Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A Gift for Some Lucky Host

This is a bit of a scam entry, because it's really just one of my tragically sportsy opinions disguised as something with an extremely attenuated Ticket connection.

It is never a good thing when I dip my toe into sportness.

So you have been warned.

Yeah, so here is a sports opinion that I want to offer to any Ticket host who wants to adopt it.    No, really.  That fortunate host may have it free of charge, and the beauty part is that he, whoever he may turn out to be, may have it without giving this site any credit whatsoever.  No mention necessary.  Hey, what good would more readers do me?  I don't get a nickel from this if I have one hit a day or a million.

It's a Cowboys opinion.  I have not heard it previously opined.  If anyone has previously opined it, well, I thought of it first a long time ago, so that's my position on that there.

*     *     *

No one thinks that Jerry's management of the Cowboys is competent.  This evening, I'm thinking particularly of his game of musical coaches, the difference between what Jerry's doing and musical chairs being that no one gets eliminated -- you just get more and more coaches.

But I don't think this is just aimless, random meddling.

I think Jerry knows exactly what he's doing.

Now, this is not to say that what he's doing is good for the Cowboys.  But I think that Jerry believes that what he's doing is good for Jerry.

So here is my theory:

Jerry keeps adding coaches and layers of football-team management because it is a way for him to increase his influence over the coaching function and, ultimately, the locker room.

We all know that if he thought he could get away with it, he'd name himself head coach.  Instead, as we also know, he inserts himself in coaching matters.

Adding more coaches and layers of management enables him to meddle more, and more effectively (by his lights), in several ways:

First, the addition of each new coach that Jason Garrett had no role in selecting further dilutes the influence of that poor man.

Second, each new non-Garrett coach gives Jerry someone new to call, someone who hasn't completely tuned him out and who feels some gratitude to him in the short run for giving him a job with one of the most famous sports franchises in the world, and who will report his views to the group.

Third, the more coaches in the room who listen to Jerry when he calls, the more his ideas, advice, scolding, whatever, get repeated in the room.

And, finally, and most importantly for his purposes, if he can get coaches fighting with each other over the direction of the team, the weaker and less certain that direction is and the more influence he will be called upon (by himself, but now with justification he's created by his machinations) to exercise  to "resolve" these disagreements.

Take the Callahan business.  He won't let Callahan interview for a job?  Why not?  Because it serves his purpose to have a disaffected and even angry Callahan on the staff, because it gives management -- Jerry -- the chance to step into the coaches' conclave to resolve matters and, oh, by the way, long as I'm here, why don't y'all emphasize the tight ends this week?

Of course, this is a terrible way to manage almost anything.  But it is entirely consistent with what we know about Jerry's scorching ambition to be a respected "football man."  What better way, in his toupee-warmed brain, than to divide and conquer his own coaching staff?

Who will be the first host to discover this jewel of Cowboys analysis and make it his own?



The Plainsman said...

We seem to have many new Confessors dropping by lately, so I'll remind all that comments do not need to relate to the post.

The site is becoming much better known for its Confessors than for its host. The host heartily approves of this trend. We get news, opinions, reminiscences, all kinds of things to take off on.

Have at it, friends.

Anonymous Ron said...

So do the Musers get Michael Lombardi back?

Anonymous said...

There is probably something to your theory (insert robot Greggo drop here) P-man. Hark back to the days when Dieon Sanders was on the team. If the coach ever made a decision that he didn't like or another player didn't approve of, Sanders was often quoted as saying "come on, let's go talk with Jerry." ...and Jerry allowed and encouraged that kind of behavior. Not only is that a coach killer, it also fractures a team.

birq said...

I'll just stroll straight past the post itself and go directly to picture. I'm a fan of the pictures you normally post -- the ones that are irrelevant to the article and pleasing to the eye -- but the glaring ginger robot is one of the most relevant, telling photos in the history of photography. It captures the entire world's "WTF, Jerry?" sentiment perfectly.

I think you're trying to rationalize the moves of someone irrational. Jerry is a great businessman in many ways, but he's completely off his rocker. He's a sweatsuit and gold chain away from Al Davis-ing all over this thing. I don't think he knows what the hell he's doing anymore. I think even Jerry is thinking "WTF, Jerry?".

Shaggy said...

I'm with Birq.

The Plainsman said...

Thanks for mentioning the picture. I do try to fit the photo to the post, and I looked through hundreds of Jerry/Jason pics before selecting that one.

Jerry is delusional about what's best for the Cowboys, but I absolutely think he has a Jerry-friendly rationale for what he does. His moves are not random like an off/rocker owner would do. His motives are well known and have been since well before his faculties started to be questioned: Jerry has wanted to run that locker room since he owned the team, he's ached for respect as a football man, but since he can't direct matters from the sidelines he's attempting to insinuate himself in coaching in other ways. Strong coaches don't last (Jimmy, Parcells, and remember that ten minutes (almost literally) that Dan Reeves spent in Dallas as an advisor?). Once they have success or seem to be getting a grip, they're gone and replaced by weak or passive coaches that will not dominate the staff and team, and Jerry parts with them only when their deficiencies become so apparent that embarrassment penetrates even Jerry's oddly folded flesh. No, I think he promotes strife and mediocrity among the coaches so he "must" intervene, or at least his own voice stands out more clearly.

With, of course, all respect to the faithful birq and Shaggy.

Shaggy said...

I have to get this pet peeve off my chest regarding Bob. He's my leader, but I CAN'T STAND the way he pronounces the plural of words that rhyme with life.

Instead of "lives", he will say "lifes". Instead of "wives", he says "wifes".


Still--I love you, Bob.

blergoyen said...

Jones has surpassed Al Davis. Davis didn't go as long without a Division championship or a Super Bowl appearance. Davis didn't have the strongest brand name in the league. The statement should be reversed as such,"Al Davis was a Jerry Jones starter-kit." Jones is worse. He took the greatest sports franchise in the nation and turned it into a joke. It's not the Cowboys anymore, it's the Jerry Jones bizarro cartoon circus. He's more proud of the stadium he duped Arlington into hosting than he is the team. If you could hear inside his head, you'd hear an accordion playing two off-pitch notes over and over. Can't wait 'til he gone.

Markus said...

Longtime reader, couple time Confessor, here. Since Plainsman is encouraging off-topic stuff, I'll have a go.

Is the "Little" Ticket shtick just a shtick?

I just heard the station commercial a few minutes ago about how "...we have the same marketing budget as we had 20 years ago...". They're always making sure to mention how poor the station/arm is, their equipment, studios, budget, etc. I get that it's part of their identity.

But is it all just an act, to remain with their populist, everyman roots?

I used to work for a relatively well known company/brand. While it became hugely profitable, successful and made the big boys all very wealthy, the corporate mantra was still "we are small"; it was smart and people bought in to it.

I also had heard through rumor what Greggo and Mike were making with The Hardline back around 2001 or so. If the amount was anywhere near true, then it would be hard to believe they were the "Little" Ticket for long.

Of course, over last 10 years radio is perhaps a medium that has taken a huge hit with volume, revenues and market share. I don't know, maybe some of you radio insiders know more.

Shaggy said...

Well look at the disaster the engineering and equipment has been over the last few years. Those were real issues for sure.

I assume you mean Greggo and Mike (and we assume The Musers too) were making in the $600,000 or so range? That was the figure Greggo threw out after the S hit the fan. I always assumed that was accurate, if not low.

birq said...

I assumed the "over half a million" figure was Greggo BS. I could believe 100-200K but that sounded way high to me. Then again, I don't know nothing about nothing.

"His moves are not random like an off/rocker owner would do."

Those who would like to see the Cowboys have an identity, or even a little bit of consistency from year to year (apart from the whole mediocrity thing) would disagree. He's oversteering the ship constantly. There are major changes in philosophy every couple years. None of the plans du jour have a chance to develop into anything because parts of it go out the window the next season. He looks like he has no idea what do to. Because he doesn't.

I'm not really disagreeing with your theory, Mr. Plains. I think there's a lot of weight in it. I just don't know that it's a 100% conscious decision on Jerry's part.

unk said...

My take on Jerry is simply that his opinion of himself far exceeds the reality of himself. He perceives himself as the smartest guy in the room, and his perception has become his reality. It seems fairly obvious during press conferences that he has put no forethought into what he is actually going to say beyond the topic of the press conference. He seems to think that he can just "wing it" when he gets in front of the media. This is why we get the extreme amount beautiful grammar disasters, the mangled cliches and non sequiturs that we eat like candy. It may not make a bit of sense to us, but to him it's Shakespearean. This attitude carries over into his team decisions. He doesn't have to admit he was wrong about last years coaches if he just tweaks things changing responsibilities and adding more coaches. In his reality, he is still right because the old guys are still around. Al Davis was a nut, but comparing him to Jerry is like comparing apples to sausages. A more apt comparison would be Jerry to Dick Dastardly from the Wacky Races cartoon.

Anonymous said...

The Unticket still doesn't seem to be working right. The search feature will find the audio you want, but it won't allow you to click on it to listen to it. Work suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks without it.

Markus said...

@shaggy and @birq,

Yea, I recall the Greggo proclamation. At the time, and most times, I suppose we should all take what he says with a grain of salt. Now this is what's asinine about rumor-mongering on a message board, but I heard it from one of their upper sales guys. Dated his sister for a bit. Either way, it was north of birq's 100-200k and south of Greggo's 600k, but that could be without any company, advertiser kickbacks or whatever else may happen. I have zero clue.

Moreover, I really don't even care how much they make. I was just musing more along the lines of the station as a whole. Are they still a rag-tag bunch who are indeed the "Little" guys or are they a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Just curious, that's all.

ps: I do know for a fact that a certain DFW nightly news anchor makes 800k. Not bad!

deezy said...

Man, this replay of Norm's Super Bowl flatulence for Al Mack is Hardline fart drops with Chancy all over again (some of you remember the girl with the crazy laugh way back at the beginning of the century). And I'm sure I don't have her name spelled correctly-

Holy crap, Corby just called it "Chancy-esque" as I finished that last paragraph! I thought maybe the boys had forgotten her.

deezy said...

On-topic: that picture Mr. Plains (love the moniker, birq) posted could mean anything, but I have to admit it sums up the coaching situation beautifully. Well played, Mr. Plains.

Off-topic again: I almost forgot, GNO is coming to my burb for once! That Fat Daddy's is barely five miles from my home, so I don't have a good excuse for not going.

Anonymous said...

It's pretty clear to me that Jerry Kramer was not laughing at Norm's flatulence. He was chuckling at the question about Lombardy that Norm was slowly but surely getting to.

birq said...

@Markus, back to your actual question, I think there's still some genuine bunker mentality left in the guys that have been there since the beginning. Mostly, though, I think the "little Ticket" thing is an angle. Yeah they have problems with equipment, facilities and budgets, but everywhere does. Other stations don't bitch about it. The Ticket enjoys comedy and bitching, and love it when they get the chance to combine the two. I think your guess that it's an act is mostly true.

Shaggy said...

New traffic chick


Anonymous said...

Quite a looker, that new traffico traffico seƱorita. Junes' new lady interest?

On another topic. Grubes is ruining the Mosely/Cowlishaw program. He's trying to (with CTO direct orders backing him, I'm sure) make it BaD. Boy howdy does he have a radio presence. He's on mic almost as much and at times more than either host. It isn't a good thing.

Shaggy said...

I assume you mean Gribble.

Frank Wastelander said...

An act my ass. 96.7 went down today. The tech problems are legit bro.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget all the lost drops.

And Thursday Mike sounded like he was using a Mr. Microphone that had been run through a dishwasher.

Anonymous said...

fernando will book michael's brother jim lombardi...

after listening to the musers sans junes, its no wonder he's the least paid on the show and of the main ratings grabbers.

jerry is senile and its comical that no one has sought to get him help.
it doesn't take a degree in medicine or healthcare to notice...just listen to him talk.
funny how $ hides the truth.
the man is an imbecile