Here's How Little I Have to Post About

The Confessor will recognize this as an entirely burnt post intended to let you know I'm still out here and still providing the anchor for your trenchant Ticket commentary in your offerings below.

Here it is:

Jake Kemp:  He reads the ad copy put in front of him.  This is not a criticism of Jake.  This is a criticism of whoever writes the ad copy.

I speak of the ad copy for All-Pro Foundation Repair.  As this column has pointed out, one should never buy a house from a Ticket host, because they've all had foundation problems.  (Never, Never, No, Never, No, No, Never -- and I Mean Ever -- Buy a House from a Ticket Host)   Now, instead, they all say "we've all had reason to call" All-Pro.

Even new host Jake.  Apparently the moment you're elevated to Tier One, your foundation starts to get wavy and shifty and doors stick and paint cracks.

That's OK.  Never hurts to have your foundation checked on this supposedly difficult North Texas soil.  Although how homes have stable swimming pools but can't seem to have basements or sound foundations in this area is beyond me.

That's not my current issue.  It is:

During the latest ad, Jake says something like this:

"But what really sets All-Pro Foundation Repair apart, though, is  .  .  .  ."

No.

Just, no.

You can't say "but" and also "though."

It has to be either:

"But what sets All-Pro Foundation Repair apart is  .  .  .  ."

OR

"What sets All-Pro Foundation Repair apart, though, is  .  .  .  ."

Jeez.  An absolutely nothing moment, but drives me nuts.  Ad copy guys:  Jake has a Master's Degree in Communications.  Give the man correct copy to read.

And there you have the most vivid thought I've had about The Ticket in a while.

Wait, here's a couple more less-vivid thoughts:

I like Jake and Dan 12-3.  The show continues to warm.   Dan still has the occasional hissy moment, but Jake's good at handling them and overall I think Dan has upped his game.

I like Bob, Corby, and Danny 3-7.  Everyone is settling in nicely, I think.  Corby's calmed down, we're hearing less bonehead social commentary, and Danny has perked up.   Both Danny and Corby seem to be speaking with greater care in the presence of Bob's thoughtfulness and general niceness.

There you go.

Thank you for shopping at My Ticket Confession.

 

ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

@Plainsman1310

My (Attenuated) Connection to The First Dance

Like the whole darned Ticket, I'm enjoying "The Last Dance," but I'm enjoying it maybe just a tiny bit more for another reason:  I lived in Chicago during the first and last Jordan years.  It occurred to me the other day that I have a couple of stories related to those astonishing teams, so here they are.

(1)  First, a nothingburger story:  I used to hang out at a saloon called Gibsons (yes, Gibsons, not Gibson's) where Rush Street and State Street come together on the Near North Side.  Upscale steak joint with an extremely lively bar scene and a live piano where I used to warble a standard or two with the jazz players from time to time.

Michael and his entourage didn't come in often, but they were there a few times.  Sat at a big table in the corner with his buds, smoking a cigar.  I was standing in the crush one night when a tall person was squeezing by me.  Looked up.  Michael in a suit.  I nodded, he said "hey," and that was the end of that story.

(2)   I can date this one very precisely.  This was during the Bulls first run to a championship in 1991, the championship series with the Lakers.

In the late eighties and early nineties, the undisputed king of Chicago radio was Jonathon Brandmeier, who had the morning drive show on WLUP, 97.9 FM, 1000 AM, "The Loop."  Born in Wisconsin, he'd had huge success as a wacky morning DJ in Phoenix before coming to Chicago.  His show was built on bits, interaction with his newsman and producer (and sometimes traffic/weather girl), phone pranks, celebrity wake-ups, interviews, listener calls, and they did play some music.  Monster ratings.

 

By the way:  The Loop in those days might be said to have invented sports-talk radio with the evening show hosted by Chet Coppock, whose passing I memorialized in these pages not long ago.  Coppock was a particular leader of young Bob Sturm.  (https://myticketconfession.blogspot.com/2019/04/a-sports-talk-pioneer-passes-from-scene.html; Bob was kind enough to drop a comment on this article.)   

Johnny B (as he was known) also accepted parody tapes from listeners.  A couple of pals and I got together a little band we called Lower Wacker Overdrive (Lower Wacker Drive being a cross between an engineering marvel and a local joke) and started sending in tapes.  (Yes, children, cassette tapes we would record on a Tascam MiniStudio or the like.)   The tapes, with maybe one or two exceptions, all related to the morning show.   I did some songs on my own under my own name.   All in all we had about 21 songs broadcast, including one original composition.

On June 11, 1991, the Bulls were up 3-1 on the Lakers.  Game 5 would be the next night in Los Angeles.  For some reason I was riding with a female acquaintance and I mentioned I'd had a parody kicking around in my head relating to the series but I'd never gotten around to writing or recording it, too bad.  Just had the first line, which I sang.  She fell into the wheelwell larfing and ordered, I mean commanded, me to finish the song and record it and get it into the station the next morning.   Well, OK.  I blew off work the rest of the day, went home, knocked out some lyrics.  I didn't have the ability to record the song myself, so I took the original and just recorded my lyrics over the original.  In a few hours had my tune.

She kindly took it up to the station before the show started early on June 12, 1991 -- Game 5 was to be played that night -- and dropped off the tape around 5:30 when the show began.   Wanted to get it in early, hoping the producer (Jimmy "Bud" Wiser) would rush it in to Brandmeier.   He must have, because when I tuned in that morning, Johnny was talking about it.  By the time the show was over, it had been played several times on the air and was a hit with the on-air staff.  Like my ladyfriend's  reaction, it got yoks just from reciting the title, which depends on a vulgar double meaning.  After I left Chicago, friends told me Brandmeier would play it from time to time.

At the time, Chicagoans were so certain the Bulls were going to win that there was some sentiment that fandom wanted the Bulls to lose that night so the series would come back to Chicago where surely the Bulls could take 1 of 2.  But they won that night, 108-101, for their first of the Jordan championships.

I have an original recording and off-the-air recordings on a CD, and if I knew how to convert that to something I could link to here, I'd do it.  But I'll at least give you the lyrics.  

One thing you need to know to understand the first verse:  Like The Ticket, the Johnny B Morning Showgram had a number of repeated bits.  One of them was a stupid joke, the only joke the newsman Buzz Kilman knew.  It was an exceedingly dumb kid's joke, so dumb that it was funny, and it was brought up on the show from time to time (and thus well-known to listeners).  The joke was:  "What did the farmer get when he stepped on a rake?  A couple of ache-ers."

Ladies and gentlemen:

"Got a Black Magic Johnson" 

(imagine Santana playing underneath)

Got a black magic johnson

Got a black magic johnson

Got a black magic johnson

Got my woman glued to The Loop

That Laker gives me two ache-ers

Each time he takes it to the hoop

Now you can have your John Paxson

Will Perdue and Phil Jackson

Because they're all Anglo-Saxon

Mayonnaise down to the bone

You got a black magic johnson

Your woman won't leave you alone

Now you may think it's important

To have your Pippen and Jordan

Yeah, your B.J., Horace and Cartwright

May steal her heart right away

Turn  on that black magic johnson

I promise you she'll come to play

Not long after, a woman I was dating asked if I wanted to go visit the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy.  She was a graphic designer, going to do some kind of brochure on it, I don't remember the details.  Sure.  She took me to this studio where it was her and me and a handful of Bulls and studio personnel, and there it was.  Pretty cool.  She told the guys "this is the guy that did the Black Magic Johnson song on the Brandmeier show."   I got more attention than the trophy did.

At least one Confessor remembers Lower Wacker Overdrive ("that was you?")  when I mentioned it in an article some time back. 

So thanks for letting me relive the only notable thing I've ever done, and my connection to The First Dance, distant though it may have been.

It's been all downhill from there.

(1) Post CV Ticket; (2) Question About Cowboys Coverage

Topic 1:

The last comment thread had some interesting thoughts about what we might expect at The Ticket after things get back to normal.

Bearing in mind that most people, including me, believe either that we will never get back to the pre-CV "normal," or, at a minimum, that the lead time for returning to that state is likely measurable in years and not months.

I think a lot of businesses will be cutting back, either because (1) they have discovered, out of necessity, that they can operate at a lower expense level, or (2) economic conditions will not support either reemployment at the previous levels, or at the previous levels of compensation.

So I think those who are speculating on a different-looking Ticket (and radio generally) are probably correct.

Bear in mind that, as Surly pointed out in the last thread, the Tier 1 guys, at least at the host level, have contracts.  Now one thing we do not know is whether those contracts have what are called "force majeure" clauses, which allow one or the other party to cease performing the contract if certain (usually specifically enumerated) "acts of God" take place, which may include public health crises.  We just don't know.

Anyway, I wanted to acknowledge that we had an interesting topic going there, and I'd ask you to continue to toss in your thoughts on this subject.

Red 1 serving as break before Topic 2:

Topic 2:

Why don't local reporters break the biggest Cowboys stories?  I don't expect the hosts, or even the Tickermen, to break local sports news, but why would Adam Shefter get a story like the Andy Dalton signing before one of our distinguished local sports reporters?  Gets him for the big interview first? Don't lour local guys have some high-up inside sources?

Maybe they don't want to give anything to David Moore because of his Ticket affiliation?  But there are other prominent local reporters, including TV sports guys, who are not so afflicted.

Do the Cowboys favor national reporters to curry favor with -- well, let's face it, ESPN is pretty much it on the national scene.  That would explain it.  But I do think it makes our local sports journalism fraternity look pretty lame.

Red 2 will wrap this one up for us:

ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

@Plainsman1310