We
haven't had a Muser column for a while, so here goes:
(1) Craig believes that he could no-hit an
average peewee league team of nine-year-olds. He has accepted a challenge to
that effect, which he intends to perform as soon as he gets around to it
sometime in the indefinite future. The notion is that he would be throwing
adult-speed hardball pitches past, or at, these little intimidated weenie kids.
Maybe; maybe. I happened to see a group of
nine-year-olds playing league baseball a few weeks ago, and I could not believe
how completely incompetent they were. I guarantee you, when I was nine years
old, I could catch a hardball thrown to me.
We used to play something called "500" where one kid would
throw the ball on the ground, on the line, or up in the air, and the one kid
would either get or lose points for catching or muffing the ball. We would do
this for hours, so we had some facility – not a lot, but some -- in fielding
when we got to the diamond. These days, the only practice these kids get is in
the leagues, and it's not enough. They're
terrible. It's not even cute, it's agonizing to watch.
So
the question I have for Junior is: What
happens in the case where a kid gets some wood on the ball, resulting in some
kind of a fielding play? Will
incompetent fielding, even if it is not a booted ball, count as an error,
keeping the no-hitter intact? This will happen most of the time, especially
since a batted pitch thrown at high-speed will come off the bat faster than
most peewee league hits. It is entirely
possible that a roller that a competent human would field will escape the
infield completely innocent of any glove leather, which in the bigs would be a
hit.
So
I see two possible outcomes: either a sure loss for Junior in his challenge, or
a run-hit-error line that looks something like 0-0-47.
Oh,
by the way: make sure The Ticket's liability insurance is fully up to date in
anticipation of the possibility that even from 40 feet away, Junior will plunk
some kid in the melon.
(2) I was very interested in George's discussion
of how someone – in particular, a sports-talkshow host – can be a fan of a team,
but still critical of certain aspects of it. He was responding to lamebrained
correspondents who get all accusatory when they hear any negative talk about
their favorite team.
Which,
of course, made me think about My Ticket Confession. I have certainly done
critical pieces in this space, and when I do I will frequently get exactly the
same reaction: "You claim to be a big Ticket fan, but you seem to have a
hard time with [whatever the topic happens to be]." It's a dumb criticism for the same reason
George points out. You can have a strong rooting interest in a team or radio
show, but it's your very expertise on that subject that qualifies you to speak
up when something isn't quite right to your way of thinking. As long as you
have reasons and convey them in a civilized tone, you shouldn't have to defend
yourself against charges of disloyalty.
This
does sometimes affect what I publish. I am a big admirer of Gordon
Keith, but I heard something of his back a few months ago that I really, really
disliked, and I wrote an article about it.
Strongly negative. But I never
ran it because I felt that it would leave the impression that I had a big
problem with Gordon generally, and that would have been a false impression. I suppose the unsatisfactory solution is to
load up a piece like that with disclaimers, but that looks insincere if the
real purpose of your piece is to smack someone around. So it's in the MTC boneyard.
(The
fact that this site is anonymous also sometimes inhibits some of my more
incendiary STDs. Especially as this site has come more popular, I'm sensitive
to the unfairness of taking potshots at Ticket guys from the bunker of anonymity.)
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| This is the actual photograph promoting a Musers appearance at the Grenada. But it actually works, because when I think Musers, I think "comical breast enhancement." http://granadatheater.com/category/americana/ |
(3) CONFIDENTIAL TO GORDON KEITH [this is not the article I was talking about]: Consider abandoning your irrational
terror of creating drops. You select numerous sex-related news stories for your
broadcast, but stop so frequently to shift into a
disguised-and-sometimes-incomprehensible voice to say the naughty words that
Muse in the News is starting to sound like one long hiccup. Even Craig had had
enough this morning. You had paused over the story about the dispatcher who threw
up some ill-considered phrases on her Facebook page to say "I'm not quite
sure how to say this," and The Joonz snapped at you with what sounded like
sincere impatience: "You're a
newsman – just read the story."
Kind
of have to agree with that. Sorry! Sorry!
ThePlainsman1310@gmail.com
@Plainsman1310





















