Monday, March 20, 2017

The Quick Hits Just Keep On Coming

Confessors, apologies.  I've been working seven-day weeks for awhile and when I get a few hours The Woman needs attention and bills need to be paid and other loved ones need a few things, so there you go.

But I've been keeping a few notes lately.  Thought about making each one a separate crappy post, but will go with a data dump instead.

Thanks for continuing to check in.  Come on, lads and ladies, let's get some nice civilized threads going here.  (You know, there are more female Confessors than you might expect.)

Numbered for your convenience in response:

        (1)   When Nerlens Noel joined the Mavs and missed that flight, Mike and Corby reported that they hadn't heard anything about the guy being a problem teammate at his prior port of call.  The Musers had reported earlier in the day that he had been chronically late or absent from meetings with the 76ers and frequently fined.  Of course they hadn't heard about it because they don't prepare for the show.  And today, Corby had this segment on "Beauty and the Beast" and had absolutely zero concept of what the movie was about.  One-half minute on Google would have solved that.

      (2)    Holy Christ, those Load Bearing Wall people.  (   Gonna remove a load bearing wall for you in a way that will not make your house fall down.  And then they're going to give you a TEN YEAR WARRANTY?  So what are they warranting against?  It's gotta be that YOUR HOUSE WILL NOT FALL DOWN AFTER THEY DO THEIR WALL-REMOVAL THING.  And they warrant that that will be the case for -- TEN YEARS?  After which that warranty will expire and too bad if your house collapses around you, or whoever is so unfortunate as to purchase it from you and receive that valuable transferrable warranty for a home they may live in for decades?  Is that the worst goddam warranty you ever heard of?  All-Pro Foundation Repair guys must be splitting a gut right now.

      (3)    If Craig "Junior" Miller is going to make fun of ebonics -- and I have no problem with anyone making fun of ebonics, by the way -- he needs to get the ebonic patois right.  He will sometimes say to George and Gordon, "Let me axt you a question."  But the Community word (not universal, I'm sure, but I've interviewed many AA employment candidates who use it) is not "axt," but "ax."  (See, e.g.,  Now, Junior is a very sophisticated humorist, so perhaps he is deliberately getting wrong what is already wrong (conventionally speaking) as a honk who misuses AA patois -- i.e., it's a bit.  But I think he's just not hearing it right.

      (4)    My Lord Jah Almighty, the Tylock/George Eye Care jingle is absolutely hahhrrrrible.  Sounds like a bunch of schoolgirls, and the thing is way too grandiose and overproduced and LONG.  I thought the old Boothe Eye Care Lasik ads were bad -- remember his TV ad, where he has a Cowboys uniform on? -- but this one is hilariously awful.

      (5)    Many times when a Confessor has an issue, he starts with "Is it just me, or  .  .  .  . "  This one, no.  It's not just me.  What the hell is going on with The Ticket's return music?  It has gotten way, way too loud, and goes on way, way too long without a fadeout.  Hosts can barely be heard as whatever is being played goes on and on at excessive volume.  Now, I gather that at least on The Hardline, a host is in charge of selecting return music?  So not pointing any fingers, I'm thinking this has got to be some kind of new policy.  O Sainted Catman of the New World, please make it stop.

      (6)    JUNIOR MILLER, TECH SAVANT.  He predicted the early demise of the iPad -- presumably, tablets generally, shortly after their introduction.  I love my Samsung Galaxy Tab S2, use it all the time, but I'll be switched if old Joonze didn't have it right.  (TECH CRUNCH: Tablets Are Dead)

      (7)    Why isn't Gordon, whose column was short-listed for a Pulitzer at the Dallas Morning News, still doing that column?   I believe I heard him talk about maybe reviving it, which suggests perhaps it was his choice to discontinue.  Can't believe he would voluntarily give up that kind of national exposure with what was really some excellent, prize-winning work.  Anyone know the story?

      (8)    Wouldn't you think that wordsmith Gordon would have thought up a better name for his band than "The Gordon Keith Band"?

      (9)    Laughed heartily at the brief Hardline discussion on 3/9 about whether you could keep a woman occupied “all day” with frozen peanut butter in a red “kong” toy as you can a dog.

      (10)    Why is so much major Cowboys news broken by national media (Schefter, Mortensen, others) rather than local media?  Granted, sometimes their scoops are wrong (Schefter's report that the Cowboys were going to release T. Romo that Thursday a few weeks back).

      (11)   Jeez, Danny's voice is sounding worse and worse.  Constant gravel now, that former mellow Gentleman Jack smoothness is a thing of the past.  Worrisome.

      (12)   Junior is now promoting Stellar Home Theater.  A week or two ago, someone was talking about recording a series, or watching a particular series, or something, and someone was asking Junior if he were "in" on either watching or recording.  He said, in a voice filmed with doom, that he was presently unable to do so.  OWTTE.  Had to chortle.

      (13)   Last 11 times I have punched in to Monte + The Machine (aka "Not a Podcast") out running errands on a Saturday morning, I have heard, upon said in-punching, the voice of Mike "The Machine" Marshall.

      (14)    I need help.  On maybe a half-dozen occasions over the past month or so, I've punched out on the station for one reason or another.  Maybe not even something related to show content, maybe just not ready for another bunch of ads, or maybe I had some music cued up, or something.  Or maybe the lads were yammering on with more vagina talk, or teacher-student sex talk, or something else I'm tired of.  Maybe I'd arrived at a store and was leaving the Conestoga for a few minutes.  Or maybe I had gone from the car to the office to pick up my listening there.  Got a nice stereo there just for that purpose. No big deal, we all punch out for one reason or another from time to time.  But on these occasions, I FORGOT TO PUNCH BACK IN.   Last Friday, for example, I realized that I missed Junior's Scattershooting and the E-Brake, which I never like to miss. it's happened on other occasions when I was perfectly free to listen to my weekday and weekend heroes, and had a distraction of one kind or another causing a PO, and never came back.  Very concerning.  Hoping it's a phase.  Not aware of any particular disenchantment with the weekday crews, not bored with The Ticket concept or guys.  So not sure what's going on.  You ever take a subconscious break from The Little One?

      (15)   I'll leave you with this:

      It is the 90s.

      I'm in St. Louis, negotiating a deal.

      I'm at the Lambert Airport Marriott.

      More precisely, I'm at the Firehouse bar in that certain lodging destination.

      Kind of dark, smoky.  Yes, kids, there was a time you could smoke in bars.  Noisy.

      I was just kind of standing there.  Had to be sharp the next day, not carousing.

      I noticed that there was a man sitting in a chair right next to me, quiet, alone.  Just sitting there, seemed a little down.

      I looked down.

      Chuck Berry.


Anonymous said...

Completely agree with your load bearing wall analysis. I have brought up this very thing on this blog. "Load-Bearing" wall. basically a wall which holds your house up meaning it's kinda important. Where's Randy Cote when you need em'. I blame this on women who believe ANY wall should be moved at their whim....screw the integrity of the structure if it's not a pleasing layout. That's exactly how my wife thinks. I agree w/PM. A 10 year warranty?!?! If any of my fellow P-1's use this service PLEASE disclose it when you sale...cause I'm out. This coupled with our shifting soils (per Tony Cooper) make it untenable for m

Anonymous said...

As the Halcyon Days era Mike "Rhynes" Rhyner would say before most every call (yes, Virginia, THL used to take calls every show): Let's mosh.

(1) Look, THL doesn't prepare. You have one member that is playing gigs and/or having a few or more belts to closing time 3-5 nights per week (who's also a senior citizen); you have one member who, playing gigs or not, is out 6-7 nights per week having many belts till closing time and after hours; and you have one member who lives a country club lifestyle and who also happens to get paid a nice chunk of change for showing up and farting and truly believing that you're gonna love it. They read, study, think about, etc, nothing that doesn't hold their immediate interest---for the two "rockers" that means whatever music is currently being played on their phone in repetition, and for "Dodsworth III" it means anything non-country club/ex-frat daddy related. Anything else is a scanned headline and their own "feelin' it" based on their zero or next to no knowledge of said subject. Hence you get what THL has become.

(2) Sorry, ad spots don't get to me the way they do some of y'all. I ignore them. The only one that ever got to me was the Galleon's aborsh from years back.

(3) I think Joonz is going next level with that one. Kinda like you said, he's ebonicing the ebonics.

(4) See (2).

(5) I've notices that, as well. It has to be something with the board, I'd think. This is a relatively new issue, one I've never heard in all my 20+ years of P1manship. But yeah buddy, it's annoying. Reminds me of the few times I tried listening to RaGE: they'd be talking and you'd hear Zeppelin blaring over the entire segment.

(6) Let's face it, Joonz is an oracle.

(7) Good question. Specially since he's said on numerous occasions and in many interviews that he thinks of himself first and foremost as a writer. Honestly, sans the heart warming pieces on his mother, I never cared for it. He tries to be too Southern. And frankly, I don't find him as deep as so many of the P1s do.

(8) Yes. In light of how he says he hates that sorta egocentric, self promoting aspect of the entertainment biz, I'd think he'd have a band name more along the line of Jub's. It's the little things that give insight into others, ladies and germs.

(9) Perfect counterexample of "We can do what they can do but they can't do what we can do." Anyone remember The Ron and Don Show?

(10) Because the locals' very job security depends on them not ruffling Jerry's feathers, that's why. You report on the report and then gently analyze. Hell, even Moore's "hot takes" are luke warm when compared to other major markets' local media pundits.

(11) See the first part of (1). In addition to that, he's a smoker. And hey, allergies are awful round these parts. Never had a one till 3 years ago. Now I have to take Allegra every day. It'll screw your voice up.

(12) Comedic genius. The Jerry Lewis of radio.

(13) Unlistenable show. Sorry. I gave it the old college try, several tries actually, but I had to bail. Machine is unable to not turn everything into some political jab. Monty, when given the rare chance to speak, is fine, but again it's rare that he gets a complete thought out.

(14) Man, other than Scattershooting, Ebrake, Friday Phone Fun, a pre announced eruption of Mt. St. Hitgzes, or a breaking, explosive sports story that only Bob can properly analyze, I punch out more often that not nowadays. The Little One has become more mediocre than not. It's played down to its competition for so long that, other than the above mentions, it's no different.

(15) Nice Chuck Berry story. This morning Gordo pointed out some aspects of the other side to CB's life that seem to go unnoticed. I had forgotten about all that stuff. A complicated man, he was.

Cody Patterson said...

Hog Court was fun the first time. When they did it the second time by calling Junior at home, it seemed over kill. I don't think they needed to define how big the hog needed to be. I think they could have just said and adult hog and everyone would have been happy.

Boo! said...

I believe Gordo's column when on hiatus when his parents were sick and he was taking care of them.

And if you don't give this comment a shot, you're missing out, and I'm just being real with you.

Rhinosaur said...

I've listened for about 15 years, and the punch-out "problem," for me, comes down to A) shows having a relatively set schedule, and B) I've heard it before. I know when E-news is coming on and I know Corby will talk out of his ass. Punch out. I know what Witten/Nadel/King/Asshat College Blowhard Guy is going to say and I know when they're on. Punch out. I know that any Norm guest will be a beating. Punch out.

I guess that's why I think my favorite part of the week is Friday morning...when Scattershooting/E-brake provides something I know won't be boilerplate. That's why I like WTDS, because it could go anywhere. The rest of the week is predictable and boring. Even 8:40 bits are getting tiring for me: I hear who the "guest" will be, and I know what it will be.

I've been bashing Corby for E-news for years now. Would it be so hard to maybe throw a few bucks to someone in-house or out-of-house to give an informed segment the hosts can comment on?

Celery said...

I stopped listening to THL (consistently) a while ago. Occasionally I will stream it in the background. Each time I realize I have missed nothing. Their bag of nothing isn't even comforting! I don't know if there is a connection, but I am listening much less often to the Musers. I know I know, it is really hard to come up with new characters, but Gordon devolves into sexual humor-funny in small doses...not funny from all of his characters. Even the e-brake feels like it has lost steam. TC's hog court was a blessing to the station. It was something different. Otherwise, I don't feel like I miss much.

Gareth Corn said...

I would pay hard-earned American dar for a weekly one-hour segment in which they read off the angry emails they get

James said...

(7) resonates the most with me. I like Gordon's writing, and look froward to him picking it back up. No, he's not deep; but he is gifted with words.

The Plainsman said...

(2) Re Bad Load Bearing Wall Guaranty:

So . . . the job they're being paid to do is to remove a wall. Maybe, maybe they're guaranteeing their actual work, and not the non-occurrence of an event that might take place long after. Maybe they're guaranteeing that for ten years, that wall will stay removed -- no wall will reappear in that location for ten years. House could fall down, sure, but that wall they removed -- it will not rematerialize out of thin air for ten solid years.

And that guaranty -- it's transferrable!

Shaggy said...

I still just don't get why y'all are listening to ads enough for them to stand out and/or bother you so much.

The Plainsman said...

Shaggy, it's either that or punch out every time. The Ticket is an ad magnet for big ad dollars, and listening to the same lengthy ads multiple times per hour, not to mention many times over the course of a listening day -- it is a very big part of the fabric of the overall Ticket presentation.

And they do cause listeners to punch out. That's a phenomenon that merits commentary here.

I'm going to keep writing about them and I suspect Confessors will keep commenting about them.

deezy said...

My background/passion has always been engineering, in one form or another - so I feel ya on Load Bearing Wall Pros...DOT KAAAAAAAHMMMMMMM. This service is ludicrous.

The only thing I can think of is that they're doing reinforcement around where the wall used to be/redistributing the load out to the periphery or to another load bearing wall, but that introduces a crapton of variables (in other words, a whole lot of new math that has to be done and has zero margin for error.) And a ten-year warranty? "Sorry guys, allow me to show you the door."

And, I gotta agree with a previous anon, Plainsman - Junes taking the mispronounced "ask" and then making it past tense is an intentional application of...flavor, and it's pretty dang funny if you ask me (I say this as a black man that has been known to use "axe" to annoy his own family.)

The Plainsman said...

I always try to give Craig "Junior" Miller the benefit of the doubt, and you are probably right that he's doing a bit on top of a bit -- using unconventional English, and using it incorrectly.

The Plainsman said...

I need to take a leap forward into the early 'Oughts. Can a Confessor recommend a good Android podcast app? Many thanks.

Anonymous said...

+1 P-Man

Shaggy said...

Don't look now but CMLS is in a death spiral since they couldn't restructure their debt a month ago

Anonymous said...

DA's been saying this day would come for several years now. Many of us have sort of pooped on it because it didn't happen immediately. When this amount of shekels are involved, things take time. It's about to happen. Oh yes, you bet, it will have an effect on The Ticket. It could come in a variety of ways: new ownership (obviously) and all that that entails, and, most interestingly, it will very well mean a substantive cut in pay for the Varsity, which, in turn, could lead to certain hosts leaving for greener pastures or retiring. The JV? Well, they might be flat out fucked. Get ready P1s, this is real and it's about to go down.

The Plainsman said...

All of that is possible, 1232. But it will depend on what form Cumulus's cratering takes. A bankruptcy? A liquidation or a reorganization bankruptcy? Another acquisition? A selloff of properties? Stations going dark?

The Ticket is an ATM for whoever owns it. Anyone who messes a whole lot with the formula does so at his peril. The hosts all have contracts and unless Cumulus literally pulls the plug and stops paying salaries, those contracts will be honored. Now when contract time comes up again, that's when you may see some bloodletting. The JV are another story. They're all so poorly paid now that cutting a few won't matter much. Sell off The Ticket (probably in a package with other profitable properties and maybe a hound or two) to raise cash to pay creditors? Sure, could happen, but the purchaser will have to make a deal with the stars to keep them from jumping to free agency.

So it absolutely could look like 1232's scenario, with upheaval at The Little One. But I think a Chapter 11 reorganization is the more likely option, which means that Cumulus's assets keep on percolating away while Cumulus tries to make some new deals with its lenders -- which may include the aforementioned sales of moneymaking assets. If it falls through, then the assets absolutely get sold, with whoever wants the Ticket doing what it has to do to keep the team together. So I'm not predicting doom even if Cumulus evanesces into the high blue Texas sky.

Pink Cocktail Dress said...

At this point in the year of our Lord, who can we consider to be JV? Just IJB? Nobody else stands out to me.

Shaggy said...


I'd say Sirois, Sean, and Jake are on the line between V and JV

Anonymous said...

And Mino, and Ty. How can you forget Ty?!?!

Anonymous said...

P-man, I use Player FM for my Android podcast needs. Not a perfect app, but does pretty much everything I'm looking for in a podcast app.

Anonymous said...

Gopher said...

Mikes little side project is up and running.

Anonymous said...

On Cirque- John Little tells us he's leaving the Ticket for another local station. :(

Anonymous said...

JL has some serious pipes and does a total pro job. He saw that there was no room at the inn and moved to somewhere the ceiling might not be solow and fixed. Good on ya, John, and good luck.

Anonymous said...

3. Junes gets total pass with me and I will internally chuckle when he says "axt"as it always surprises me. Jr. prepares. So street!
13. IJP. Unlistenable. I try, but punch out and on to NPR of KXT. Not sure why these guys are on the air as their subjects and opinions are usually banal. I wish they had something.
14. I can ignore most of the advertisers, but Meador is truely a piece of work. Monster Metal or whatever they are spewing now is truly a crime on human intelligence and Charlie has done it once again. I can accept stupid or mindless, but Meador invites acrimony and ill will. Must. Punch. Out!

Anonymous said...

ON # 13 above I mean Not A Podcast, the drivel after the Tee Box.

The Pigskin Poet circa 2001 said...


Mr. Little, I was only able to peruse your fine work when you filled in for the musers. Bravo to you, sir. I enjoyed your work. We coulda really used you as producer or ticker man for the 12-3p show.


Rhynes was really adamant about black people enjoying their soul food. That was a cringe worthy segment.

Shaggy said...

Well Donovan does eat chitlins, so...

The Plainsman said...

Did Craig "Junior" Miller ever list the membership of his various "tiers" of Ticket showgram employment? And how many were there? Four?

I've heard those tiers mentioned from time to time but I think I must have missed the original discussion. I'm wondering if tier membership depends mainly on (1) tenure (more senior = higher tier), (2) function (e.g., producer over Ticker over board), (3) overall on-air exposure (weekend show host higher than more senior production guy), or (4) quality of work (not sucking higher than sucking). Or some highly subjective combination of all of these things as creating, in the Joonz's mind, a hierarchy of regard?

On that subject: I'm the first person I know of who used the term "JV" in connection with The Ticket, although absolutely possible that someone else used it earlier. I mention this only to advise that when I started using it, it was my intention to use "JV" to refer to anyone at all who wasn't a weekday 5:30a-7p host. Anyone free to use it any way he or she wishes.

Anonymous said...

Uh, actually, I did here in these comboxes. You posted said comment as an article.

The Plainsman said...

Could be. My earliest use I can find is from a post in 2011, which is pretty early on, in an article where I do paste some comments. But the pasted comments don't use "JV." I don't see any Anonymous comments used as posts before that using "JV." But would be easy for me to miss. So sure, you may have used it earlier.

The Texas Hammer said...

Here is what I recall about the tiers:

-There are 5
-Tier 1 is made up of the major hosts
-There are no members of Tier 2 so as to provide separation between Tier 1 and the lower tiers
-Rosengarden was given his own tier after a string of (probably fake) e-brakes. Something like 'president of Tier 100' (I forget the exact number used).
-As for other specific assignments, the only one I recall is that Killer is definitely Tier 5.

I, for one, welcome the tier system and fully support anything created by the Honourable Junez.

Anonymous said...

Oh joy. More hog talk. Kill me.

Shaggy said...

Congrats, TC

Anonymous said...

Response to point 14.

I have for years been an Internet listener since moving from the Metroplex. I have listened to 1 show religiously and another more often than not online for almost a decade. I have found that these two favorite shows of mine delve into the political too often for my liking. I am not attempting to beat a dead horse (so I am not including names). I think I would enjoy the political talk if the nut kicking were thought provoking or funny. Unfortunately it is neither. I haven't listened with any regularity for months.
I am politically fatigued and I wish the little Ticket would just make me laugh again.

Anonymous said...

When you say "not funny", I'm assuming you're speaking of Corby?

Anonymous said...

Geez, now Meador Motors provides 15 seconds of unlistenable "over the top" car advertising, (Death Metal Motors or whatever) then asks us why we have to be subjected to same? I will do business with their competitors when appropriate and damn you Charlie!

Anonymous said...

I didn't know the place was called Tylock-George Eye Care so the first time I heard it I thought they were randomly dropping Muser George's name and telling him they care. That honestly makes it better when i hear it now.