The Time Has Come to Reveal My Far-Fetched but Deeply-Held Belief on Solving the Problem of Perpetual Cowboys Mediocrity; or, The Brontosaurus Theory

Confessors, with a title like that, I deem that you have been given fair warning that this is one of those blessedly rare Plainsman sportsy posts, wherein I demonstrate rather small knowledge about sports.  I suppose that's what comes of listening to The Ticket.

But, in honor of the entrepreneurial spirit embodied in Danny Balis (there's your Ticket connection for this post), let me ask you to put aside preconceived notions and use your imagination.  You can probably come up with some variations of what follows that may make more sense.

The conventional wisdom – and this view is held not only by me and many of you, but by an acquaintance of mine who might in fact be the No. 1 Cowboys fan in DFW, I kid you not – is that the Cowboys will not return to greatness as long as they are owned by Jerry Jones.  That the Cowboys will, in fact, get worse as his ego continues to eat away at judgment with the passing years.  Because Jerry Jones will not give up control as he struggles to cast off the shadow Jimmy and win a title for which he can claim principal credit.  And because Jerry Jones will not sell the Cowboys, their averageness-or-worse will soil that beastly stadium out there for years to come.

I grant that this is a very likely scenario.  But it is not the only possible scenario.  Let me toss out a few concepts.

Jerry Is a Very, Very Bad General Manager and Owner.  I won't spend much time on this, we all know it.  His latest machinations, castrating Jason Garrett, loading up the coaching staff with people he selects, is a recipe for failure.  It is widely accepted that 2013 is make-or-break for Garrett – but what earthly sense does it make to (1) reduce his responsibility for the offense and (2) stick him with personnel not of his choosing and then to increase his accountability?  I happen to think Garrett bears a large share of the blame for fielding offenses that apparently don't know the plays after two-plus years and that can't get them called before a half-second remains on the play clock.  Maybe Jerry has selected players of incorrigible stupidity, but more likely is that they're not prepared, or the plays require calls that are not appropriate for the hurly-burly of the gridiron, or Tony doesn't transmit the playcalls efficiently.  But if that's the way you as GM feel about the guy, fire him, don't play games for another season that do nothing more than establish the head coach's lack of authority and your own poor judgment, begging yet the further question:  What accomplished, self-respecting coach would play for the  meddlesome savant-wannabe caricature that is Jerry Jones? 

And he's a bad owner because he refuses to hire experienced professional football management, or listen to the people in his organization who fit that description.

Since we all pretty much believe that Jerry is incompetent, why do I even bother to mention it?  Because:

Jerry Jones Is So Incompetent, That in the Process of Manufacturing Year After Year of Mediocrity and Worse, Jerry Jones Is Also Managing to Embarrass Texas in General, and, in Particular, the Wealthy of Texas.   Jones is pathologically incapable of keeping his piehole zipped.  And in its unzipped state, it emits torrents of disconnected phrases, 180-degree contradictions within a single breath, and downright nonsense.  It would be tolerable and possibly even charming if he'd shown a molecule of talent for running a football team, but since he hasn't, he looks like the kind of Texan, especially the kind of rich Texan, that non-Texans like to sneer at – ignorant, arrogant, incoherent. (Although he was born in Los Angeles and raised in Arkansas.)  The kind who thinks it's classy to hang the world's biggest video screen in his stadium, so big it renders the live contest irrelevant, and to feature caged go-go dancers.  You can't tell me that his pals in whatever the Rich Guy Club is in these parts (um, I don't belong) don't cringe when they see his latest high-wire act before any nearby open mic and hear everyone, even media types who might be expected to curry his favor, shaking their heads in disbelief that this well-meaning but thoroughly deluded soul is helming the destruction of the most valuable sports franchise in the country. 

There Are Lots of Really, Really Rich People in Texas.  And when you put a few of them together, a billion here, a billion there, pretty soon you're talking about real money.  And maybe they'd rather people think of them more like J.R. Ewing, and not J.W. Jones.

Everything Has Its Price.

Including Jerry.

Ah, but you say, Jerry does not have his price.  His pride would never let him sell the team while it's down, before it does something really terrific, at least get to a Super Bowl if not win it.

I agree that Jerry will never accept market value for the team, however that may be measured (although every year there are organizations purporting to do it, including one that reported today).  

So the first step is for a bunch of these rich guys who have had enough losing and ridicule to get together and offer Jerry crazy money.  I don't know how crazy it would have to be to let Jerry claim that as his ultimate victory.  Maybe he wouldn't take it.  Maybe the crazy money would have to be so crazy that not even a consortium of the extremely wealthy would consider offering it.  I would, however, ask you to remember the difference between the price Nolan Ryan's group agreed to pay for the Rangers at the outset, and what they eventually paid after Mark Cuban got the bidding way up there.

Then what?

Creativity.

Find some way to let Jerry save face.  Make him Chairman Emeritus.  Name the stadium after him and pay him for the right to use his name.  A permanent suite at the stadium.  (With parking!)  Perhaps work something where he keeps the stadium or some piece of it.  There are all kinds of ways to compensate selling business owners.   Insist that they pay him personally millions not to take his incomparable football management skills to any other NFL team.   Give him a consulting deal and actually have meetings and let him have his say.

OK, let's say that none of this moves the old razorback.  

There's always:

Leverage.

How do you get leverage over an ego?

Include Stephen and Jerry Jr. in the Consortium.  Is Stephen Jones the Prince Charles of DFW or what?  Waiting for His Majesty to abdicate or die.  Perhaps it would be meaningful to Jerry (in addition to the crazy money, let's not forget) to know that his beloved offspring would have some kind of management and ownership role, and that he'd still have his son's ear on matters Cowboys, even if he would have no authority.  I can imagine that the boys (!) would have some reluctance to show up with a group offering to buy the team – I'm sure they love and feel loyalty toward their Pop and might fear a family falling-out if appearing to want to oust him.  Still, there may be creative ways to involve them in a subtle and diplomatic approach that would not offend Jerry.

The Brontosaurus Theory.  But here's my gee-whiz solution, and I'm sure that there are NFL-savvy readers out there who will tell me that this could never, ever happen in a squillion years. 

But, like Anne Elk (John Cleese) who offers her theory on the brontosaurus on Episode 31 of Monty Python's Flying Circus, this is my theory, and it is mine, and belongs to me, and what it is, too.  The next thing you will read is my theory:

This rich-guy consortium goes to Jerry – again, with their crazy money, maybe really crazy in light of this (my) theory and the thinking they want to inspire in Jerry, and they say this: 

Jerry, we have crazy money for you.  You know as sure as you're sitting there that this is easily a 30% premium over the highest valuation that any so-called expert places on this team.  You take that and walk away and you can hold your head high, laughing at your critics, knowing that win or lose, you, by the sheer force of your personality and will and balls in getting that stadium built, and, yes, winning three Super Bowls, created immense, incredible value, made this the second most valuable franchise in the world, second only to Manchester United.  Incredible accomplishment, Jerry.

You take this crazy money, Jerry.  You take it.  We'll put your name on that stadium.  Take a look at this term sheet, there's a bunch of other goodies in there, and looky here, Jerry, we're going to give Stephen and Jerry Jr. the opportunity to invest at a very high level and give them significant management responsibility.  You can be Chairman Emeritus.  

Take this crazy money, Jerry, and all the rest, because if you don't take this crazy money, we're going to keep an appointment that we made some months ago with Roger Goodell to discuss with him our strong commitment to putting an NFL team in Fort Worth, Texas.  As you can see, it will be hugely well-financed, with a stadium – oh, Jerry, it will not be a stadium like yours – it will be a big stadium, for sure, but it will be one that people will love, a real Texas stadium, like Fort Worth is a real Texas city, like people love the Ballpark at Arlington.  It'll be right near downtown -- those city fathers know how to work with businessmen.   Maybe we'll swipe Jacksonville or some other lame franchise – maybe we'll argue for expansion.  And Roger Goodell will listen, because Texas is a football state, and DFW is a gigantic market with lots and lots of people who have given up their Cowboy season tickets and lost all faith in you, and because major and lesser markets have fielded two NFL teams at once:  New York, Bay Area.  Crazy money, Jer.  You think your fellow owners would never allow it?  Think again.  Crazy.   And when we get that franchise -- don't you doubt us, Jerry, you know who we are -- we are going to treat our fans like royalty and we're going to get the best football people in the country and we're going to have a fracking party every week over in crazy Fort Worth over this team we're going to put together, Jerry.  Ground floor fans who don't give a bag of dirt about what your franchise did 20 years ago.  And we'll grab your fans, we'll grab your concession dollars, we'll grab your capital appreciation, we'll grab all of it and we will keep grabbing because that is how we got this crazy money in the first place.  It won't be hard . Crazy money, Jerry.  We got it.  We can get more.  

Because we're winners.  

Sign here. 

*     *     *

A bit melodramatic, perhaps.  And with a number of strategic difficulties. But God, that was fun.

Here's my point – we shouldn't assume that no circumstances exist under which Jerry would consider selling the team.  You won't know until you try.  Until you try, and let it leak that you're trying.  And I'm serious about a Fort Worth team.

So here's the plan, Confessors.  Send the link to this post to all of your billionaire friends.  Let's see, do I know any billionaires, let me think  .  .  . 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Jumping the Gun by a Few Hours to Wish The Greatest Radio Station in the World a Happy 19th

Binky and Sheba Wish The Pan-American Catman and All The Ticket Guys and Gals a
Happy 19th Birthday

And, lest we forget, the Magnificent 7 still on board (not sure whether Cactus still has some kind of affiliation):

Mike "The Creator" Rhyner

Craig "Junior" Miller

George "Formerly Sometimes Called 'The Commander'" Dunham

Gordon "Gordon" Keith

Mike "Fernando" Fernandez

Steve "Cactus" Pryor

     and

Rick "The Immortal" Arnett

The Hardline Blues

I had something else planned for this entry, but there seems to be a hot topic emerging among Confessors.

First, a brief report on a conversation I had last night.  Present at this moment were two adult woman and a man.  They know I do this site.  One of the women said that she hated The Hardline because it was "coarse."  Sports/guy radio is not going to be her first choice under any circumstances, but that was not the case with the other adult male, squarely in the Ticket demo wheelhouse.  He mentioned that he'd been liking Norm's show lately.  He also said that he had tried to listen to "the afternoon show."  He tried to explain who he was listening to, without success, and I just asked him if it were afternoon or afternoon drive.  Drive, he said.  He said when he tried to listen there was almost no sports talk, but sometimes they tried to do political talk and it was so ignorant that he had to switch it off.

Second, I can hardly remember the last time a Confessor said anything positive about The Hardline.  To judge from recent comments, some Confessors say they are drifting away and will drop it entirely if Danny leaves.  Personally, I don't feel that way.  I still enjoy the show.  I like Corby.  I don't mind Mike not having all that much on his mind.   I could do without the political stuff myself -- the only thing worse than Musers talking politics is The Line talking politics -- but in general, my forays into Galloway and RaGE territory are always brief.  Which is another way of saying, I guess, that The Line's competition is weak.  But even so, it would take a pretty extraordinary presentation by another station to get me to switch.

Having said that, I do think The Hardline may be entering one of its dark periods.  It is true, as Confessors say, that Mike is drifting into one of his disconnected phases, show prep is not apparent, the OverCorby is appearing more frequently.  I will keep an eye on this trend and report, although I suspect you will all do so before I do.

Believe it or not, this is the only picture I could find on the Internet of
Danny, Corby, and Mike together. I'm sure there are others,
they just didn't come up in any searches.   What makes it of particular interest
is that I took it.  Junior Miller's distinguished beak is entering the frame
stage right.

Third:

Danny.

The end of the comment string from the prior post reported on Robert Wilonsky's report that Danny and others have invested in the revival, if that's what it is, of the Twilight Lounge in Deep Ellum.   (Link to Robert's Report)  His specific use permit hearing is before the Dallas Plan Commission this week sometime.  Confessors report there was no mention of it made on the show today, as predicted on this very blog.  I would not expect to hear anything about it until Danny's departure was certain, which I continue to predict with something approaching zero conviction, and even then not until shortly before.  There are lots of hoops to jump through before something as iffy as a Deep Ellum revival commits to open its doors, and the last thing The Line would want would be a lengthy lame duck period for arguably the most popular guy on the show.

And the point I offer for discussion is what that departure would mean for the show.  I've always felt that Danny keeps the OverCorby under control and keeps the show moving.  He's also very smart, very funny, very witty (not the same thing), and just an all around good listen.   When either Mike or Corby is absent, the resulting show with Danny always gets good reviews.  When Danny is away, the reviews are not so good.  Would his departure send tremors through the CTO as they hand-wring over whether to replace him, and, if they do, with whom? 

Fourth:  Despite the evidence of the Confessor, the show is enjoying historical levels of popularity.  Something about the show continues to resonate with the demographic, and isn't that the idea?

So consider this an Open Thread for some truly thoughtful 30,000-foot thoughts on The Hardline.  Remember -- this site was founded in part as a reaction to what I call "The Corby Sux School of Ticket Journalism."    If you're abandoning the show, that's fine and you are invited to tell us why, but I'm really more interested in why you think the show is still a smash hit in the metro.

*     *     *

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

OPEN THREAD: No, Really, I'm Serious

I'm out of town, Confessors, and in meetings all day and evening.  So no new material the rest of this week.  You are all very careful custodians of the integrity of this site, so I am certain that in my absence you will post comments of interest in its spirit.

Hear something interesting on the channel?  Book it.

Care to weigh in on the "big changes at The Fan by May" versus "nah, maybe a few little ones" controversy?

Your views on the decline, if any, of The Hardline?

Ferrall?

Or, maybe you'd just like to continue the sizzling Pundendous, Vaginormous, Honeybaked Ham Billboard commentary from the prior post:

Post on Disturbing Honeybaked Ham Billboard Viewed in Passing Each Morning as I'm Listening to the Musers:

 

 

I hope to be back with more in a week.  If I have time before bedtime to weigh in, I'll do it.  Thanks in advance to all hearty Confessors.

 

The Connection of This Post to The Ticket is that I Am Listening to The Ticket Every Time I Drive Past This

This sign is on I-45 but it is identical to the Honeybaked billboard a  little south of the Galleria on the southbound Tollway.

Who's designing Honeybaked's ad campaigns these days?  Georgia O'Keefe?

Only My Ticket Confession Has the Courage to Ask If The Ticket's Endorsements Threaten the End of the World

A lot of you don't like these kind of posts, so apologies in advance.

*     *     *

Oh, my quaking Confessors, I had a horrifying thought this evening.

It makes me wonder if The Ticket has taken a position which, under certain circumstances, might mean the end of reality as we know it.

It is indeed a world-threatening possibility.

But before I get to that, I would like to join Mike Rhyner in wishing Donald Fagen a happy milestone birthday, his 65th.  A true musical genius, including, I would argue, a performing genius.  I recorded one of his tunes awhile back, very cool arrangement with a trio plus a Hammond B3.  My performance would not make you forget his, but it was an honor to sing it nevertheless.

Love this man's stuff.

All right, back to the end of civilization.

As you know, all the Ticket hosts, without exception have (no doubt independently) concluded that All-Pro Foundation Repair is the foundation repair to select.  I wonder how many of you are also aware that even Jody Dean endorses All-Pro Foundation Repair.

This is not Jody Dean.  It is Tara Harper,
to whom Jody Dean  reportedly pitched woo
on something called Most Eligible Dallas.  But she is
more fun to look at a picture of than is Jody Dean.

Its preferred method of foundation repair has an extremely unusual property.   This property is not described on its website -- indeed, I can find no Internet references to it at all.  However, this method -- the solid helical pier -- is described on All-Pro's website as follows:  "This pier has an almost infinite drilling depth and weight bearing capacity."  Got that?  Almost infinite.

But The Ticket doesn't even make a claim that extreme.  The hosts (through, I recall, Mike Rhyner) expressly state that the pier can support more than twice the weight of the house.  "That's why we say," Mike says, "that it is mathematically impossible to fail."

Whoa.  Mathematically impossible to fail.

But consider:

What if one of them failed?

Hypothetical illustration.

Well, you snicker, that's ridiculous -- it's a mathematical impossibility.

Oh yeah?  Well then, why does All-Pro Foundation Repair give a lifetime guarantee?  

First of all, what the hell is a lifetime guarantee?  The buyer's?  What if he sells the house?  Does the guarantee go until the seller dies?  Or is it the lifetime of the house?  How is that measured?  I suppose one measure would be its collapse with the catastrophic failure of the helical piers.  

But let's put that conundrum aside, and consider the meaning of a guarantee.  It provides buyers with a remedy in the event of the failure of the product.  Ah, you say, All-Pro might as well issue a lifetime guarantee if its pier is mathematically impossible to fail, since it would never, ever have a claim.  But surely it would be an even better sales ploy to say -- our piers, being mathematically impossible to fail, don't even require a lifetime guarantee, because one would be completely unnecessary.  Issuing a lifetime guarantee where the event being guaranteed against is considered, or represented to be, impossible, would be like the Vatican issuing a money-back lifetime warranty of Jesus's love.

Nope -- a guarantee concedes the possibility of claims against it -- the possibility of failure.

Nevertheless, whatever you think a lifetime guarantee means, the question still remains:

What if this pier, which, after all, is just a piece of solid galvanized metal, and not a magical substance  .  .  .  failed.  Did not support properly.  Within your lifetime, you found cracks in your foundation.

So then we would have something that is mathematically impossible to fail .  .  .  failing.

Which would mean that mathematics -- the way we describe the physical world, the basis for all technology, the discipline without which we would have nothing -- indeed, according to some schools of thought that claim that mathematics is an inherent property of the universe, a set of truths that are "discovered" rather than "invented" -- without which there would be nothing -- is false.

Suggesting, if one accepts this latter view of math, that the failure of an All-Pro Helical Pier would mean the end of the universe.

So, if any of you know of a house employing an All-Pro Helical Pier with foundation problems -- keep it to yourself. 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Craig Tried His Absolute Very Hardest to Portray Dennis Rodman's Ticketstock Appearance as a Major Station Announcement

He must have been studying George's and Gordon's outrageously (but entertainingly) insincere Raising Cane's endorsements.

I'm sure it isn't easy to find big-name active or recent stars to come to Ticketstock within budget. So I have some sympathy with The Little One in its attempts to fire up interest in the thing with notable sportsy figures wherever they can find one willing to appear.

Dennis Rodman, though:   Off the court, he has to be the least-interesting sports celebrity who attempts to interest the public in his being a sports celebrity. For all of his eccentricities -- which, to me, have always seemed entirely ginned-up, and I lived in Chicago during the glory years -- when he's asked to respond orally to anything, his thoroughgoing banality pours into the mic.  Lawrence Taylor's legal troubles aside, even in retirement he was never the dictionary picture of "washed up."

Rodman? Here's a report from March of last year:

"The former NBA badboy owes $808,935 in back child support for the two children — ages nine and 10 — he had with his third wife, Michelle Rodman. He reportedly owes an additional $51,441 in spousal support.

"But Rodman's attorney said in court documents that the Basketball Hall of Famer can barely afford his own living expenses, let alone support payments.

"'Respondent Dennis Rodman is broke and cannot afford any additional fees,' Rodman's attorney Linnea Willis wrote.

"Willis claimed Rodman was 'extremely sick' and that his marketability was diminishing with age and illness, making it impossible for the five-time NBA champion to pay the $5,000 he owes monthly for one child from another relationship, in addition to the $4,500 he owes Michelle Rodman every month.

"Willis added the attorneys representing Rodman have been working pro bono."

For the record, Rodman thereafter denied that he is either broke or sick -- the "sickness," by the way, being alcoholism.   However, in late May he was convicted of contempt of court for failure to obey child-support orders, and sentenced to probation and community service.  No word on whether he pays his lawyers or has come up with any of the child support. Perhaps The Ticket can explore this with him on one of itsTicketstock panels.



Wearing a wedding dress, claiming to be marrying oneself,
even when accompanied by a meretricious relationship with
Carmen Electra topped off by a nine-day marriage to same
(acutely intoxicated Las Vegas nuptials followed by an anullment filing),
does not make one an intrinsically interesting human

So, much as I credit The Ticket for staging something like Ticketstock, which really is a cool thing for the P1 and always a well-planned and enjoyable event, the Rodman thing has about it the strong fragrance of desperation -- certainly for Rodman, and, since it can't seem to engage any non-desperate sportsy celebrity, The Ticket as well.

Maybe the showcasing of washed-up, troubled, convicted former athletes at Ticketstock should be a featured annual bit.

I would think The Fan might have some fun with this.

Hell, they should have asked me to appear. 

* * *

 

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Monday Morning Quick Hits

(1)  Who would have thought that Matt McClearin was a capologist?  His MaSS segment on the financial aspects of attempting to improve the Cowboys was one of the best (and more depressing) analyses of the future of the team that I have heard and a powerful (if implicit) condemnation of the Jones/Jones regime.  Well thought-out and crisply delivered.  Very, very nice work by Matt.

(2) Bruce LeVine is struggling.   His weekend Tickers are sometimes painful to listen to, so halting and almost confused-sounding.  I swear, I heard him refer to "Ticker" as "Ticket."  Is he reading some old Mitchell Kerasik copy?  And in general he seems to be having a difficult time with his script, which I assume he composes himself. 

(3) I will be listening to Scott Ferrall tonight.  I thought he was appalling when I heard him years ago and my expectations are not high -- I could hardly believe it when I heard he was still "cracking a cold one" at the request of listeners -- but in fairness I need to give him another shot.  At a minimum, I believe this means The Ticket will have to stop running the ad that proudly boasts that the channel doesn't offer coastal guys shouting at us.

(4)  What was the big funny thing on MaSS this Sunday that had the entire staff and crew breaking down?  I heard that, but did not hear the funny.  I believe it was some naughty thing that Matt said, but didn't catch it.  Anyone?  Maybe it will be an E-Brake.

(5)  In strong agreement with Confessors who are having a hard time believing that The Ticket is running ads containing a reference to "sucking less," a gimmick that was roundly ridiculed by readers when The Fan featured the same phrase.

Have at it, lads.

I'm Trying to Picture a Kevlar-Lined Jeep

I've listened with fascination to Rich Phillips's ads for Starwood Motors and its Kevlar Jeeps.  Indeed, he apparently owns one.  It has been awhile since I've heard the ad, but I could have sworn that he said it was Kevlar lined, or used Kevlar lining.  But my recollection may be failing me here, or, more likely, I thought that Kevlar, being akin to a fabric (I thought), was used on the interior of the vehicle.

This was incorrect thinking.

The damned thing is coated with Kevlar.

I refer you to the Starwood Motors page describing the Kevlar Jeep.  This particular one is sold as of the date of this posting, apparently, and indeed, the last time I went to this page, the Kevlar Jeep pictured was red. (If the link doesn't work, just google "Kevlar Jeep Starwood Motors" and you'll find it, unless, of course, you're using Bing.)   Maybe you order one, or they customize one at a time on spec, I dunno.  In any event, I invite you to click on the image and get a bigger picture and take a close look at the sheet metal, or where the sheet metal would ordinarily be visible. 

Indeed, the text says: 

"The entire exterior of the vehicle has been professionally coated with Premium Protective Coating w/Kevlar Fiber (4700 PSI tensile strength, which is over 200% strength of other brands), making it impervious to the elements."  It warns buyers:  "Beware of imitations! Many have tried to copy our unique Jeep conversions, only to produce uneven liner coverage, inconsistent or flawed texture, non-Kevlar liner, sub-standard parts and shoddy workmanship."

Now, I must say:  (1) This vehicle looks pretty cool.  The Chrysler folks are making some nifty vehicles these days, and until recently, I owned a Grand Cherokee SRT8 that was and is the absolutely coolest vehicle on the road for under $50,000 (it was my everyday driver and I traded it when the miles got way up there, and I'm even sorta sorry I traded it then).  (2) The Kevlar doesn't look ridiculous, and the red was also very eye-catching.  (3) I'm something of a Rich fan and if a vehicle nut like Rich vouches for the utility of this customization, I'll have some respect for that.  Hey, it sent me to the site to check it out, and now I'm writing this article about it.

But I have a few questions:

     --  How do you keep this stuff clean?  There was a time when vinyl roofs were all the rage.  Me Dad had an old Cutlass Supreme with one, and it didn't look bad, but it was a bear to clean -- swipe marks were all but impossible to avoid, and since you can't polish Kevlar like you can painted sheet metal (or can you?  I have no idea), I'm wondering how it's kept looking nice.  Maybe you just hose it off.  Can you take it through a car wash?

     --  "Impervious to the elements"?  In what respect are today's cars pervious to elements?  I can't remember the last time I even ever saw a rusty car, and man, I used to live in Chicago where (1) they salted the roads in the winter, and (2) they had winter.

     --  How is collision damage repaired?  Does this stuff rip?  And assuming you can re-coat a repaired fender, does this stuff fade at all?  I wouldn't think you could match existing material that had lost some of its color or that even was a bit nicked.

     --  Will it stop bullets and stuff?  

Let's just say it's easier for me to imagine Rich driving this vehicle than it is to imagine Danny driving any kind of a Volvo.*

====================

LATER:  Rich's Kevlar Jeep:

______________________________

* Really sorry, Danny, I went looking for the name of the dealer you're endorsing but couldn't find it.  I'll come back and fix this next time I hear the ad.  And yeah, the S60 R-Design has some greatness about it, but I just can't get all up in any 5-cylinder engine -- it's like it's missing a chromosome or something.

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

More Predictions, and the Best Christmas Ever to the Confessor Faithful

We got a little off of duckandcover's predictions with the last thread.    I posted the following as comments to the previous post, but a fan of the site has asked me to post it.

Hey, thanks for your continued support of My Ticket Confession.  Tell a friend, it makes a lovely Christmas gift.

Here goes:

(1)   Michael Gruber, Dirk Nowitzki, Brian Cuban, and Weekend Tickerman Mitchell Kerasik will form a consortium and purchase The Ticket from Cumulus for an undisclosed sum and a ham sandwich.  Grubes will assume control over station management and will permanently reassign Jeff Catlin to oversee the constant replenishment of BaD’s and Norm’s stable of interns.

 

(2)  Gordon will permanently lose all of his endorsements when he blurts out that he’s never actually been to Raising Cane’s. 

 

(3)  Sometime in late spring or early summer, an episode of “What’s on Mike’s Mind” will air without Mike uttering a single syllable.

 

(4)  Cumulus will announce that it’s working on improving The Ticket’s signal.

 

(5)  Corby will join the professional marathon circuit.  Will run into trouble with his first urine test when he tests negative for urine.

 

(6)  Richie Whitt will modestly admit that yes, it’s true, he’s dating Megan Fox’s cuter sister.

 

(7)  The Hardline will take a call. 

 

(8)  The International System of Units will announce that the frequency of the sound of Bob Sturm’s voice has been determined to vary so little from high to low that it will replace the caesium-133 radiation cycles as the basis for the atomic clock upon which modern timekeeping is based.  When informed of this, Bob will say:  “Awesome.”

 

(9)  The fragile edifice of host solidarity will begin to crumble when one of them casually mentions that he’s considering non-renewing his endorsement deal with All-Pro Foundation Repair to pursue other interests.  

 

(10)  Craig "Junior" Miller will tragically violate Johnny Carson's "Comedy Rule of One Too Many" when, incorrectly perceiving that his self-nickname "The Joonz" has achieved widespread humor acceptance, he further shortens it to "the Joo" and is hounded off the air by the Anti-Defamation League. 

 

(11)  George Dunham will drop his opposition to fracking when the largest self-contained source of domestic methane is discovered under his vast real estate holdings in East Jeebus or wherever the hell it is he's moved off to, which BP geologists will name "the Jub Outgassing" in his honor. 

 

(12)  Outraged P1's will finally have had enough and will dognap SweetJack and haul him off to Man's Best Friend, where his irrepressibly cheerful bargain-flogging will result in his severe mauling by a pack of previously docile six-toed Norwegian lundehunds.

 

(13)  Craig Rosengarden will kick George DiGianni’s ass.

 

 

 

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Follow Your Plainsman on Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

duckandcover Goes Out on Some Tannenbaum Limbs, and I Issue a Historic Post, with Multiple Prezzies for Me!

This is a historic moment.  And one of the wildest entries ever.

I am blogging LIVE at the unlikely plural Scruffy Duffies, not only hard by, but actually in, the Shops at Legacy.  Damned poodle ate a chicken bone so I had to leave work early to pick up her curly carcass at the vet.  She's fine.  That was one expensive bucket of KFC.

And let me tell you, things are exciting here at the Duff.  I found a nice quiet corner to set up the old Kaypro.  No one's snooping.  I'm having a surprisingly good martini.  A barkeep from another joint I visit came up to say hello, and I had to tell him about an unfortunate service experience at his establishment, and he promised me a free Tanq up on my next visit.  The broadcast stage is very dark.  Corby is talking about Adrian Peterson.  Bought some raffle tickets for the Food Bank from some wandering Ticket Chicks.  They are very young.  They were nice.  Ooo, they're calling numbers right now.   Hey, what if I win?  Do I disclose my secret identity that nobody cares about?    Uh, no.   Good crowd.  Didn't win with this drawing.  That's OK, I didn't want any of those prizes anyway.  I'll be here for at least another drawing.

So here's the deal.  duckandcover posts this --

HOLY CRIMINEY!  I just won the next raffle, the one I wanted, the $50 Half-Price Book gift cards.   I'll be damned.

Okay, let's get back to confession.

Recent frequent Confessor duckandcover jacked the last thread -- in a good way.  (Most jacks are good, frankly.  Let the voice of the Confessor be heard in the land!)  He issued a number of STDs (Scorching Ticket Disquisitions, for recent acolyte Confessors) in the form of predictions for 2013.  Wish I had thought of it, but he did a better job than I could have.  Here it is, then I'll have a few reactions.  I have never had over 100 comments on a post before, but this might well be a first. 

So here you --

JEEBUS! I won again!  A $50 gift certificate to JR's Steakhouse (which is quite good, by the way, a favorite destination when I'm in that neck of the woods). Never encountered Gordon there. 

Uh oh -- as a repeat winner they took my picture with a couple of comely Ticket Chicks.

Let's move on to the matters at hand, shall we?

Ladies and gentlemen  .  .  .  duckandcover -- and duck and cover:

+++++++++++++++++

Our Ticket 2013 Predictions.

(i) The end of CdS. Not because of the show's success or lack thereof, but rather to Cash's Mavs duties and Mike's ever inching toward the management side of things.

(ii) Scot Harrison's presence grows. He becomes a weeknight host, and eventually MaSS changes its name because it's now hosted by Matt and Jake.

(iii) In conjunction with (ii), the success of Intentional Grounding sparks a slew of weeknight shows. Harrison hosting one such show. Thus the programming schedule is all local until 11pm. THL ends at 7, the new show (IG-Fri, Harrison-MW, Newbury and SeaBass-TTH) runs till 9, then the Top Ten takes over until 11, which gives way to CBS national feed--due to the merger between Cumulus and CBS.

(iv) Danny leaves The Ticket. Yes, I said it. I don't like it. But I think it's going to happen. I think he's ready to move on to other things. Perhaps move to Boston or even Nashville (music). He's a musician, and that's what truly drives him and that's how he wants to make his mark in the world. And he knows he's not getting any younger (45, I believe). Time to make the move, now or never. His replacement: one Mike Bacsik. He's no longer deemed too hot to handle. And with his addition, Rhyner is reeled back in from constant, one might say teenager like, music talk and finds himself reinvigorated, just as he was in the halcyon days.

(v) See (iv), The Orphanage, RIP.

(vi) I believe that 2013 is the last year for one of our beloved shows: Dunham and Miller. I think the Joonz finally says "I'm done, let's tawk gahwfff." He's nearly quit a few times in the past, and I think he, like Danny (but for much different reasons) is ready to move on. 

(vii) The FAN is still with us. So is RaGE. But only for a while. By July, CBS finally says "enough," and pulls the plug. Greggo finally, and permanently, moves to Colorado.

(viii) Ready for this one? MTC, as we know it, says "adios, amigos." Yup. Plainsman decides that no longer has the time to maintain the site. He hands over the reins to T4, and this thing keeps on rollin'.

+++++++++++++++++++++

My Scruffy Tanq-fueled reactions:

"Our" Ticket 2013 Predictions?  d&c, is that the royal first person plural?  Or are you hoping for protection against crass error by pretending that these predictions are from a group of which you are a part?  I think you need to own these predictions, and I will look forward to your comment doing so.

(i) END OF CdS.  I dunno.  It's a good show and pretty popular.   Cash already has that sexy full-time gig, and as for Mike inching towards management -- that isn't much of a disqualification.  Look at Rich and "Race Week."  I think CdS will be around for awhile.

(ii) SCOT HARRISON ASCENDANT.  Quite possible, but I'm not sure where he goes (see below).  MaSS is a pretty solid weekend hit, if the evidence of Confessors' reactions are any guide.  I am a Scot ("Mr. Low-T") fan and would be happy to hear more of him.  My prediction -- we'll hear him more on fill-in if his everyday gig permits it.  I don't know if he's got a day job, maybe one of you has picked up on that.

(iii)  WEEKNIGHT SHOWS ASCENDANT.  Certainly agree that Intentional Grounding has found an audience.  (I'll be listening after I roll out of here.)  But I don't know about filling in other evenings with local programming.  I'd like to see it, but The Top Ten, which T.C. is doing a very nice job with, has got to be an attractive programming move for The Ticket, leveraging top-flight daytime programming in the early nighttime hours with very little additional investment.  So I can't go with duck on this one, much as I would like to see it.

(iv)  DANNY VAMANOS.  No.  I have got to believe that The Ticket has recognized Danny's value and has paid him market -- whatever market is for a producer who does a weekend show, writes and performs "What's On Mike's Mind" intros, produces the most popular radio showgram in the country and, in the opinion of increasing numbers of Confessors, is the best reason to listen to The Hardline (my view:  he moderates the OverCorby in a way that renders The Hardline consistently listenable).  He may be a fine musician, but Nashville and Boston (? -- Moms territory?) are chock full of established singer-songwriters and, in the former case, accomplished C&W guys.  My own thought is that Danny is a guy who has developed immense goodwill in the metro among the P1, music guys, and radio guys.  Could he skip to another station?  Sure, but where could he get the freedom he has at The Ticket?  If he decides to make a move, let's hope that has a good agent.  Danny, give me a call. Frankly, I think he's hanging.

But I will say this -- I have long thought that we might well see Mike Bacsik back at The Ticket, and I'd be OK with that.

(v) ORPHANAGE VAMANOS.  Orphanage will be with us for the foreseeable future.  If Danny bolts, they'll find another adoptee.

(vi)  MUSERS VAMANOS.  OK, I need some historical background here.  I don't have any information about Junior's happy feet, although I have seen references to it on this site from time to time.  Has there been any thought of his departure since 2004 (my Ticket inauguration)?  It's never come to my attention, not that hosts consult with me about career choices or insiders leak stuff like that to me. What would he do?  Go to another station on his own?  Retire?  Folks, I have to tell you that in my experience, even highly-compensated persons are scared to death of what this President is up to -- and if you love the guy, that's fine, not a problem with this site, just reporting on what I'm hearing -- and executives (and, I suspect, highly-compensated entertainers) are not casually abandoning gigs like the one that Junior has.     ALSO:  Hell, they're coming up on 20 years -- he won't jump before that, for sure.  But even then -- I don't know where he jumps to, and I can't see him doing nothing.  As the Confessor Nation knows, Junior is my fave rave at the station, and he is entirely capable of  running a sports-guy-current-events show on his own.  I just don't see Craig jumping at this point in his career, and at this point in the history of the station.

I do, however, strongly endorse duckandcover's reference to Craig as "the Joonz," since it is the construction I myself have favored if he persists in referring to himself in this way, and I don't think there is any realistic alternative.

(vii)  RaGE VAMANOS.  I don't think so.  Confessors have been predicting the end of RaGE for a long time, and after that dreadful TV ad they inflicted on viewers I thought the end might be near.  But here they still are.  I think CBS is in for the long haul with Richie and Greggo and Sybil and Armen, and I think they'll be invited to the 2013 FAN Christmas Party.

I don't know how to evaluate the corporate changes that are taking place in the radio industry as they relate to Cumulus and the local CBS affiliates.  I do think that we've  been hearing about seismic changes for a long time, and none have happened.  So my guess is -- status quo, or something that looks a lot like it.

(viii)  MTC VAMANOS.  Are you a student of archival TV?  Do you remember Arte Johnson from Laugh-In?   Do you remember his tag line at the end of the show?  Verrrrrry interesting.  Good night, Lucy.

+++++++++++++++++++

What are YOUR predictions for 2013?  I haven't really --

HOKEY SMOKES, BULLWINKLE!  CORBY JUST READ MY TICKET NUMBER AND I HAVE NOW WON THE GRAND PRIZE RAFFLE, a couple of courtside Mavs tickets, I think, although from where I'm sitting the PA is a little muddy.

So your incredibly lucky Plainsman went up to the stage 3 times in less than 90 minutes to claim charity prizes.  Were you there? If you were, then you got to see your sainted Plainsman.   Well, what was I going to do?  Go up there with a bag on my head?  As it was, I don't think much of anyone was paying attention.  Certainly the hosts were not, and none of the promo people asked my name.

OK, so -- let's get your reaction to duck's predictions, and let's have yours as an eventful, Grubes-retiring, drop-losing year draws to a close.

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Follow Your Plainsman on Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

 

Your Plainsman Respectfully Requests . . .

.  .  .  that commenting Confessors please bear in mind that not all readers (including yours truly) are not able to listen to all the shows all the time.  So if you have a comment on a specific piece of broadcasting, or a piece of other Ticket-related information (i.e., ratings, signal, stuff like that), please give us the factual predicate for your comment so that it may be understood and evaluated -- unless, of course, it's clear from the context of prior comments or a post.

BAFFLING:   "I thought Bob's comments on Tony Romo were right on the button yesterday."

SATISFYING:  "I thought Bob's comments yesterday that Tony Romo brings a kind of Etruscan elegance to  his hand gestures at the line of scrimmage before audible-ing a play that about 47% of his teammates on the field never really learned from the playbook was right on the button."

Same as you were told in that composition class you took all those years ago:  When you sit down to write, put yourself in the shoes of your audience.

Many thanks in advance for your thoughtful preparation of comments, and apologies for this schoolmarmish post.

This Site Joins All DFW in Expressing the Deepest Sympathy to the Family and Loved Ones of Jerry Brown, Jr.

There is nothing we can add to that.  Pretty much everything that can be said about this tragedy at this point has been said. 

There may be larger questions about this occurrence and others involving young professional athletes and entertainers, but right now, they are small.

I did not hear any of Sean Bass's reporting on this on Saturday afternoon, but several Confessors have reported it as extraordinary.  I can well imagine, and I hope I have the chance to hear some of it some day if the UnTicket grabbed any of it.  I have thought all of The Ticket reportage and commentary has been excellent.  George was on fire during the pre-game today -- good to hear him so engaged.

This isn't the time to take shots, but I have to report an amusing moment, in light of recent comments on this site:  When I flipped on the nearest radio later on Saturday afternoon, I discovered that it was still tuned to The Fan from last week's Brad/Babe Cowboys broadcast.  Some JV guy was broadcasting, and the only words out of his mouth before I leapt to the Crosley to dial in The Ticket were:  "I wish some more experienced broadcaster like Richie was here  .  .  .  ."

RIP. 

OPEN THREAD: White Elephant Day

My hits go through the roof on White Elephant Day.  It has been suggested that this is the result of Ticketarians of one level or another checking in to see what the Nation has to say.

So please post your carefully-considered observations on what you hear.  Me, it's going to be dicey for being able to be much by the channel, so I'll be waiting for your thoughts just like the most curious Cumulus employee goofing off by checking MTC every few minutes.

White Elephant Day is a lot of fun, but the interactions are seldom awkward.  The best part is that every  host who may be reaching a different audience, and every JV guy who gets some spotlight time, goes out of his way to put on a good show, with the possible exception of Mike R.  The highlight for me has always been The Joonz's Tickers.

[Speaking of awkward interactions, they don't get much more awkward than George and Fernando sniping at each other this morning (Tuesday) over the Tim-Duncan-flipping-the-bird-to-a-fan-taking-his-picture story.]

Thanks for contributing, everyone.

I Heart Confessors!

Got a special holiday treat for you.  Confessor Brad Gilbert has responded to the call for volunteer posts with a great bear-trap story and invitation for comments.  My thanks.

=====================================

 

Before I begin, a little background on myself may be in order. I began listening to the Ticket as a 18 year-old just out of high school, back in the days when Rocco “like the Beatles” Pendola was on mid-days, movie watching was still a sport, and people were being Sturminated late-nights. I pretty much listened all day while working different jobs that allowed the radio to be on. But, in 2005 I moved up to MI and was stuck listening to the generic sports talk offered up in Metro Detroit. While I managed to get through it, nothing was ever the same.  

But then along comes Twitter, and I begin to see posts about the Hammer and how he was doing after being fired from the Ticket. Whoa! Not what I was expecting. So, as I begin to search the Internet, I find out that you can listen online to the Ticket via its website. This eventually led to smartphones and apps. Now, I listen through iHeart Radio. Even when I am in my vehicle, I plug my phone into a portable speaker to listen. All of that leads me to this story, and I wonder if it has ever happened to anyone else out there:

As I was listening to the Hardline one evening in my car, Corby and Danny were going back and forth on some subject. To this day, I cannot remember what exactly they were talking about due to the shocking nature of what came next.

I am getting ready to walk into Blockbuster to take back some DVDs and I grab my phone to listen via the speaker on the smartphone. It is at this moment, while I pass a female in the parking lot, that Danny blurts out something about females and that certain “time of the month,” and a “used female product.” I have never seen someone stop as fast as she did to stare me down dead in my tracks. The Hardline in particular has taught me that when listening to the Ticket in public, I am better off using my earphones. This is probably one of the reasons why I don’t listen to the Hardline as much as I once did.

Has listening to the Ticket, either in public, home, or the office, ever caused an embarrassing situation for you?

 

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Email:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

 

 



Omnibus Reaction to Last Batch of Comments

I admit, this is cheap, but I'm on the run and would like at least to refresh the thread.  A few thoughts on the last batch of comments, which I'll try to recap so you won't have to go back.

(1) Re Fan and (possibly) Ticket changes come 1-1-13 mentioned by a Confessor or two:  Has something been anounced, or is there some suggestion that there will be changes at the beginning of 2013?  There has been speculation for a long time about the results of the merger, but I hadn't heard anything definite.  Where did the "we may see changes in a month and a week" reference come from?

(2)  Re:  Boycott of music-related segments, punching out on music talk.  It might cause a blip on the stream numbers, but, as someone said, if you're not listening online, unless you're hooked up to a meter somewhere, your vote will not be counted. 

And, just so you know, the readership of this site is tiny, very tiny, compared to total Ticket listenership.  I have no idea how many total unique readers I have over the course of a week, but I'll tell you that my minimum unique-hits-per-day is around 100, rarely much fewer than that on weekdays, and my maximum is in the 200-300 range, usually on Mondays or Tuesdays, but sometimes spiking to 400-600 (rare).  (Page views much higher, maybe around a third again as many per day.)   My point is:  Anyone is welcome to urge a Ticket boycott here, but this site is probably not the best place to get an embargo started.

(3)   This site has been a fairly consistent defender of Corbally's broadcasting skills, and I was thinking today that his solo + Danny turn today after Mike took ill showed his talents to very good advantage.  Ask yourself -- if Mike retired or left the show tomorrow, would you listen to Corby and Danny over RaGE or ESPN?   I would, and, much as I like Mike and would hate to think I wouldn't be hearing him again, I have a feeling I'd like a Corby + Danny show even if the competition weren't moribund, and I'm not entirely sure that a plus-one would be at all necessary.

(4)  I'm very surprised by the interest in Jake "Z" Kemp, and by the division of opinion.  I'm in the pro-Jake camp.  So the guy has some opinions, what Ticket guy doesn't?  I don't find him obnoxious about any of them, not at all.  Don't agree with everything, but I find him easy to listen to and not as dogmatic as some Confessors have argued.  Again, I feel that we've been falsely conditioned to view Jake through the "space is super-gay" remark, and, as I said in a comment to the last post, he has a timbre to his voice that makes him sound a little like Dylan the Argumentative Teen -- he sounds younger than he is -- and I think he's slightly victimized by that as well.

Hey, Confessors, I really appreciated the solid batch of comments while I was on the road with the family.  Good work.

Junior's Dust Bowl Talk

If you can't tune in at 5:30 you can miss some cool stuff on the Muser show.  

This morning, Craig was reporting on his viewing of Ken Burns's documentary on The Dust Bowl, the climatological disaster that overtook portions of Oklahoma, Texas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Kansas in the 1930s.  The drought affected other states as well, but the Texas and Oklahoma Panhandles got the worst of it.  

As it happened, Mrs. Plainsman and I also saw the show.

As we watched it, Mrs. P and I remarked on how good we have it these days. It did indeed remind me to be thankful for what I have.

And, as that holiday approaches, I am thankful for all of you supporters and readers, yes, including – perhaps especially – those of you calling for my abandonment of this site for one or another P1 litmus-test failure (see comments two posts back).  I really do appreciate the time each one of you takes to read the site, and to give the blogosphere your usually well-considered thoughts on The Ticket.

Have a wonderful holiday, and please drive with care and otherwise conduct yourselves in a civilized fashion. I don't want to lose any more readers.

Anyone Interested?

Been on my mind for awhile. 

Thinking about having a party at some swell centrally-located spot for readers.  Set a time and place, make sure there's enough room for a group,  remind people about designated drivers, lay down the plastic, talk Ticket -- maybe even tahk gawf -- and say thanks. 

Is this the sort of thing any of you would be interested in?  Not sure I'm going to do it, but just checking the interest level.  If you'd prefer to email me -- ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving, all.

Train Station and Other Extremely Quick Hits

--  George DiGianni is doing a show featuring (among other things) genital herpes with a Dr. Cockerell.

--  George can make fun of himself.  His GenoStim ads now feature drops from his show, and today he remarked in the course of the keep-locker-rooms sanitary discussion that he always goes home to shower because, among other reasons, "I don't want to see a bunch of swinging sausages."  Then he paused; then said he was waiting for his engineer/op to make it into a drop.

--  Kevin Turner with Tickerman duties today.  The Mitchell Kerasik Watch is on hold.

--  A commenter on the last thread observes:  "From the comments made prior to and during the letter of suggestions from a listener that Corby read, it's pretty obvious that Rhyner doesn't care for listener input or opinion, period. Which leads me to believe that if he is aware of this site, he must loathe it." 

I think this is probably correct.  Of course, we would all like our favorite hosts to like us.  Even though this site is mostly highly supportive of The Hardline and worshipful of Mike R's legend, it's the slice that doesn't fall under the "mostly" part of the pie that probably rankles.  And who could blame him or any other Ticketarian who doesn't like MTC?  Would you like someone commenting on your job performance every few days, slicing and dicing your every inflection, and anonyously to boot?  No.  So I've never introduced myself to any Ticket host and probably will keep my distance from the larger specimens of that group for the forseeable future.

--  So, are we about to experience another Greggo eruption?  There is some suggestion that he has been mysteriously absent from RaGE the last couple of days.  Dare I type those legendary words: 

Where's Greggo?

 

 

So What, Exactly, Was on Mike's Mind?

This site tends to be a defender of the Hardline against the apparently increasing number of Confessors who are dissatisfied with the show.   But I was puzzled at WOMM on Friday.

Mike started out somewhat slowly and hesitantly by saying that he thought he might be interested in the new Bond movie, which he did not name. He had seen a documentary on the franchise.  As soon as he mentioned Bond, Corby jumped in and that was pretty much all we heard about what was on Mike's mind. It was Corby and Danny for the rest of the segment.  With Mike saying one memorable thing:

Up to that point, no one had named the movie.

Until Mike finally did:

"Sunlamp."

Several questions occur to me.

Did Mike really think "Skyfall" was named "Sunlamp"?  Or was this a part of his emerging seeming-more-addled-than-his-actual-years persona bit?

Was the Bond franchise on Mike's mind at all? Or was this a complete Friday give-up?

Was this the OverCorby?  Or (my weakly-held view), sensing that Mike had absolutely nothing on his mind respecting the announced Mind-topic, was this Corby jumping in to rescue a segment that had already begun wobbling dangerously?  

Sometimes I worry less about their show prep exams than their mind prep. Man, that was one mess.

 

*     *    *

One more thought:   Am I correct in recalling from various remotes of all the shows that Mike is the only Ticket host who does not have the Internet running in front of him? (I have never been to a Norm remote.)  

Given the man's talent and the years of incredible entertainment he's given us, do we even care that he does not much bestir himself for the show sometimes?  That he even seems to take some pride in being culturally unaware?  

I'm not sure I do.  But then, I don't mind the OverCorby as much as some others seem to, and I do think the OverCorby is sometimes just him pulling a segment back from the abyss.  And I don't mind Mike's too-old-too-early bit.  To me, it still has the flavor of a bit and has not crossed the line into disrespect to both his colleagues and the P1.  After all, his "Sunlamp" reference did make me laugh as I was cruising up 75.

But I understand the contrary argument.

Liking Chicken

I think I posted this in a comment and not in a post, so some of you may have missed it:

Here is where George's "I Like Chicken" song comes from, featuring Rowan Atkinson ("Mr. Bean"):

Not the Nine O'Clock News: I Like Trucking

Danny the Pitchman (Pronounced "PITCH-mun")

Big fan of Danny Balis.  It looks like most Confessors are as well. One hears the occasional complaints about music snobbishness, but they are more than offset by those who think he is the savior of a declining Hardline.  Myself, I don't even mind the aging slacker persona presented on the Orphanage. I don't care how old he is, it's not only a good bit, it's not even a bit.  Like it or not, his radio personality seems entirely genuine.  And he's a funny, witty guy.  He pulls it off. 

 

Which is why I get such an enormous kick out of his solo advertising spots. You can hear the struggle in his voice:  On the one hand, he wants to keep faith with his sponsor and convey a sincere interest in persuading the listener to purchase the product. On the other, he wants to convey to his fans that he hasn't sold out. On top of this, he has to cram a lot of words into a short period of time, not his customary mode of expression.  The result is a not-unpleasant but somewhat unctuous semi-ironic tone, vaguely intimate and strongly inflected, that hopes to please the sponsor while nudging the P1 in the ribs.

 

I had to laugh listening to the Park Place Mercedes-Benz ad driving in the other day.   I pictured Danny returning to his apartment in his 2-Series after a long day of broadcasting, producing, and careful show prep.  He turns on his laptop and sees  a long list of P1s who have e-mailed him at his Park Place address, requesting his urgent assistance in purchasing a new Mercedes-Benz as he invites them to do in his ad.  I picture him opening each email, carefully examining the preferences and desires of each Mercedes-needing listener (they must be countless in The Ticket's demo), cross-referencing that data with the inventory at Park Place Mercedes, and selecting the exactly appropriate sales consultant to arrange an introduction for the corresponding P1 – or, in Danny's phrase, to "hook you up."  It's an amazing service Danny offers, allowing the P1 to take advantage of his close professional connection with the doubtless hard-to-reach members of the Park Place Mercedes-Benz sales department.

 

Love it.  It's Great to Shop at The Ticket.

 

Danny B with Another Fine Park Place Brand

 

Follow Your Plainsman on Twitter:  @Plainsman1310

Email Your Plainsman:  ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com

November 2, 2012

-   -   -

     --     I had never heard the "Motorcycle Greggo" bit before.  It was played after the Hardline closing theme and before the cavalcade of ads before poor T.C. has to cram his Top Ten into the time allotted time.  (T.C., who really lights up the Top Ten with his between-bit patter, was forced into auctioneer-speed talking tonight.)    Is this an old bit?  It was incredibly savage.  Wondering if The (Incomparable) UnTicket has it (it may want to run it by its attorneys first); I'd like to hear it again.  Let's see -- there was a reference to white trash, a whore, and, the most intriguing reference:  something about Greggo somehow acquiring money that belonged to Ticket staff members.  I can't remember the wording of that last gag, but it was astonishingly bitter and astonishingly inside; would love to know what that joke was about.  Surely this is an old bit, and some of the references would probably mean something to longer-time listeners.  I was entertained, but it was really, really harsh about a guy who isn't even a pimple on The Little One's ass.  Can anyone provide us some context here?

     --     I still don't get Corby's Scot Harrison impression.

     --     I was impressed with Corby's knowledge of NBA rosters during the discussion of the accusations of overwhiteness against the MN Timberwolves.  He could have been reading the info off his screen, I suppose, but I don't think so.  Maybe he knew what was going to be on Mike's mind and studied up.  Or, quite possibly, he knew what he was talking about.

     --     I noticed that one of the followers on this site was a gentleman named Dana Porter.  In his minibio, he said that his thumbnail was a painting by his late grandfather, Henry C. Porter.  Intrigued, I Googled "Henry C. Porter" and discovered that he was noted artist with some really fascinating and beautiful images, both representational and abstract.  You can check them out here. 

http://www.aviscafineart.com/Gallery_Artists/Henry_Porter/Porter_Between_Past_and_Here_Catalog.pdf

Dana, thanks for calling this to our attention.

Remembering Casey

-  -  -

 

As noted in the last post, it struck me a few days ago that I hadn't heard Casey Millen on the air in a long time.

 

In a comment, KT advises that Casey is "out of radio."

 

This both saddened and concerned me.

 

Saddened, because, while Casey had a controversy or two during his Ticket tenure, he was a pretty solid JV player and becoming a familiar voice on the station, at least on weekends.  Perhaps a bit too obviously ambitious -- I caught his sig other giving him props on this site -- but talented.  Knew his way around a mic, had some OK patter.  Smart.

 

Concerned, because he seems to have vanished.  He may be out of radio, but his (apparently inactive) Twitter description and LinkedIn summary still list The Ticket as his current home.  I find no news of him elsewhere.

 

I have no interest in prying into his personal life if he has suffered some misfortune, and if I learn that this was the case, I will take this post down.  But I recall that when Barb Smith vanished from the traffic scene a couple of years ago and readers were questioning her whereabouts, she dropped us a comment and let us know all was well.  (Put this site on the map, I might add -- surfers still visit this site looking for Barb.) 

 

Casey has corresponded with this site in the past, so I'm hopeful he will do so again and let us know that he's out there swinging.  In any event, very best of luck to him.