, tough chance, but he'd judged it correctly and had the ball entirely within his mitt.

    Could that have been scored a four-base error -- not a home run, or even a hit? Should it have been?

    Thanks in advance.

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  14. It seems like Corby did a bit on TV quite a few years back and it wasn't very good. I certainly see Bob Sturm leaving for greener pastures.

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  15. ...btw, I see Danny catching on somewhere should that arise... and Dan too with the right setup.

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  16. PMan-

    The way I saw it he was not able to hold onto the ball because his arm reacted to hitting the wall. Ultimately it was a hit ball that he could not field. But I don't know what the rule book says specifically.

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  17. Adding on -

    The play we were discussing was when Choo slid into first at an odd angle to avoid a tag and ended up on the second base side of first. Some thought that he should have been tagged out.

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  18. Error or homerun.....I think the general rule of thumb is that if a player leaves his feet then it's very rarely ruled an error. Kind of like you never see a fielder charged with an error if he tries to make a diving catch.

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  19. I tend to be a Corby apologist and generally enjoy his humor and pterodactyl laugh which is one of the enduring trademarks of a funny stop down moment on the ticket but I was almost appalled by his dismissive attitude at ESPN labeling Baker Mayfield as a potential "Character Guy" Corby was incredulous how his beloved Sooner QB could be characterized as such. Never mind the overt poor sportsmanship frequently exhibited by him or trying to run from cops or general Bro attitude, Corby is absolutely certain he is a squared away guy. Perhaps he is but wouldn't be surprised if Corby eats crow with potential future Baker character issues.

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  20. Heard Corbaly mention that he doesn’t give a damn about Fleetwood Mac. Right, until one of them comes on the show, a la Don Henley. And quit saying Fleetwood Mac was the first to charge high ticket prices. The Stones might have something to say about that. And obviously Mike Campbell has money - Rolling Stone interviewed him at his home in Maui. God, you take the magazine. Do the research.

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  21. Well, you have to believe Corby, after all, they are the music show of the Ticket.

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  22. PMan: The scorekeeper will call it an error if it's not catchable with normal effort.

    8:23: It's a myth that a runner can get tagged out if he runs past 1B on the 2B side of the base. The rule states that you can only tag him if he looks like he's trying to run toward 2B, whether actually trying to or faking it. If he simply runs through or slides through the base with no hint of an attempt at second, he cannot be tagged out.

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  23. James: ?? Are you sure you didn't mean the opposite? Will NOT call it an error if it's not catchable with normal effort? The ball hit to Mazara was not catchable with normal effort and was not called an error. I assume you would say they scored that correctly as a home run, right? Makes sense that way.

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  24. Rhyner sitting in with Norm today because of an early PT show this evening. Quite entertaining and would have been more so if it wasn't draft day.
    Hope we get to hear more of these two after they have been in their cups at the Campound.

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  25. I heard the first segment or two and the last segment or two of the Norm show with Mike Rhyner. I heard very little of Mike Rhyner, but perhaps he was more prominent in the middle segments. Did he helm any segments or say stuff?

    I suppose I should know what Donovan is doing, but I don't. Where's he?

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  26. Donnie Loves is in Jamaica. Seeing how the draft dates are set in stone years in advance, and seeing how Donnie Loves has positioned himself as a draft guy over the past few years, you'd think scheduling a vacay during this time would not just be frowned upping not denied by Cat, but also would be a stupid career move.

    Mike was fantastic with Norm. Mike's fantastic with ANY partner sans Corby. And frankly, Corby's pretty darn good with any partner sans Mike. Which tells me that it's neither Disinterested Mike nor Hyperbolic Feat Daddy Corby that makes THL a mostly shoddy showgram. Rather, it's the pairing. They aren't a good team.

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  27. surly (formerly shaggy)April 26, 2018 at 1:19 PM

    Junes is out tomorrow and Monday too

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  28. 1:10 you are only talking about 1 off's with Mike and Corby. Yeah they are better with someone else for a short period of time but it is this reporters belief that each would fall back into who they are after a short while of being paired with somebody else.

    Tigers don't change their stripes, especially old ones.

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  29. James -

    The reason it was a topic of conversation was because nobody could remember seeing a runner come to rest on that side of the bag.

    Of course "looks like" is a judgement call by the umpire.

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  30. Whoever is running the sports day App is missing entire minutes of draft coverage as commercials run on. Thanks, guys. Awesome.

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  31. Topic:

    Junior Miller: Municipal treasure, regional treasure, national treasure, or solar system treasure?

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  32. Been listening to the ticket and the fan all spring, not ONCE did I hear about the cowboys first draft pick. Did I miss it? What is the disconnect here between sports talk people and actual sports happenings?

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  33. Heard all the picks in time via terrestrial radio 1310 am. You guys and your intraweb listening....

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  34. surly (formerly shaggy)April 27, 2018 at 8:07 AM

    1310 and 967FM doesn't quite reach as far as Austin

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  35. doesn't...don't...you know what I mean

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  36. Hey 1:10 PM - In response to you thinking Donovan going on vacation during the draft is a "stupid career move", what about Junes and Dan who are both out today as well? You think it's a stupid move for them as well?

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  37. Neither of them have spent the past handful of years on The Cowboys postgame show and as an up and coming draft expert, etc...learning from the master, Norm. So, to answer your question which came from a rather un-reflective response, no. In fact: non sequitur, my friend.

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  38. Plainsman: You are correct. I meant that a normal or routine effort is what determines an error.

    Anon: 5;10: the point was that simply being on the left side of the bag isn't enough. The rule uses the word "feigns" which means they attempt to run to first or pretend to do so. Yes, that's a judgement call, but Shoo's landing on the left side clearly doesn't fall into that category in anyone's judgment. I mentioned it because there's a widely-held, but incorrect, belief that even one accidental step to the inside of the 1B line will make you eligible to get tagged out.

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  39. Hey, Confessor Draftologists:

    Is Johnny Manziel draft-eligible?

    Of course, why would you draft him if you could sign him? Unless someone else wanted him.

    Never mind, sorry, not thinking.

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  40. Wat

    No, Manziel was already drafted and played in the NFL.

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  41. Woodford Reserve Campound next week. Let's discuss.
    1) First I bet it will be at Lloyd Park for the 4th year in a row.
    2) Deep night Ticket is typically a fun listen.
    3) I think the Commander always shines at these things. He stays up late and participates in festivities unlike Jr whom always seems to have to get his sleep.

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  42. Anon 3:40

    With the passing of his leader, Art Bell, I'm hoping for great things from Jr.
    I would love for Mike and Norm to hold court for awhile one night after Norm starts his second bottle of wine.
    I would also like to hear Mike spin some tunes and talk music from his days at KZEW. For those who were not around then, the KZEW/Q102/KAFM-KZPS/KNUS ratings war put today's sports station competition to shame.
    Drunk Snake and Donnie.

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  43. Anyone know why the podcasts aren’t being updated for the Little One? WTDS gets updated, but nothing on the 1310 one for a while (except for BAD Radio weekly). Just wondering.

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  44. @9:18

    Maybe a job traditionally performed by interns? I don't know.

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  45. I hope we get a lot less of late night phone calls from V1s. That's become a total beating the last few years

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  46. Did the Hardline really need an hour to talk about the Warstic baseball game? The Musers would have only needed the 8:15 segment.

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  47. anon 6:23 PM....did you honestly not know a Jack White/ Corby beat down was not coming?! I tuned out.

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  48. The Jack White baseball game was such heavy lifting of a segment that they even needed to bring in Mike Siroise. To borrow an expression from Rhynes - They had enough talk about the baseball game to stun a Mastodon.

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  49. Junior spent one segment on his bike race which lasted a weekend. Corby needed an hour because it keep him from having to do show prep.

    When asked how Junior did in the race he said that he and his friends had fun and did alright.

    There were 3 races, he finished: 4th, 5th, 1st and then 3rd overall for the weekend for his age group.

    They are 2 different kind of people. My vote is for Junior.

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  50. One was an official Ticket event with many P1s in attendance. One was not.

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  51. Yet the amount of content in both was about the same......... it just took 3 more segments because of all the superlatives used.

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  52. I am as fed up with Corby as anyone on here (well, almost anyone). But, I must say I enjoyed the segments on the baseball game. I wanted to be there, but couldn't, so the extended description made me regret less that I wasn't there.

    But most of the time I punch out on Corby. Especially when he hits anything current events-related.

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  53. 9:18, I had the same issue but it appears to be fixed now. The Sportsday app sent out an update to address the problem, so just make sure your app is updated.

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  54. Anybody else hate the Carl’s Jr commercial!?!? Good Gawd! It makes my ear holes bleed!

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  55. Maybe he's going back these lower-brow bits because P1s throw a goddamn fit every time he talks about like politics, the Federal Government, or anything remotely related to Trump.

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  56. Yeah, because Gordo's MO is to do what others want him to do. Take your partisan hack ideology somewhere else, chief.

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  57. The back-bending around Scientology over the past few days on the Musers has been impressive.

    I understand that The Ticket is a money-making enterprise, I just question the wisdom of taking money from an org like Scientology that has such a reputation.

    Still love The Ticket though.

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  58. I gotta admit that I am singing the Carl's Jr. spot in my head for a while every time I hear it. Kinda like it......

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  59. @Anon May 2, 2018 at 11:05 PM
    The Musers' political talk in the year leading up and following the election was second to none. We could probably count on one hand the number of radio shows in the country who analyzed that scene the way the Musers did. But none of the partisan P1s could handle it: No matter how objectively the Musers discussed things, every P1 with a tilt any which way took offense and assaulted them twitter. I think they got tired of it and backed off, so we're back to Gordo making Jub uncomfortable with breastmilk and period news.

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  60. Agree 11:05

    As a radical centrist I can sit in my perch and take potshots at both the left and the right.

    The right claims continuously that people on the left are snowflakes but I cant tell you how thin skinned and intolerant the right is. Snowflakes abound on both sides

    As for the left - heaven forbid someone that was perceived to be a liberal makes a comment that is somewhat non-left. They are taken to the cliff and thrown off the edge.

    It is hard being a centrist - idiots all around me.

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  61. OWG sitting in with George this morning because of an early PT gig.

    Is band taking priority over the show?

    (Disclaimer: George/Mike is a treat for the listener)

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  62. Geez, get over yourself Radical Centrist. And stop commenting on your own comments. Yeah, it's that obvious.

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  63. That Carl's Jr. Memphis burger spot is KILLING ME! The worst! And it's relentless.

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  64. Hate to see JWitt go, but I'm not gonna miss the show, and I'm sure not gonna miss the theme song.

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  65. Yes, 551am, it's "chief." If you're going to snark, at least do it with aplomb. And you might begin by consulting a dictionary before making fun of something that is properly spelled.

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  66. Jason Witten seems like a super guy in every way, but I will not miss his show either. I hope he is more entertaining on his new gig. I didn't think Romo would be good in his new career but I was wrong about that.

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  67. Slinky,

    What makes you think Jason wont still do the show with BaD radio? Did they say that? I ask that because that hasnt stopped Troy from being on weekly with the Musers for the past decade or so

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  68. I guess it depends on his ESPN contract. Would make sense that ESPN would want him to do a show on 103.3

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  69. Great point Anon 1:09

    I wonder how it works with Troy since he is on Fox and there is a Fox Sports Network which he could also be on instead???

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  70. Did the live stream catch what was dumped at the end of WTDS?

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  71. Dan told Jake to shut the fuck up

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  72. Junior tweets that Coast to Coast will be some time Thursday night.

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  73. Why did Dan say that?

    Can't wait for Joonz CTC.

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  74. You can listen to it on Bob and Dan's website

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