Kelly McClure -- a Lexicon

For those of you who would like to get more enjoyment out of Kelly "I'm the Only Entity that Refers to Me as  .  .  .  the Bulldog" McClure commercials, I offer the following guide to some of her more puzzling pronunciations.  You know who I'm talking about, the Chief Executive Officer of the McClure Law Group (which group has seven lawyers of which to be Chief Executive Officer listed on her website, although there are nine in the group photo):

I think I can guess at least one of the departees -- the blonde in the right flank who had the audacity to do a left-foot-forward-hand-on-hip pose and showed some chest flesh, although in her defense she was wearing non-McClure black.   (The photo is clearly assembled from individual portraits; Ms. McClure's reproduction has taken some calories off her nose, which is a pity, as I find her real-life honker rather alluring in her publicity snaps.  And she seems also to have lost some weight in her cheekish area at the artist's hand.)

Anyway, if you are having trouble following her ads, here are some clarifications which may help:

"whey"               when he
"looza"               loses a
"probby"            probably
"custy"               custody
"a unhappy"       an unhappy
"a honest"          an honest
"harng"              hiring
"prordy"            priority
"merches"          marriages
"fahlng"             following
"falngs"              filings
"ordy"                already

Look, I'm sure she and Mr. Epstein and their shifting cast are all excellent lawyers.  Her success can't have come solely from self-promotion and impressive structural elements.  Heck, if I were a high-net-worth man with marital, pre-marital, or post-marital woes, I'd nip by for a consult.

But her ads have been cracking me up since they started running on The Ticket some time back.  I know some of you don't like MTC advertising talk, but it's here to stay -- they're a big part of The Ticket day (not to mention its revenue).   The Ticket cast may stay the same -- not much new material there -- but one can always count on a fresh batch of ads to thrash the bejeebers out of all of us.

Previous observations on Ms. McClure's ads may be found in the archives:

http://myticketconfession.blogspot.com/2015/10/investigative-report-kelly-mcclure.html

http://myticketconfession.blogspot.com/2016/01/investigative-report-follow-up-bulldog.html

Hoping you're not one of those unfortunates who cause falngs to go up after the New Year.  As Ms. McClure persuasively urges, "Oh, the holidays!"

"Is that the final decree in your pocket, Sugar, or are you just happy to see me?"

The Non-Bulldog Is Back (INSERT ELTON JOHN JOKE HERE)

Kelly McClure has returned to The Ticket airwaves with new ads where she claims to be The Bulldog.

Here is some past investigative reporting on this burning Ticket Topik.

http://myticketconfession.blogspot.com/2015/10/investigative-report-kelly-mcclure.html

http://myticketconfession.blogspot.com/2016/01/investigative-report-follow-up-bulldog.html

"It's a scientific fact -- yeah, science! -- that men are attracted to women who wear red, which is why I wear it most of the time in publicity photos showing me wearing stuff intended to instill confidence in my canine tendencies.  Rrrrruff!!.  See, e.g., http://www.rochester.edu/news/show.php?id=3268."

Fred Garvin, Man About Town, on Ticket Advertising

Confessor Fred Garvin, Man About Town, emailed me some thoughts on some themes regular Confessors will find familiar.  I know not everyone is anxious to read more about Ticket advertising on this site, and most of these ads have been dissected here before, but I am very thankful, in this season for being thankful, for contributions from readers.  And Fred has some interesting takes, not all of which I share, but, hey, that's why they make vanilla and Cherry Garcia. 

But I do like the "sci-fi collectibles" line and the Jimmy John's ads featuring Ed.

Okay, okay, I'll try to give advertising commentary a break for awhile, although I may not be able to resist a new post on not-known-as-The-Bulldog Kelly McClure sometime soon.

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I’ve got a few random thoughts on Ticket advertising.

First, do no harm: There are two Ticket sponsors whose advertisements make me want to spend lavishly...on their competitors. First is Meador Dodge Chrysler, etc. (“We simply do it better, at Meador.”) This is the satirical one: Unethical sales guy sticks the customer with exotic, needless up-charges, while the customer complains futilely, sounding vaguely like one of the grown-ups in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

ANNOYING. Not funny. Over-the-top in a way that would make Jim Carrey blush. And played way, way too often.

The second one is Del Frisco’s Double Eagle Steak House. The guy isn’t the problem. Gina Cook is the problem. (Don’t throw shoes. I know that some people like her, but she’s nails on the chalkboard for me.) And the problem is her barely contained giddiness at how funny she thinks she’s being. Each commercial, she’s on the verge of “breaking,” as they say in show biz. Breaking is normally fun for the audience, because we’re laughing, and we get a kick out of watching the talent try not to laugh, too. But it’s less fun when we’re not laughing, and instead are wondering, “Why does Gina think this is so funny?” (Side note: Gina doesn’t have the vocal timbre to say, “Crab claws...yeah!” at 75% of her maximum volume. My recommendation: Let the dude say it, or drop the line altogether.)

Now please don’t get me wrong: I love humor in advertising. I’ve found the Jimmy John’s spots (fast delivery, fast talking) amusing. And there’s the one ad with the line, “Please don’t handle the sci-fi collectibles.” But those ads are smart and know their audience. The Meador and Del Frisco ads are pedestrian and tone-deaf. Revise and resubmit, please. 

Bart Reagor, are you okay? We haven’t heard from this guy in a while, and it’s got me wondering if he decided to take a mental health break in the country. ‘Cuz those ads he was doing a while back were getting downright weird. There was this bit: “You like the Internet? Remember when we didn’t have that? Remember when we would just stare at our computer screens and wish the Internet would be invented? And then it got invented, and we all liked it? Do you remember that?” And how about the stuff where he sounds like he’s trying to talk his girlfriend out of dumping him: “I’m one of the best guys you’ll ever meet. Give me a chance. Don’t be a hater...” I sometimes wonder how many of these spots are cut with Bart speaking directly into the mirror.

Learning from your mistakes. Occasionally, I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, thinking about that first Kelly McClure “bulldog” spot. Wow, was that bad. I did the math once, and she said the word “aggressive” 2.4 times per second in that thing. She also invited you to check out her pics online (which of course I did, purely for medicinal purposes, and while she’s lovely, the “hire me b/c I’m hot” pitch is kind of insulting). The whole campaign was in your face like whipped cream at a pie-eating contest. It also reinforced a lot of ugly stereotypes about lawyers.

Thankfully, Ms. McClure has toned things way down. I like the softer Kelly.

All I can say is, well done. Good things happen when you’re not too proud to learn.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT -- FOLLOW-UP -- The Bulldog Goes to "Man's Best Friend."

Some readers out in the ether don't like it when this site comments on Ticket advertisers, or think it demonstrates the crappiness of the site, or something.  Fine.  You try writing a blog about one station for six years and let's see how your topic wheel spins.

Anyway, you will recall a column back a few months ago where I questioned whether Kelly McClure, Esq., of the McClure Law Group, was actually known as "The Bulldog" as her appalling commercials claimed.  You can refresh your recollection here:

Kelly McClure Probably Not Known as "The Bulldog."

Not a long time after that column ran (but probably not because of it), she got rid of those ads, and now runs much more conventional and convincing spots with a professional announcer, some production value -- and no wolf whistles or her faux-dismissive "thanks, hmpf."  And no reference to herself as "The Bulldog."  Also does some of those spot sponsorships now -- a real member of the Ticket client list.

She still doesn't do herself a huge favor by narrating a portion of that longer ad.  It can take you a second to figure out that "prordy" means "priority" and  "custy" means "custody."

But there was still something odd about the ad.

I believe the end of the commercial issues the claim that she or the firm or something has been "board certified in family law since 1985."

I can be corrected on this, but I believe only attorneys (as opposed to firms) are eligible to be board certified if they meet certain criteria.

If we go to her website (http://www.mcclure-lawgroup.com/), we see that her firm has six attorneys.  The first line of her bio states that Ms. McClure got her board certification in 2005.  The next most senior attorney didn't graduate from law school until 2008.

Turning to her bio, we find the odd bullet item:

"Family Law Board Certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization
"Member Since: 1985-present"

I don't know what it means to be a "member" of the Texas Board of Legal Specialization, but I am pretty certain that it does not mean you are board certified.  In 1985, the McClure Law Group didn't exist and Ms. McClure had been out of law school for one year.  As noted, that same bio states that she did not achieve certification until 20 years later in 2005.  So what exactly happened in 1985 with the Texas Board of Legal Specialization?

To add to this mystery, her LinkedIn profile states that she has been Board Certified in Family Law since 1995.

Does it matter to the P1?

No.

Just something that struck me as peculiar.  I'm sure Ms. McClure is a terrific domestic relations lawyer.

Remember, though:  She represents "high net worth individuals."  So smoke out before you call.

"I'm know you're glad to see me, but if that's a Kelly McClure prenup in your pocket you'll have to get your jinj on elsewhere."

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Kelly McClure (Insert Stock Wolf Whistle Here) May Be a Great, I Mean a Really Great Lawyer . . .

.  .  .  but she doesn't seem to be referred to as "The Bulldog." 

Except possibly by herself.

And maybe not even by herself.

Except in that ad.

The Confessor is aware that Your Plainsman does what he can to protect him or her from questionable advertising claims broadcast on The Ticket.

Lately the P1 has been subjected to what has to be one of the worst, most tone-deaf ads ever to cause our jaws to drop with its awfulness.  Yes, I'm referring to the one offered by domestic relations attorney Kelly McClure, principal of The McClure Law Group. 

The most jaw-dropping aspect of which is that she believes it will appeal to "high-net-worth" men, presumably possessed of a touch of class, to make reference in her ad to her physical allure.  I'll say this – she dresses absolutely killer:

Which you can do if you charge fees to high-net-worth individuals, I guess.  As for the rest, I will leave it to the always-fair Confessor to determine.  For a woman in her mid-fifties – sure, that's worth a whistle from gentlemen of a certain age, if you like those sorts of  .  .  .  amendments.   And an impressively volumized, if dubious, coiffure.

I have heard of the McClure Law Group and I even knew that Ms. McClure cleaned up fair.  But I was suspicious of the claim that she is known as "The Bulldog."  We've all heard of "Jim Adler, The Texas Hammer" (whose moniker, truth to tell, is probably also self-created).  But I have never heard of "Kelly McClure, The Bulldog."  Or "Kelly 'Bulldog' McClure." 

So I interrogated MTC's research database, viz., Google.  A search yields zero hits for ["Kelly McClure" bulldog] other than those associated with her own website – which, oddly, also does not seem anywhere to refer to her as "The Bulldog."   Bing – from which, I confess, I have never retrieved a useful search result – and Yahoo yielded similar results. 

So if she is generally, or even a little bit, known as "The Bulldog" outside of her premises -- indeed, beyond her recent advertising -- it has escaped the notice of The Internet.

She would seem more credibly canine if she got her grammar right.  She declaims that she is "sometimes referred as The Bulldog."   She's missing a "to" in there, although I'm not going to thrash you with the explanation.  (Because I don't zackly know it.)  Maybe she used to drive bus.

Could she be known as "The Bulldog" among those in the know in the Dallas domestic relations community, which is probably one helluva tough community with all of the high-dollar marriages and divorces around here?  Sure.  She's obviously very successful, and you can't succeed in that very challenging, emotionally-charged practice if you haven't got some sand.  So if she wants to be, or become, known as "The Bulldog," fine by me.   

But if any Confessors work at the McClure Law Group, do a little experiment for Your Plainsman and drop us a report:  Next time you see her in the hallway, say "Hey, Bulldog!"  If she gives you the stinkeye, just tell her you were influenced by her memorable advertising on The Ticket.  Or you were singing the Beatles song.  Or you thought she had gone to Yale.

Gentlemen:  Let's keep the comments gracious here. 

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